To have confronted a mother smacking her child in public

[Roux95]

I was with OH in a clothes shop this afternoon looking for some bits. It was an extreme rarity for us to be child free so we were enjoying having a wander round without the double buggy!

When looking at some clothes I could hear a hysterical child having a tantrum, a hissing (parent i assume) and the sound of smacking. I looked around the racks I was browsing and sure enough a woman was knelt down at child height, hissing at the toddler to behave, smacked the child on the chest area and then went to smack the child's face but shot her hand down when she clocked that I was watching.

I was angered by what I saw and raised my voice at her to stop hitting the child, i told her we don't do that crap here (she was european - this is possibly not relevant but I know some cultures parent differently) and that her behaviour was disgusting and she should be ashamed and how would she like it if somebody her own size hit her.

This must have shocked the child as they stopped crying and the mother(?) sheepishly put the child into the pram rushed off.

OH was visibly embarrassed at being part of this confrontation but I think I was justified personally. In hindsight I think I could have said all of the above without raising my voice but my maternal instinct kicked in and I was furious for the child.

Was I being unreasonable for interesting? What would you have done?

disciplining a child by smacking is a perfectly reasonable way of correcting a child's bad behaviour.

Would you accept an adult giving you a smack if you did something they didn't approve of? No, of course not. But it's ok because a child isn't strong enough to fight back?

@caroline161 when I was a teenager I saw a women slap her toddler daughter so hard so bounced off the window of the shop they were standing next to. I feel guilty to this day that I never said anything

I think hitting a child is always wrong, hitting them on the chest and going to hit them on the face is terrible. Scotland are right to ban smacking imo and I hope the rest of the UK follow their example very soon.
I think you were brave to tell the woman she was wrong. She stopped as you approached her too which implies she knew it was wrong.

@Savingshoes
Disciplining a child by smacking them is appalling and has no place in modern society. I was smacked as a child. It taught me nothing except to be scared of being hit!

I can’t believe that 38% of people think the OP was being unreasonable as well - seriously disturbing. The child’s safety is the most important issue here, end of.

I was in a shop not too long ago and a woman slapped her child around the face, hard. I was shocked and kind of froze on the spot. I didn't know what to do, by the time I had processed what I had seen she was down another aisle. I had my 2 DC with me and my son was visibly shocked too.
It made me think that if you feel ok to do that publicly what goes on in private.
I did look for someone to inform, but what could they do? Poor little kid.

Very judgemental of you. Parenting is difficult enough without random strangers verbally attacking you in public.

@Cam77 but law is a man made concept and can change as the result of even violent action e.g. suffrage.
Just because it's legal to smack a child in England doesn't make it morally right.

Well done OP all those picking on your use of language are missing the point. I saw a man smack a child across the face and didn't say anything, I've always regretted that.

Very judgemental of you. Parenting is difficult enough without random strangers verbally attacking you in public.

So just to clarify - you think it’s acceptable to hit a child across the chest and face?

Mumsnet doesn’t half make me laugh sometimes. A child hitting thread that almost immediately diverts into all the usual box-ticking: racism, virtue signalling, Labour defeat, Scotland vs England. It’s become a parody of itself.

she was european - this is possibly not relevant but I know some cultures parent differently
Nasty racist rubbish.

@Frenchw1fe
"Just because it's legal to smack a child in England doesn't make it morally right"

This

I think the 38% people who said she was unreasonable refer to her choice of words not the right action of confronting the mum over the smacking.

The hitting - normal punishment 30 years ago but we know now it does no good, just harm.

Casual racism - normal behaviour 30 years ago but we now know it does no good, just harm.

Both need pulling up.

Well done OP, you did the right thing.

Ignore the nit pickers on the thread who are pulling apart minor details. The fact is you stopped a child from getting hit and that should be applauded

"Everyone defending the abuser saying you were racist to her."

Saying the comment was racist is not defending the abuser. The OP chose to put what she said in her post and so people will comment on it.

This is so tricky - the ridiculous directions of this thread show how hard it is for us to be focussed on the worst thing here - a child being hit.

You did the right thing.

That child needs to know that other adults / adults generally don’t hit children and what they are experiencing is not normal or right.

Like others, I have seen children being hit before and stood by and said nothing. I think the OP has me there. We should all speak out more.

The fact she was hitting her child was because she’s an awful mother, not because she’s “European” or from a different culture.

It sounds like your brain made the connection between her nasty parenting and the fact she wasn’t from the UK. You had no basis for that - it was an unconscious link you made based on race.

She was awful. You were right to stand up for the child but judgemental for attributing her behaviour to a matter of “culture”.

(she was european - this is possibly not relevant but I know some cultures parent differently)
The UK is one of only a few countries in Europe that still hasn’t banned corporal punishment:
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/4a/Corporal_punishment_in_Europe.svg/800px-Corporal_punishment_in_Europe.svg.png
blue = allows corporal punishment in the home
red = allows corporal punishment in schools and the home

Smacking is never a good solution. It sounds like the woman was very tired and frazzled with an hysterical child. We've all felt like that.

However, the OP was clearly racist. "We don't do that crap here" - she was european
you might be able to do that where you are from but you can't here.

Your intentions were good.

Your delivery could have been better.

Hindsight is lovely, isn't it. I don't think it's racist to say different cultures of parenting exist around the world. Some countries still use electric shock therapy for mood disorders; some allow 12 year olds to be married; some publicly stone women for disobeying their husbands, so it's totally believable that some may still smack children!

You did the right thing.

Some cultures are more likely to beat their kids.

This is changing.

I'm Scottish (now 41) and was physically chastised as a child. As were others I knew.

The anti-smacking law in Scotland has only very recently come into force so a touch premature to be coming over all smug with the ol' ' "we don't do that crap here, you uncivilised heathens " one-two, even if the OP were in Scotland. Which I suspect she isn't.

Either way, people have smacked their kids in the UK since time began and will continue to do so. Including in Scotland.

Good for you for standing up for not smacking

BUT there is definitely a racist undertone to how you said it and how you've described it here

I don't think you should have raised your voice. You should have just said something along the lines of It's not kind to hit your child and he will turn out aggresive like you. Plus it doesn't work as a disciplanary method"