Long time lurker, first time poster but I just need to rant!
My husband and I have been married for a few years and together for under a decade. We have, on the whole, a very happy marriage. We had a baby last year and she completes our family. All sounds great doesn’t it?.....
Now the problem is my mother in law (and my husband!) Throughout our time together, my mother in law has shown little interest in me (one year I received a dead plant a week late for my birthday!) She never came round to our old house - maybe 5 times in 5 years, although my husband did go to his parents house sometimes too. His parents have made derogatory remarks about my background and much much more - I could honestly be here all day! My husband has relied heavily on my mum for everything over the years which she has been fine with and she has also looked after our dog while we both worked. His own parents have never offered to help us out in any way (apart from some money when my husband’s grandparents died - which we were obviously very grateful for!) His mother is so hard to describe but she’s basically an oddball! She has said things like my baby thinks shes (MIL) her mum and other bonkers stuff. They have helped to look after their other grandchildren (his sisters) for many years but I have disagreed with what has been allowed (underage drinking - VERY underage! lack of any discipline, lying to my husbands sister about things that have happened to the kids) . They looked after our dog for the first time ever for one of the nights when I was in hospital and he came back the next day with a pus filled hole in his side and no explanation to how it has happened - just as an example!
When I had my own child, I, of course, allowed his parents to come over (they live v local) but they came 5/6/7 times a week, every week for the first few weeks. Obviously this was a major shock to the system! My husbands mum asks me to make her cups of tea or to feed the other grandchildren (I had nearly died in childbirth so wasn’t feeling great!) and she hasn’t offered any help, just ‘you get on with your jobs, I’ll hold the baby’. She even snatched the baby out of my arms. She always asks how things affect my husband but never me! This upset me but thought the intensity would stop in time.
From then on my husband has been constantly asked what days and what times they will be having the baby ALONE! My husband said to them, after I asked him, to tell them they can’t come 5 times a week and to give me some time. They continue to pester all the time but I do not need them to have my baby when I am not there as I enjoy being with my baby and we are always together. If I have anything planned, the baby goes to my mums as I trust her so much more. His mum has now started sending passive aggressive texts like ’i will come to yours, but don’t worry, I will wait on the doorstep and not come in’. My husband thinks she’s being genuine and doesn’t want to disturb us but I disagree! They do see the baby at least once a week but I like myself or my husband to be there as I don’t trust them alone at the moment but this has caused arguments between myself and my husband. He can’t understand why I don’t trust them but my reasons aren’t getting through to him! AIBU?
There’s so much more that has gone on but don’t want to bore everyone and obviously I’ve been a bit vague to hide my identity!