To have confronted a mother smacking her child in public

[Roux95]

I was with OH in a clothes shop this afternoon looking for some bits. It was an extreme rarity for us to be child free so we were enjoying having a wander round without the double buggy!

When looking at some clothes I could hear a hysterical child having a tantrum, a hissing (parent i assume) and the sound of smacking. I looked around the racks I was browsing and sure enough a woman was knelt down at child height, hissing at the toddler to behave, smacked the child on the chest area and then went to smack the child's face but shot her hand down when she clocked that I was watching.

I was angered by what I saw and raised my voice at her to stop hitting the child, i told her we don't do that crap here (she was european - this is possibly not relevant but I know some cultures parent differently) and that her behaviour was disgusting and she should be ashamed and how would she like it if somebody her own size hit her.

This must have shocked the child as they stopped crying and the mother(?) sheepishly put the child into the pram rushed off.

OH was visibly embarrassed at being part of this confrontation but I think I was justified personally. In hindsight I think I could have said all of the above without raising my voice but my maternal instinct kicked in and I was furious for the child.

Was I being unreasonable for interesting? What would you have done?

The temporary disruption of which law of physics? Is there a law of physics that states that once an object is in motion, it's impossible to stop it before it reaches its final destination ? There's a lot of nitpicking posts on this website but yours is one of the worst I've seen.

This thread is so depressing.
Just because some people still hit their kids doesn't make it right!
No child deserves to be hit.
Why adults think it's acceptable to smack a small child when they'd never resolve a conflict with another adult by hitting them, is beyond me.

I would have been horrified OP but I don't think I'd have been brave enough to say anything. Well done for sticking up for the poor child.

Even if the child wasn’t injured - the poor wee thing was probably scared.

The OP stood in and hopefully the mum was ashamed and think again before getting angry. Who knows what’s going on in her life (not that it excused walloping anyone). The OP didn’t have time to pen an eloquent speech and spoke off the cuff to stop the hitting.

Shouting at people to stop hitting their kids is not going to stop them hitting your kids. She probably went home and gave her kid a good beating behind close doors.

Which is why I think the OP should call the police for their advice.

Do you expect the police to go door to door to find the mother? Talking to the police is completely pointless.

OP you dealt with it really badly. The ‘we don’t do that here’ is factually wrong and xenophobic. Particularly as you later approve of ‘taps on hands’. The mother wasn’t behaving well but your own behaviour wasn’t much better.

I would and do intervene everytime i see a kid being abused in public

Completely agree with you @lotsofoysters

I'm glad you said something OP, I would have called her out as well. I'm quite shocked by the replies on this thread though. Yes you could have choose your words better but it was heat of moment and you just witnessed a grown woman hitting a child! TWICE

@Roux95 - it is legal to smack but not so hard that it would leave a mark. From the sounds of it is was possible it would have left a mark, though.

I think you were right to speak up about abuse, although the way you went about it wasn't the best. But of course you were acting on the spur of the moment. I would be horrified if I saw someone hitting a toddler, too. It would make me so sad for them

I think smacking needs to become illegal here to make it very clear physical abuse is wrong no matter who you are doing it to.

Good for you OP. Hopefully she'll think twice next time. Well done for intervening

It's illegal to smack in Scotland

Smacking isn't a "parenting skill" it's how you show your child that you've absolutely no control or ability to use words to help calm them down. People who smack are cunts, end of.

OP, you did the right thing.
Language in the heat of the moment not the best but your intentions were well meant.
I'd have intervened too. People on here are quick to criticise when they probably would have walked by and turned a blind eye.
Its never acceptable to smack a child, IMO.

I think someone hitting a child across the chest and potentially face is horrendous. I would definitely have given a shocked impression and maybe asked if everything was ok if I was feeling brave.

Your actual comments were inappropriate in my opinion though. You judged someone based on their nationality to start with. Then you made false claims, you stated that "we don't do that here", when we do, it's not as socially accepted in the UK, but people hit their children and worse everyday. As for your statement about it being illegal in the UK, it's not illegal for the whole of the UK. It is in Scotland and Wales have been debating introducing it for years now, but currently it's a divided issue.

While I doubt anyone is justifying her actions, which I believe were at best bad parenting but possibly abusive. But your actions were not right. You shouted at someone in public, you told them false facts and judged them based on what? Their accent or appearance?

Perfectly reasonable to intervene, and in the heat of the moment few of us have time to rehearse the exact right thing to say.

There are times when a quick ‘whoa, stop hurting your child’ can prevent an onslaught in process.
Once I intervened with a distraught woman tough handling her child at a checkout and said “oh here let me help, you look as if you have had enough of today “ and she burst into tears and I held her child while she unloaded her shopping.

Last week I decided not to intervene when a woman was coldly forcing her child to sit still and stare forward by squeezing his ear. I knew that if I intervened she would treat him worse at home.

If it feels right and safe, intervene and follow your instincts. It is good for parents to see their behaviour in the eyes of others.

But, you can do this in the basis of what is right and kind. Don’t make up hyperbolic bollocks like “people have children removed for less than I witnessed today”.

I think you were brave to confront her and it was the right thing to do. You could have chosen your words better, especially as hitting children is illegal in most of Europe, but it was said in the heat of the moment, and now you know! We don't know how often this woman hits her child, but any child who is subjected to regular physical abuse would be so grateful for your intervention. It might be the first time that someone else has shown them that this is not acceptable. That's the thing to focus on here, well done, OP.

You shouldn't have said what you said but I can understand that you were angry at the abuse you saw and it sounds like you saw red and said something you shouldn't have. Try and accept what you said was racist. It doesn't absolve the woman hitting her child though. If she is doing that in public god knows what goes on behind closed doors.

I think we all agree that the wording of the reprimand was not good. However, people are getting side-tracked by that and making that the issue.

Op is asking if she was right to confront the woman about the smacking.

Personally, although it's not illegal and it isn't a race/ethnicity issue, I think if I'd seen what sounds like very heavy handed treatment, I would have spoken up too.
It is a shame that the issue has got muddled up with the race thing. If Op had turned round and seen what she would consider a typical white British person doing the smacking, would she have shouted? Was the shouting due to both the smacking and see someone who didn't look what she imagine British to be doing it - so partly racially motivated?

I suspect the key issue was the smacking. It was the sound of smacking that caused her to look. It was seeing the smack on the chest and the going towards the face that led to her shouting. Interesting to wonder if a well-to-do middle class white lady was the perpetrator, if Op would have shouted, or stopped at looking and giving a cold look.

I think people do react differently to different types of people perpetrating crimes/unacceptable behaviours. Well dressed people who look like fine upstanding citizens often get away with more from both the authorities but also society as a whole, whereas, Other groups are more likely to be criticised.

It's hard to separate the race issue and what was partly a racist response, whatever Op says or intended, from the smacking issue. I do think the smacking was the key feature here and Op was right to speak, but it was a shame and just shows how someone's race can influence how people respond.

I think you did the right thing!!

You did the right thing and I hope that woman thinks twice before hitting her child in public again. It may not help the child at home but at least she may get a reprieve in public if the mother thinks she might get in trouble.

I agree with you that smacking like that is just an angry parent relieving their frustration. It's not appropriate punishment.

You did the right thing.

People are jumping on the wrong thing. The mum knew it was wrong because she stopped when she saw op. If she thought it was fine, she'd have carried on. And she looked embarrassed afterwards.

She lost her temper at the child and was thankfully stopped. Dunno why people aren't focusing on the abuse rather than the clearly not racist attitude the op apparently has. Abuse is fine apparently to these people I guess.

Regardless of the rights and wrongs of smacking (and I think they are mostly wrongs) a 3 year old will learn nothing by being hit. I think you did the right thing, and the so called 'racist' element is not that. Some countries have a much more accepting view of corporeal punishment, which doesn't make it right.

A smacked arse never did me any harm

Well it clearly did because you now think it's ok to hit children

If a man hits a woman once, he's an abuser. If a woman hits a child once, she's a child abuser.

If a man tells a woman it was her own fault, she asked for it, he's still an abuser.
If a woman tells a child it her their own fault and they asked for it, she's still a child abuser.

^ This. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with some people on this thread?

Would the posters saying they’d offer the parent a cup of tea do the same to a man they saw hitting a woman on the chest and going for her face? No, thought not. So why is this situation any different?

@FourTeaFallOut if you think the OP is making it up then why not report the thread?