To think this may be disability discrimination (but not really be able to do anything about it)?

[PinkyU]

I’ve been looking for a dance class for my youngest two DD’s, one is neurotypical (NT - no disability) and one is neurodiverse (ND - has a developmental/cognitive disability/condition).

I contacted a dance school requesting a trial for both lo’s and briefly explained my youngest’s DD is autistic and has developmental delays, that I would stay within the building at all times, was able to help her in the lesson if allowed, was happy with a class for younger children to suit her needs better. Basically would bend over backwards in order to help lo participate in the lesson.

Received a message saying that they would take my older dd but could not accommodate my youngest due to her needs (which I did not specify), that she, the owner, has taught children with “a bit of autism”, but didn’t feel the class was “right” for my lo. She based this solely on me saying that my lo has additional needs, not on what those needs are.

Aibu to think that this is disability discrimination (under reasonable adjustments), but to know there’s very little point in fighting it because they just don’t want my little girl?

If you’re in East Sussex/west Kent I can recommend a brilliantly inclusive ballet school. I hope you find something.

No one realises how bad disability discrimination really is in this country until they witness it first hand through knowing a disabled person personally.

^^ This. And somehow they all get away with it.

YANBU! What an awful attitude from the dance teacher! Find somewhere else to send your girls

Well said ValleyClouds

If the dance teachers advertise that they are members of a particular dance association for exam purposes e.g. IDTA, RAD then I would let the organisation know because they all have requirements for their members to be inclusive.

You said "that I would stay within the building at all times, was able to help her in the lesson if allowed, was happy with a class for younger children to suit her needs better."... I think the way you described her above has led them to believe that she needs a lot of assistance etc and they may have struggled with a child with autism in their class before. Perhaps they feel they arent adequately trained to handle any incidents etc.

I think most classes would want to be inclusive but what do people suggest they do when there is only one teacher?

A reasonable adjustment is for the family to provide a carer. That has worked well for us.

But your daughter may require strategies dealing with her if she is autistic, if the dance teacher is on her own maybe she isnt confident dealing with a child with special needs, if she is giving instructions she may not feel confident in how far she should push said child to do as she is asked without fear of upsetting her

She may also be concerned her the safety of herself and the other children, as she may have had a bad experience of this with another child with autism. Someone I know does a class and a child with autism has attacked her and other children, pulling their hair, putting her hands round their neck etc.

@TabbyMumz I had a bad experience with a teenager who beat me up. I’ll just refuse to deal with any teenagers in the future, shall I?

"TabbyMumzI had a bad experience with a teenager who beat me up. I’ll just refuse to deal with any teenagers in the future, shall I?"
It's just sometimes the unpredictable nature of outbursts that can seem frightening to some. I can see both sides here, the op of course wants a class for her daughter, but the person taking the class has to think of others in the class and whether she can deal with any incidents. I have a family member with a brain injury so I can understand totally people being apprehensive dealing with someone with cognitive issues.

But surely Tabby they should be discussing what can and can't be achieved with the parent/carer rather then getting a vague idea and saying 'sorry no'.

The teenager was bloody unpredictable! she hit me from behind and then literally kicked me while I was down.

If it were ‘no blacks, no women, no Jews’ no one would say the OP was being unreasonable, why is ‘no autistics’ acceptable?

As i have a daughter just been diagnosed with autism i find this deeply depressing

I think assuming an incident will happen is wrong, my daughter has autism she doesnt just have outbursts and the op wanted to help her in the class so the teacher wouldnt need to "deal" with her , i think its shocking just shows lack of awareness and understanding

Chronically early.. I think you'd be perfectly within reason to not want to be near teenagers again to be honest. It would be a natural reaction to be nervous of someone who is likely to attack you.

I'm wondering if a parent cant help in the class though without being dbs'd?

The parent can help as long as they only support their own child. The teacher would be in the studio the whole time so a dbs isn't needed.

I thought in childrens clubs/classes etc all parent helpers legally have to be dbs'd as they will have access to other children?

I guess even though you have said you will be there to help, your dd is probably going to need more one on one attention from the teacher than others in the class, and if she is working alone, she may feel it will impact on the other pupils? You will probably have more success where there are helpers in the classes.

In my experience, quite often dance teachers are just that. They are often ex-dancers themselves so go into teaching. They are in no way qualified in the same manner as an educational teacher and may not have the ability to deal with special needs. They may not even have kids themselves. It is a bit much to ask of someone who is just teaching dance to take on someone who struggles mentally just for equality sake.

Do try musical theatre. We dismissed ballet because of the competition and exams. Our 3 year old doesn’t have additional needs but does find new settings and people unsettling. Even though we were meant to drop off and leave the teacher has been fantastic in allowing one of us to stay (and join in!) to support her. Much more relaxed - do look into it.

Additionally as a parent I would want to know if some of these clubs were so blatantly discriminatory.

Put a message up on a local fb community/mums board asking for recommendations and gently outing those who have been discriminatory. You could also see how other parents have managed locally??

'They are in no way qualified in the same manner as an educational teacher and may not have the ability to deal with special needs.'

In which case they should do some training.

"I think assuming an incident will happen is wrong,"...the problem is, where the safety of children is involved, you have to think like that. You have to risk assess etc, you have to make decisions. It might be that this child never has outbursts and that would become part of any risk assessment, but I think they've had a bad experience in the past and has led them to make this decision. Not saying it's the right decision, luckily I dont have to make that call, but I'm presuming this is why. As I've said I've got a family member with cognitive disabilities and sometimes we dont get to do everything we want to, but I try to think of why they may be right and nit be able to accommodate. You cant always push for someone to be part of things when behaviour may affect others.

This is really awful OP, and I'm naive enough to be shocked.

My children have done various classes over the years and nearly every one has had at least one child with an obvious disability, and probably others where it's isn't immediately apparent.

If you do have the mental fortitude, I would second reporting these teachers to their professional body for disability discrimination.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope that you manage to find a class for both of your children.