Is this reasonable or is it intentional

[tripleback]

My girlfriend is having a dental procedure done today.it involves a general anaesthetic but is not serious as a procedure.
I have a long standing engagement that is not extremely important.It involves meeting old friends from my last place of work in a different city , one of whom I had a relationship with many years ago. I was really looking forward to this but my girlfriend was not too happy that my ex was going to be there too.
My girlfriend andI are together twelve months.We are very happy, do not live together,but are very involved in each other's lives.
She has poor relationships with her family and one one close friend. She is very close to her sister only.
She insisted that I collect her and be her next of kin.I have agreed to this but think that she could have asked her sister who lives nearby and would be available to collect her. I have cancelled my meet up and am disappointed. Is it unreasonable of her or me or even intentional ?

She may well have done it so that you couldn’t meet your ex, from the way you speak about her I’m not surprised she’s not feeling secure about your relationship and feelings for her.

You seem very hung up on the next of kin issue. This doesn’t make you her next of kin forever, it makes you the person that will get in touch with today if need be. It’s not the same as marriage!!

My husband has been next of kin for me for several procedures, he’s never had so much as a phone call but does (quite happily) pick me up afterwards.

I've been put on the waiting list for wisdom teeth under a GA.
I've been told by the surgeon that the recovery will potentially be awful and I should take a week off work after.
If its a general anaesthetic for wisdom teeth, it means that is going to be a more difficult procedure than normal (its normally done either under local anaesthetic or sedation).
She's going to wake up in pain and sore, after being together a year it is not unreasonable for her to want her boyfriend around to look after her and give her sympathy and drinks.

You don't see her as your partner but you do love her?

Sorry, but no.

I love my partner (together just over two years) and if he was having a procedure that involved being put to sleep, I would be there, whatever I had to cancel.

It's a social meet up. There will be another.

I don't think you can just declare someone your next of kin. It's a legal term. If married your next of kin is your spouse. If not married then it's your parents/siblings /children. I may be wrong about that but I really don't think you can just say "so and so is my next of kin" without going through some legal stuff.
I also think she is taking this relationship more serious than you are. Time for a talk.

Oh fgs just dump the poor girl and put her out of her misery.

It's not really unreasonable to ask your boyfriend of a year to be there for you after a GA, you couldn't care about her at all to be begrudgingly agreeing to this.

Just dump her and let her find someone that is actually into her.

And I've had wisdom teeth out under GA, the recovery was absolutely horrendous and worse than after giving birth.

This is a dental procedure rather than a hospital appointment so odds on she had a choice on dates. Or was it urgent? My thoughts would be, why is she having this procedure the day you go on your long standing reunion? I would want to know if it could have been postponed and if this was designed to stop you from going.

You still have a choice to go away if you can contact her sister but t that will mean the end of your relationship. What is more important to you?

Her sister lives around the corner and is free to collect her much earlier than I am so I did wonder why she was insistent on me being next of kin and her transport and why she wanted to stay at mine for the weekend

Because, @tripleback, this is not about pragmatism, it is about your g/f wanting to feel looked after by - you know - her b/f.

You seem a little blase about the effects of general anesthetic.
The fact that she'll only be out for 10 minutes is immaterial - she will be woozy, disorientated, & prone to low mood for a few days.

Having a wisdom tooth out fucking hurts, in case you were also in ignorance of that. People tend to want to feel comforted afterwards. Maybe your g/f's sister IS the better option after all - because despite your claim to "love" your g/f, not once have you commented on how nasty the procedure she is going through will be for her, nor made any remarks about how she might be feeling.

Here is your chance to actively demonstrate to your g/f that YES, her feelings matter & YES, she is more important to you than a drink with your ex.
If you cannot do that willingly, wholeheartedly, & emotionally generously, I suggest you do your g/f a big favour, ditch her, & go & get pissed with your ex instead.

Although saying that, my DD1 had all wisdom teeth out plus her jaw broken and reset under GA. Had morphine the day after, but needed no painkillers after that, and was home and eating (through a straw) the following day. Dental recover CAN be really fast.

i actually drove myself home two days after my dental operation. Had no choice.

I don't think you can just declare someone your next of kin

I don't think the OP's girlfriend is thinking in legal terms, she just means that she's put the OP on her medical forms at the dentist as the person to be contacted in case of emergency etc , as explained here --

www.royalfree.nhs.uk/patients-visitors/advice-and-support/next-of-kin/

But you aren't actually next of kin, in a legal sense - you wouldn't be allowed to make decisions about her care if she was in hospital, for example, just because you're collecting her from the hospital (surely dentists don't do GA in the surgery - they certainly don't here: you have to go to the hospital for GA extractions).

Either way, you clearly aren't as in to her as she is to you - after a year, I think this is a mismatch in expectations, and would end it.

She is my girlfriend but I can't help but question the timing
You question away. After all, it's SO EASY to get access to dentistry these days, & I'm sure the clinic would have been delighted to schedule a specific date purely on your g/f's request, just to mess with your plans - it's not as it there are waiting lists or far too many patients to see already, is it?

and the insistence that I collect her and be her next of kin at this stage of relationship?
It's such a shame you are viewing her desire to be looked after by her b/f as "insistence" at this stage in the relationship, i.e., the early days, when happy couple are usually enjoying a honeymoon feeling.

If you feel grudging & suspicious at this stage in the relationship, how do you think matters are going to magically improve at some unspecified later stage?

For goodness sake, it's clear that YOU feel your g/f is insecure about your ex. If you want to prove her wrong, now is the time. You know what to do.

RainyDay - or girlfriend. OP hasn't said they are male.

Do you think she scheduled this to sabotage your plans? If so, you don't trust her. If she is trying to stop you seeing your ex, she doesn't trust you. This may be time to think about where you see the relationship going.

I agreed to collect her and be her next of kin. I am disappointed I am missing the reunion.she chose the date and time.she does not know I'm disappointed but maybe she saw from my reaction. I'm doing it.I didn't know if I was being unreasonable.weve both had these anaesthetics before and she has had a lot of previous dental work. She is not bothered about that.

If it’s a dentist appointment, (assuming private and not nhs) could she can not have booked the procedure at a more convenient time? ...personally I wouldn’t expect you to cancel the prior made plans for a trip to the dentist. Nor would I be willing to put my own plans on hold unless it was for a family member. It’s not like it’s major surgery? Unless I’m missing something here

She has told me that I must be the one to sign her off

It's been a year. Just end it. You think of it as a casual relationship, not a partner or someone to be the person to look after the other if you need it. She thinks of it as a serious long-term relationship where you're the person each of turns to. You're literally her significant other. Yet you only want to step in if nobody else can. It's a total mismatch and I think you're wasting her time TBF.

I am not anintense bloke and to be asked to be next of kin after a casual start to a year old relationship seems a bit full on to me.I am late twenties and am not near long term commitment to marriage or kids.

I see her as more than casual and I see her in my life in the future but after such a short time it does freak me out to be ' insisted and expected ' to be next of kin. I did not know who she was one year ago and now I'm next of kin.Is it so unreasonable to feel like this??

Does she know how you see the relationship? Are you 100% sure you're both on the same wavelength? If you have had this conversation and are both in agreement, I would say perhaps her feelings are evolving past this point and you need to re-address the conversation.

I had a wisdom tooth out under a general in the dentist's chair. Long waiting list, and little choice of dates unless I wanted to be in pain for longer, dentists need a separate anaesthetist, and they are not there every day, if the tooth needs to come out she will be in pain, and wants rid asap. I was 20 so young, but it still took a good while to feel better and I felt absolutely lousy after the anaesthetic, some people vomit after an anaesthetic and you need someone to look after you. IT's not like a jab in the jaw for a filling, it's an operation
If I was your ex girlfriend and learnt that you'd left your girlfriend post operatively I'd think what a lucky escape I had had

It sounds like she sees this as a more 'serious' relationship than you do, and she's hanging onto any excuse she can find to get you to 'look after' her.

I think you need to have a bit of an honest conversation with her about where you see this going.

If she's too intense for you after a year, you may be better off splitting up. I've been with my boyfriend for a year too, and have offered to collect him from two minor medical procedures because I love him and wanted to make sure he was OK/not in pain/. And yes, one of these involved cancelling a similar reunion to yours (although no exes present). I can catch up with them in future and I didn't resent it at all; it was my offer, not his request (or 'insistence'). It sounds as though you do resent it.

She has told me that I must be the one to sign her off

Did she use those exact words? If so, I'd probably be thinking about ending it. No-one has the right to dictate that from someone else.

Lately each time we meet she has a pain and ache or an infection or is sick and needs to be minded. I feel like I am her carer rather than her boyfriend.she has no other person in her life beside a sister and a friend.

That is a mighty dripfeed, Triple.

I think you should be kind, & look out for her over the dentist weekend - but following that, it would also be kind to have a very serious long think about whether you see this relationship panning out long term.

Next of kin in this context is just the person to contact in an emergency. This makes sense to be the person collecting her.

Yabu to begrudge doing this.

Just split up. Its not really working is it.

You're convinced she picked the date on purpose, you might be right. If You're right you need to split to protect yourself. If you're wrong you clearly think so poorly of you gf that continuing the relationship is diabolically foolish for both of your sakes.

If anyone i care about asked me to drop prior social arrangements and collect them from ANY hospital/GP appointment, id kinda be honoured they think of me that way. The fact you dont speaks volumes to your commitment to the relationship.

You really remind me of a bf I had years ago who 'begrudgingly' helped me out when I needed it. I should have ended it. I hope she sees this thread. It's doesn't even sound like you like her very much.

That bf was 19 by the way (as was I). Grow up.