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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is using disabled toilets to avoid awkward interactions in gendered toilets U?

137 replies

Crazyoldmaurice · 15/01/2020 20:50

Yanbu - no
Yabu - yes

Just seen something online where someone who is 'non binary' has said they have bought a radar key so they can use disabled toilets to avoid awkward interactions and dont feel safe in using either the ladies or gents toilets. Whats the stance on this?

I personally feel that disabled and accessible toilets are there for those who need them due to accessibility reasons only and shouldn't be used by anyone else. I can equally see how using the gents might not feel safe but feel like the awkwardness of using the ladies should be endured considering how awkward someone needing the disabled toilets might feel if they didnt make it in time due to an orherwise able bodied person using their toilet.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Clymene · 16/01/2020 23:01

Flying - really? Beaten to death? God that's awful. Was that in the U.K.?

ginghamstarfish · 16/01/2020 23:12

I'm physically disabled and would be completely pissed off if I had to queue behind someone like that because of their 'feelz'.

GenderfreeJoe · 16/01/2020 23:32

Actually transgendered people are statistically at a far greater risk of assault

Nope. Not true. You'll be glad to hear that transpeople are actually one of the safest groups.

Retroflex · 17/01/2020 00:11

@Clymene "Retro - then that's a physical disability isn't it? Honestly, you're not this stupid."

NO! And it would appear that you are this stupid I have a neurological disease, causing physical disabilities that you may see if I'm in my wheelchair...

Do you know what neurological actually means? Or are you confusing it with psychological problems?

I just don't understand how you can possibly argue with someone who has a neurological disability, that they don't and its physical... There's nothing physically wrong with my legs thanks...

Clymene · 17/01/2020 05:39

If your neurological disability affects you physically, then it becomes a physical disability. I was thinking more of neurological disabilities which may not impair mobility but might mean an accessible toilet is necessary.

None of this has anything to do with the person who identifies as non binary though.

HandsOffMyRights · 17/01/2020 05:44

Actually transgendered people are statistically at a far greater risk of assault

Do you have some data to support this claim please?

OP, calling yourself non binary AND using the disabled toilet is vu on this selfish and deluded individual's part/s.

icedgem85 · 17/01/2020 06:40

Of course they shouldn’t use disabled toilets. Your poll results will look wrong because your post is confusing. I know you clarify at the top which to use but then you say your view is that they shouldn’t use disabled toilets. Everyone agrees with you!

thejollyroger · 17/01/2020 07:26

Everyone agrees with you!

I don’t. I think a person who feels they can’t use an open public toilet has every right to use the accessible toilets, for whatever reason. It’s a toilet. I am not about to start arguing because someone wants to have a poo.

Wheresthesandman · 17/01/2020 08:13

I think there’s quite a big difference between a non binary person using the disabled toilets, and a transgender person. I can understand why a trans woman (especially one who is aware that they don’t ‘pass’) might not want to use the male or female toilets. They may well be at risk from harm in the male toilets if they are dressed in a very ‘feminine’ way, but be aware of the feelings many women have with regard to them using female toilets. So perhaps the disabled loo seems like a safe option?

Non binary is rather different though. As far as I’m aware, they are not disagreeing with their biological sex, it is gender that is the problem. Therefore they can just use the toilets of whatever sex they are, unless they genuinely feel that makes them at risk of harm. Which is, I imagine, male violence coming in to play again Hmm

I am not disabled though, so I realise that I am far from aware of how it feels to be reliant on accessible facilities being available.

Couragecallsagain · 17/01/2020 08:48

Seriously Sandman?
Hmm

YouJustDoYou · 17/01/2020 09:12

I'm physically disabled and would be completely pissed off if I had to queue behind someone like that because of their 'feelz'

^^THIS.

Wheresthesandman · 17/01/2020 13:27

Yes, seriously?

I can’t elaborate any more than that because I’m not sure which bit you’re objecting to.

PooWillyBumBum · 17/01/2020 13:34

Dubious that this actually happened/was posted but....

I don't know what the answer is. If someone looks male, but has a vagina, I can see other females getting upset at them using the toilet. At the same time I can understand this person feeling unsafe in male toilets. I don't, however, think using the disabled loo is the answer.

MrsBethel · 17/01/2020 14:35

I agree with Wheresthesandman.

I wouldn't expect a trans person to go in before a disabled person, but if no one else is using it, why not?

Retroflex · 17/01/2020 16:23

@MrsBethel because random people who have no disabilities using disabled facilities is the reason so many people who have hidden disabilities are being approached by strangers who are verbally abusing them for using facilities which they are entitled to use... Hmm

Softskin88 · 17/01/2020 16:50

They’re not actually toilets for the exclusive use of disabled people.

They are “accessible” which means anyone can use them, including disabled people.

If you have another reason for wanting to use one (changing a pad, toilet anxiety etc) then you can use one. Radar keys can be purchased.

Softskin88 · 17/01/2020 16:51

By that I don’t mean that someone should just use it if they have no good reason, but the accessibility is wider than simply being in a wheelchair, as some seem to think.

TheWiz · 20/07/2020 17:01

@Crazyoldmaurice

Yanbu - no Yabu - yes

Just seen something online where someone who is 'non binary' has said they have bought a radar key so they can use disabled toilets to avoid awkward interactions and dont feel safe in using either the ladies or gents toilets. Whats the stance on this?

I personally feel that disabled and accessible toilets are there for those who need them due to accessibility reasons only and shouldn't be used by anyone else. I can equally see how using the gents might not feel safe but feel like the awkwardness of using the ladies should be endured considering how awkward someone needing the disabled toilets might feel if they didnt make it in time due to an orherwise able bodied person using their toilet.

Thoughts?

"Non Binary" is ultimatly a political term, so no. Any narcissist insisting on calling themselves "Non Binary" can use the toilet they know they should.

It's past time we stopped pandering to powertripping activists.

KarenKarendson · 20/07/2020 17:09

If they are super special non binary, they can use the toilet for their biological sex, unless they have a disability. Using the disabled toilet because feelings, is selfish shitty behaviour, which falls in line with the selfish shitty attitude behind gender ideology in general.

KarenKarendson · 20/07/2020 17:12

They are “accessible” which means anyone can use them, including disabled people.

They are accessible for disabled people, they're not for just anyone who wants to use them.

EmbarrassedUser · 21/07/2020 13:39

I see no problem with anyone using the disabled loos. I have an invisible condition so technically am entitled to anyway but tbh, I don’t care who uses them. If there’s a huge line for the ladies, why should people wait in it if they just need a quick wee and there’s no-one waiting? People on MN get very precious about this issue.

BarbedBloom · 21/07/2020 13:51

We had this issue at work, they created a non gendered toilet that could be used by anyone, in addition to the disabled facilities. There has been violence before in the area against trans women who have tried using the male toilets and it has also been very distressing for the person having to use the male toilet in the first place.

I don't share the overall opinion of mumsnet on trans people. I have also been the one to go to the hospital with my friend when she was beaten in the male toilets. I do understand the concerns of women who want to protect single sex spaces, but I think the non gendered toilet is probably the most sensible solution to keep everyone happy. The problem however comes when these are not avaliable.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 21/07/2020 13:59

Most cubicles have both a male and female sign on the door and can be used by either. Much more sensible!

Really? What could possibly go wrong? Hmm

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 21/07/2020 14:01

You might be/identify as gay, straight, non-binary, a Goth, an ice hockey fan, vegetarian, Dutch, introverted, a keen gardener, an accountant, a cyclist etc. etc.

Accountants definitely need their own spaces Grin

LolaSmiles · 21/07/2020 14:06

Non binary is not identifying with gender stereotypes associated with the sexes, but instead of doing your own thing as a man/woman there needs to be a special badge to show you're so much more unique than every other man/woman (according to your sex) who must obviously totally conform to said stereotypes.

It's not like every bloke in the men's is some Ken doll image of macho, and in the women's you'll see a sea of pink and makeup. Funnily enough men and women manage to dress and present how they like and have a range of interests without needing to label themselves special.

Being non binary is not a disability.