To have confronted a mother smacking her child in public

[Roux95]

I was with OH in a clothes shop this afternoon looking for some bits. It was an extreme rarity for us to be child free so we were enjoying having a wander round without the double buggy!

When looking at some clothes I could hear a hysterical child having a tantrum, a hissing (parent i assume) and the sound of smacking. I looked around the racks I was browsing and sure enough a woman was knelt down at child height, hissing at the toddler to behave, smacked the child on the chest area and then went to smack the child's face but shot her hand down when she clocked that I was watching.

I was angered by what I saw and raised my voice at her to stop hitting the child, i told her we don't do that crap here (she was european - this is possibly not relevant but I know some cultures parent differently) and that her behaviour was disgusting and she should be ashamed and how would she like it if somebody her own size hit her.

This must have shocked the child as they stopped crying and the mother(?) sheepishly put the child into the pram rushed off.

OH was visibly embarrassed at being part of this confrontation but I think I was justified personally. In hindsight I think I could have said all of the above without raising my voice but my maternal instinct kicked in and I was furious for the child.

Was I being unreasonable for interesting? What would you have done?

Well done for standing up for the kid OP, but next time drop the casual racism.

I’m in Scotland, and now it’s illegal to smack, all you see are toddlers being yanked by the arm and parents hissing through clenched teeth “that’s it, I’m taking you tae Carlisle!!!” 😖(joke)

Well I am mature enough and self aware enough to say that in 10years of parenting 3 children I have occasionally lost my rag and I accept that I would have shouted a few times and probably been rough a few times too (putting shoes on/coats on in a way that wouldnt have been great for the kids, because we needed to get going, getting their hand/arm and pulling them towards the exit because I'd had enough, carrying them kicking and screaming and putting them on the car seat even if they didn't like it and even God forbid slap a hand back when trying to avoid getting hit myself by a child out of control). But those are rare occasions and I try to avoid losing my calm whenever possible. With time I think I am getting better and my kids are extremely pleasant children most of the time so can't be doing too bad.

We don't know anything about this stranger other than she lost her rag and was publicly shamed by the OP with a racist comment. To say she is a child abuser is a massive leap.

The mother was hissing at her three year old child and about to hit them on the face.

I agree, this thread is bonkers. Who cares how the OP said it.

@oblada but you haven't hit or screamed at your children then, have you?

If a man hits a woman once, he's an abuser. If a woman hits a child once, she's a child abuser.

If a man tells a woman it was her own fault, she asked for it, he's still an abuser.
If a woman tells a child it her their own fault and they asked for it, she's still a child abuser.

and about to hit them on the face.

I'll repeat my earlier post. How do you almost hit someone on the face? If there is the enough momentum that the tragectory is known, then how would you stop that slap mid-flow because someone popped out of nowhere? Does that sound feasible? Or does it sound exaggerated for effect and for full hero status?

itwaseverthus "There is so much I loathe about Scotland and the laws the SNP have introduced."

Oh look another opportunity to have a dig at the SNP...well move then.

Its disturbing how many people are having a go at OP regarding her words, maybe it wasnt great but this was a child about to get a slap on tbe face! OPs words are really the worst thing??

Not in Scotland WorraLiberty It's been illegal for a few years and the campaign to make it so a lot longer.

It hasn’t. It was passed on law October 2019.

If you are going to preach patronisingly, it helps to get your facts right.

@crispysausagerolls she was hardly 'BEATING' her child, by the OP's description of the situation. @Thefaceofboe How often do I hit my children? Never. But I went to the doctor and asked for help when my eldest was a year old and I lost my temper and started swearing at her. So I know what it feels like for things to get too much. If I had lost my temper in public, I know I would have needed some kindness and an offer of help rather than being shouted at. Also, can you imagine that poor 3 year old. Not just having to deal with her mother losing her self control, but also then having to deal with a stranger's angry shouting. Judgement and anger will never improve a situation.

My DC are 20 and 17 and I won't bother myself justifying to any of you the occasions why I have smacked them ( there were maybe 2-3 )
Never on the head or face

If you'd challanged me in public I'd have told you to fuck right off though

there were maybe 2-3 occasions , not their ages

Yanbu OP I'm currently waiting to give a police statement because I reported a mother screaming at her child and slapping and shoving him. I managed to get her registration number and report her and they've taken it so seriously it has surprised me. We all need to look out for kids.

My parents slapped me as a child. Not often but they did. Not their greatest moments and if they had their turn again they would try to do it differently.
However it was just 1 bad decision in the midst of many other parental choices they made, many of them extremely good.
Look at the whole picture.
A parent who never hits/slaps but doesn't care is in my view worse than a parent who has lost their rag a couple of times to the extent that they screamed/slapped but otherwise are an involved, active, caring parent. We all make mistakes. We're not perfect. Don't judge people for 1 bad decision.

OP you did the right thing & strangely people are focusing on the wrong thing. Whether it's legal or not in England is not the issue. You intervened and helped out a child being assaulted. I agree with people who question that if she's prepared to smack in public then what is going on at home?

If you'd challanged me in public I'd have told you to fuck right off though

Assaulting children and verbally abusing people-.

Funny that race discrimination IS illegal in the UK and yet we're focusing on the wrong thing...

A smacked arse never did me any harm (I’m early 20s) My mother was the most patient in the world but I was a little twat. Hitting the face and chest is disgusting, but a smacked bum is, well a smacked bum!

Shouting at people make them defensive and less likely to examine their behaviour or beliefs. You only have to read through this thread to see it in action. I admire the OP’s desire to protect a small child but have to agree that if possible, a gentle “is everything ok” approach might be better. Chances are of course that whatever approach is taken, in private parents will continue to hit their children and do much worse than you see in public. Sadly.

@FourTeaFallOut of course it’s feasible a post is exaggerated. For the OP to shouted though, it sounds like it was quite upsetting to witness.

I was in Cardiff a while back and witnessed a mother screaming at her baby in it’s pushchair across the road. I walked on but I still think about it sometimes and wonder if I should have. I get parents have bad days, I do too, but these are tiny children. It’s normal to care.

Yanbu.
It's not reasonable to hit anyone nevermind an adult hitting a small child on their face.
It's very difficult to say exactly the right thing in the heat of the moment.
Regardless of the law it's not on and I think most of us know that.

I'm just interested in the temporary disruption of the laws of physics which allowed the event to take place in the manner the op describes.

@disneybee

Hitting a child
On the chest and going for the face is beating a child. Not sure why you think otherwise. God only knows what she does to the child at home if this is in public.

I'm not saying its right. It is definitely wrong to smack. But we don't know what the mum Is going through she could have had so much going on that she reached the end of her tether. If shes not from this country maybe she does not know how to access help.

I doubt she actually hurt the child when she smacked him/her on the chest assuming she probably had a coat on which would have padded it.

I think you did a good thing sticking up for the child, just in slightly the wrong way. Use different words if you see another child in need.

I doubt she actually hurt the child when she smacked him/her on the chest assuming she probably had a coat on which would have padded it

What the actual fuck.

I always wonder what they do behind closed doors when they smack them happily in public. It is always the right thing to do to protect a child. You know you fucked up with the language and am surprised you posted it here. Learn from the casual racism it's not OK. I have a friend who worked in an asda and used to tell some genuinely unpleasant stories of people assaulting kids. They used to pass cctv footage to the police and social services and were always happy to call police whilst beaters were still in the store.