To have confronted a mother smacking her child in public

[Roux95]

I was with OH in a clothes shop this afternoon looking for some bits. It was an extreme rarity for us to be child free so we were enjoying having a wander round without the double buggy!

When looking at some clothes I could hear a hysterical child having a tantrum, a hissing (parent i assume) and the sound of smacking. I looked around the racks I was browsing and sure enough a woman was knelt down at child height, hissing at the toddler to behave, smacked the child on the chest area and then went to smack the child's face but shot her hand down when she clocked that I was watching.

I was angered by what I saw and raised my voice at her to stop hitting the child, i told her we don't do that crap here (she was european - this is possibly not relevant but I know some cultures parent differently) and that her behaviour was disgusting and she should be ashamed and how would she like it if somebody her own size hit her.

This must have shocked the child as they stopped crying and the mother(?) sheepishly put the child into the pram rushed off.

OH was visibly embarrassed at being part of this confrontation but I think I was justified personally. In hindsight I think I could have said all of the above without raising my voice but my maternal instinct kicked in and I was furious for the child.

Was I being unreasonable for interesting? What would you have done?

You are extremely ignorant regarding Europe. Smacking a child is against the law in countries like Spain.

Virtue signalling nonsense.

I would have shouted at her too. In the heat of the moment sometimes you can't process what comes out of your mouth before it actually does, but good for you OP for showing her that behaviour is not ok

If I as a adult walked up and slapped an adult in the face I would be up on assault charges.
So why the hell is is ok to hit a child and why do so many of you think it is fine or any form of “parenting”? It’s ok to hit a TODDLER (after all its small enough to be in a pram) in the face?
Wtf is wrong with you if you think that’s OK?
I have yet to see anyone hit a child who hasn’t lost their temper.
People hit kids have lost control of themselves.

Thank you OP for standing up for this toddler.

disciplining a child by smacking is a perfectly reasonable way of correcting a child's bad behaviour.
Beating a child black and blue is not.
Being undermined by a perfect stranger when disciplining a child is wrong.

I don't know.

I think if this parent was really abusive and this was just the bit they allowed to be seen in public then the intervention is not going to help this child and may make their life worse. They may well have to pay for the embarrassment they caused - in the mind of the abuser.

YANBU OP - I admire you for speaking up in a situation where many others would have turned a blind eye. Would it be worth calling the police to see if there’s anything they can do? From what you’ve said it sounds like assault and there’s a good chance the shop would have CCTV.

Well done for calling it out OP. You may not have said quite the right thing, but I appreciate you were taken aback and had no time to think.

Smacking may not be illegal but it bloody well should be. Hitting anyone is totally unacceptable, but especially a 3 year old child. If she's hitting a 3 year old around the face in public, I hate to think what goes on behind closed doors.

Well, Britain is in Europe so you are also European. And European isn't a culture.
But, I agree that what she did was awful. You weren't wrong in speaking to the mum, but you could have said something more helpful.

Would it be worth calling the police to see if there’s anything they can do?

Are there any other legal behavious which are socially frowned upon that you would feel it's appropriate to call the police about?

As smacking is legal in the UK, IMO it would depend on the force of the smack regarding whether you were you correct to intervene. I don’t agree with smacking at all, but I don’t believe it’s right to intervene when another person is engaging in a legal action of which I personally disapprove.

Furthermore, your “don’t do that crap here” line was somewhat poorly put and a bit offensive, intentional or not, as you were effectively commenting on the fact you were “aware” of her not being British in the context of what you perceived as her poor parenting. But it’s easy to judge from afar and it was heat of the moment (assuming you don’tgenerally possess negative attitudes towards other cultures).

"In the heat of the moment sometimes you can't process what comes out of your mouth before it actually does"

But if what comes out of your mouth is racist it shows what you think.

Cam77
As smacking is legal in the UK

Not in the whole of the UK. Assaulting children is illegal in Scotland.

It would be worth checking the law but hitting and behaving like this in public makes you wonder what happens behind closed doors ... ...

I am trying to think what I might have done. On an occasion when a mother was hitting her child clinging to a tree outside primary school, I reported it to the Headteacher.

When I have seen a yelling child and stressed mum, I have spoken with mum to try and tried to say something to relieve the tension ... along the lines of so stressful when theyy're this age or smile and been there got the t shirt, or are you ok. When actually physical violence, I have not witnessed this, but I think you were right to speak up in the moment ... even if it came out incorrectly ... makes no issue "where we are from" so that was in my opinion inappropriate, but at least you didnt turn a blind eye. What could we say in a situation like that? If we knew the law (and there was one) or something along the lines of "Are you both ok? (to distract) Im a bit worried because if xxx saw you both this upset, may need assistance with behaviours, have you thought of speaking to your health visitor/GP etc" (Apologies if thought feeble, but trying to bring into reality what I would say.)

So racist of you “ we don’t do that crap here”

Jesús! By the way, over the years, I have seen a lot of British white women hitting young kids and behaving like that, you may not move in the circles where they move.

But you may have a point. I remember talking to a child psychologist who had worked in several countries around the world saying that child abuse was mostly smacking and hitting in other countries while in the UK it was sexual abuse. So there you go.

Illegal in most of Europe but notably not all of the UK. Quite a strong level of xenophobia in your original statement though.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childcorporallpunishmentlaws

I thought you were very brave to tackle this women about her abusive behaviour.

We cannot always use the correct words in times of stress, so don't feel bad about your choice. You stopped this women hitting her toddler and hopefully made her stop and think about what she was doing.

Smacking a child is illegal in sixty countries but sadly still not illegal in the UK. The Association of Educational Psychologists (AEP) is calling for a ban. Hopefully, it happens soon.

@Nearlygranny

All children are everyone's children is my belief. We all have a responsibility to look out for the weak and vulnerable in society and if we turn a blind eye we are condoning the behaviour we see.

An interesting perspective, but how far do we take this perspective?
Should society intervene if I know that a parent at school is teaching their child that the Bible is the literal truth and that child is terrified of burning in hell? Arguably worse than the occasional smack. What about
parents “forcing” their small child to be vegan or alternatively “forcing” their small child to eat pigs, cows and other intelligent creatures. We all have different beliefs... be a good citizen and help enforce the law by all means, but the law is there for a reason...

I think the OP has had a hard time on here. Everyone defending the abuser saying you were racist to her. She was abusing a child and you stopped that child getting at least 1 blow. Well done I wish more people were like you and it makes me think of times in the past when I wish I had stepped in and been the voice of the child.

I don't know why so many people are jumping on the OP. Ok she could have phrased her point better but she didn't have a lot of time to think and plan her words, she saw a child being harmed and rightly intervened. Surely the most important aspect here is the well being of the child not the wording of the OP?

I'm with you OP, I think you did the right thing, children are defenceless and need us to be vigilant to abuse and brave enough to step in.

I couldn't have stood by whilst a child was being hit in the chest and face either so yanbu op.

Op I think you're' very brave speaking up for the child and getting involved.

That must have been really hard to witness OP. I hate it when adults hit kids.

But, by mentioning her different nationality, you immediately added fuel to the whole Brits are a bunch of racist arseholes thing. Where she was from had nothing to do with it. Some English people hit children too, even though they are not supposed to. To say "We don't do that here" was quite an obnoxious comment to be honest.

YANBU

There is far too much shitty, childhood ruining parenting out there and far too many people happy to excuse it.

There have been several posts both on here and parenting forums I frequent recently where women have described awful behaviour towards their D.C. Then nearly every reply is of the ‘We’re all human. Don’t beat yourself up’ type.

Sorry but if you’re hitting your child/shouting at them every day/getting constantly angry because they keep you awake at night then you SHOULD feel terrible about yourself and your awful behaviour.

Are there any other legal behavious which are socially frowned upon that you would feel it's appropriate to call the police about?

We’re not talking about a light tap on the bum here - the woman smacked the child’s chest and was going for their face before the OP intervened. I think the police and social services would be very interested to hear about that, especially since if the woman is prepared to behave like that in public, it’s almost certain she’s a hell of a lot worse behind closed doors. There’s no harm in giving the police a quick call and seeing what they say.