Is this reasonable or is it intentional

[tripleback]

My girlfriend is having a dental procedure done today.it involves a general anaesthetic but is not serious as a procedure.
I have a long standing engagement that is not extremely important.It involves meeting old friends from my last place of work in a different city , one of whom I had a relationship with many years ago. I was really looking forward to this but my girlfriend was not too happy that my ex was going to be there too.
My girlfriend andI are together twelve months.We are very happy, do not live together,but are very involved in each other's lives.
She has poor relationships with her family and one one close friend. She is very close to her sister only.
She insisted that I collect her and be her next of kin.I have agreed to this but think that she could have asked her sister who lives nearby and would be available to collect her. I have cancelled my meet up and am disappointed. Is it unreasonable of her or me or even intentional ?

To be fair though, if I was in the girlfriend's position and I had the choice between a) leaving with my sister as soon as the procedure is over (and then being in comfortable surroundings), or b) waiting in the dentist's waiting room for an hour after the procedure for my boyfriend to pick me up, I'd go with the sister option. Wouldn't most people?

"She could have picked a day when Op didn't have plans"

The OP says himself in his opening post "I have a long standing engagement that is not extremely important" - maybe she didn't realise how much he wants to go?

I don't think you're being unreasonable actually. You said your engagement was long standing and involved travelling to another city. Fair enough.

Your GF's procedure isn't serious but she needs collecting afterwards. Fair enough.

If you were the only one who could do the collecting then I'd say you were unreasonable. However, she is very close to her sister. Her sister lives very close by and is available. GF not worried by the procedure. BUT GF not happy that an ex of yours happens to be part of this social meet-up.

Do the maths.

If she's so awful, dump her. What's the debate?

It's no good moaning on here to us, why didn't you speak to her when an alternative could have been arranged.

"maybe she didn't realise how much he wants to go?"

So why not just make the appointment for another day anyway?

OP: "Am I being unreasonable?"
Respondents: "Yes you are. Look at this from the other person's point of view"
OP: "DRIPFEED DRIPFEED DRIPFEED I AM NOT BEING UNREASONABLE."

YABU. The fact you keep saying you've only been going out 12 months as if that justifies it shows that you're not ready for the commitment of a two-way relationship and only want the good times. And you say you're going to go with her but it's clear you resent having to take care of her. Well I guess now we know Disney dads start out being Disney boyfriends.

So why not just make the appointment for another day anyway?

It's been Christmas and new year which are usually choc a bloc to take annual leave/get an appointment, then a lot of companies don't like you taking time off towards the end of the month (assuming she works). Why should she have to wait until February?

Of course all of this is speculation and she could be a needy manipulative whinebag. We just don't know.

If after more than a year you would rather go and meet your ex than be there for your current girlfriend then you need to end the relationship. I feel sorry for her.

I think there is a difference between a girlfriend and partner. Someone I have been seeing/dating for a year, having never lived together nor discussed any future long term commitment is NOT a partner.

Having said that, I think she suspects you are not as 'in' as she is - wanting you there after a procedure is only natural.

My partner, who I do not live with, would be concerned and insist on collecting me. Doesn't seem like you have much of a relationship there. You should show her this thread so that she really understands how little you care. Then she can make a choice to leave and find someone better.

The dental procedure may not be serious (although when my friend had it done he said he seriously underestimated what having a wisdom tooth out feels like) but having a general anaesthetic is always serious and the patient always needs minding afterwards.

Totally understand why she’d want her partner around not her sister.

I do suspect though, that with this kind of non-urgent procedure, she could perhaps have asked the dentist to schedule it on a different date. There may be a simple explanation eg perhaps dentist is very booked up. But it would have been worth asking.

Not sure what whining about it on the internet is going to achieve though, would have made more sense to ask her if it’s at all possible to reschedule the appointment. Or perhaps pay for a private dentist to do it on a different date. But late now though.

Hm. When you have general anaesthetic, as pp have said, you're usually advised to have someone with you for 24 hrs after. I've done this for a friend when her family were away. I've heard of other friends doing it for each other.

It's just one of those helpful things you do if you're close to someone.

My husband has a long standing health condition and has had numerous surgeries, I am his official next of kin. Never once have I had to 'sign him off' after an op

You clearly resent being asked to help. That's fine, you're entitled to feel that way but it looks like you two just aren't compatible. Agree with pp who said end it now and put her out of her misery.

I’m not sure I could be bothered with a boyfriend of a year that didn’t pick me up after a procedure requiring general anaesthetic, after a year of you can’t give each other mutual support, what’s the point?

When I had my wisdom teeth out, my now DH was in tears when I came out because I’d been in there a bit too long and he was worried something had gone wrong.

You just don’t sound into her op, late 20s is hardly a spring chicken.

This is a serious procedure though. My dentist takes patients back to her own home for 24 hours after procedures like that, if she thinks they won't have someone to look after them.

I think you both want different things from this relationship, OP. I think you want someone to have a good time with, which is perfectly valid, and your gf wants someone who loves her. Your idea of love is that you love having good moments together, but love is a lot more than that.

.she chose the date and time.

Did you already plans and did she know of them?

Fgs, split up with the poor lass.

She shouldn’t be wasting a year of her life with someone who is clearly not that invested. You’re in your late twenties, you aren’t a child. Grow up and have a real relationship or get out and let her meet someone who values her.

Hi op
I think you would be genuinely shocked to hear how your gf views your relationship,I very much doubt it is as you see it.
She wanted the love and support of her bf,and possibly,for him not to be out socialising with an ex .
Once the weekend is over you could sit down and discuss if you have a future together.

Thanks For comments.plenty of food for thought.

If she wanted the love and support of her boyfriend maybe she shouldn't deliberately have chosen a date that just happened to coincide with a long standing reunion in another city which just happens to be attended by an ex. She sounds needy. As a grown woman I consider myself perfectly able to look after myself after a minor procedure, GA or not and would take the support of my sister and not insist my BF cancels his longstanding plans to act as babysitter when Dsis can fetch paracetamol and cups of tea.

Turn this round. My BF of less than a heartburn whom I don't live is insisting I cancel a long standing reunion to pick him up from having a tooth out. His brother lives in the next street and is quite happy to collect him. An old BF of mine will be there and I think he doesn't want me to go because he's jealous !

Wonder what the replies would be.....