To have confronted a mother smacking her child in public

[Roux95]

I was with OH in a clothes shop this afternoon looking for some bits. It was an extreme rarity for us to be child free so we were enjoying having a wander round without the double buggy!

When looking at some clothes I could hear a hysterical child having a tantrum, a hissing (parent i assume) and the sound of smacking. I looked around the racks I was browsing and sure enough a woman was knelt down at child height, hissing at the toddler to behave, smacked the child on the chest area and then went to smack the child's face but shot her hand down when she clocked that I was watching.

I was angered by what I saw and raised my voice at her to stop hitting the child, i told her we don't do that crap here (she was european - this is possibly not relevant but I know some cultures parent differently) and that her behaviour was disgusting and she should be ashamed and how would she like it if somebody her own size hit her.

This must have shocked the child as they stopped crying and the mother(?) sheepishly put the child into the pram rushed off.

OH was visibly embarrassed at being part of this confrontation but I think I was justified personally. In hindsight I think I could have said all of the above without raising my voice but my maternal instinct kicked in and I was furious for the child.

Was I being unreasonable for interesting? What would you have done?

IN THE FACE

We don't do that crap here???

Racist bilge.

I think if you were really bothered, you distract the parent to prevent it happening.

You don't shout at a child's parent in front of them and undermine their authority, regardless of whether you agree with their approach.

Also did you actually see smacking?

I was with a friend once at a soft play. A mother tapped an incredibly naughty child on the bottom lightly for pushing a smaller child over. My friend was outraged and refereed to this all day as "smacking" and "hitting". It was barely anything.

Indeed and I rather question the authenticity of the rest of the story.

Why? confused

How would you go about almost smacking someone's face? If you already had enough momentum that the trajectory was clear then no amount of suprise do-gooder intervention is going to stop that slap landing, at least somewhere, is it?

I’m not condoning hitting a child, especially not round the face but to be honest I don’t get involved with strangers parenting. Different cultures, different families, different views. Everyone has a right to parent as they see fit and we don’t all agree. That’s fine but I wouldn’t have a go at another parent in public!

So you shouted to show that the mother shouldn't have lost her rag? You showed her that by losing yours? Very useful! She probably lost her rag because she was out of about and felt self-conscious.
A 'are you ok?/having a tough day?'would have been much better rather than judging her in that split second. You say she was going to smack the child in the face but then didn't. Maybe she raised her hand in anger and wouldn't have done it anyway. You don't know.

As for the racist comment - of course that was racist and of course that was completely out of order.

I don't think there is anything wrong with pointing out there are cultural differences in parenting styles. I remember in sixth form having a discussion about smacking and the majority of the Asian students said they were punished in that way whilst this was not the case for the white students. This was 7 years ago.

This, and besides, who gives a fuck about the feelings of a child abuser. Well done OP.

'Out and about'

Well you were right to tell her to stop but you didn’t have to add the bit about ‘we don’t do that here’. Plenty of British born people beat their kids regardless of whether it’s illegal or not. The fact so many kids are in care is a direct result of neglectful and often violent parenting. The British are not superior parents. Hitting kids in the face is most likely also frowned upon/illegal in her country of origin too. She’s a violent woman, nothing to do with where she was born.

The woman should be ashamed and hopefully the intervention will make her think twice before doing it again. But you need to work on your British superiority complex.

@speakout @crispysausagerolls I'd love to hear your mandate on how to be a perfect parent at all times! Without ever losing your shit when your toddler is acting up. Go on, tell the rest of us mere mortals how it's done 👍

Not the best choice of words to use, but good on you for saying something and stopping that small child being smacked again

Thank you for standing up for the child OP. Too many children suffer abuse and they need people to champion their interests and protect them.

It was heat of the moment and you did the right thing.

There was an element of casual racism in the way the OP spoke to the the mother (and I hope this post has educated them), but fundamentally the act of advocating for that child was a good thing.

I can't help feeling that if the mother then wrote a post on MN about being a victim of racism would we ignore that and blast her for hitting her child?

So if a 60 year old man wanted to marry a 12 year old girl in the UK, would you find it unacceptable to say ‘we don’t do that here’? Because we don’t. It’s not racist it’s a fact. In the uk, it’s not normal to smack your child round the face even if it is in other parts of Europe.

No child 'deserves a smack' not one. Never!

It is completely unacceptable to ever raise a hand in violence against a child.

Well done for standing up for the child OP, unfortunately I doubt it will stop the mother and may have made her angrier.

This thread. Trust MN posters to completely side step the issue a small child was being hit and just focus on the OP choice of phrase when addressing it 🤷‍♀️

I'd love to hear your mandate on how to be a perfect parent at all times! Without ever losing your shit when your toddler is acting up. Go on, tell the rest of us mere mortals how it's done 👍

No need for sarcasm.

There are many good ways to parent without assaulting a child.

Fgs the woman is now a 'child abuser' because she smacked her toddler's chest.... Thank God the world is filled of perfect parents like the posters here who have never shouted/screamed at their kids, said the wrong thing or generally lost their rag.

There are many good ways to parent without assaulting a child yep

@oblada you don't have to be a perfect parent to not hit or scream at a child. You just have to not be an abusive one.

If you can't cope without hitting or screaming at your children I suggest you seek professional help.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland well said

@disneybee how often do you hit your children?

To be honest I don't really care about the mothers feelings I know the original poster didn't say things in the best way but at least she had the guts to stand up for what she thinks is right. Hitting a child is so terribly wrong maybe not illegal but morally wrong. Children do push us parents into anger sometimes but as we are the adults we should know how to control ourselves.

@disneybee

Perfect parent? Who knows. Good parent? I’d say the bare minimum to get on the road to that would be NOT BEATING YOUR CHILD.

Fuck me.

You had me up until "we don't do that crap here (she was european - this is possibly not relevant but I know some cultures parent differently)"

Me too. Then I figured, since the UK is significantly more pro smacking than the rest of Europe it was possibly another Friday night Brexit thread.