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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit peeved by what DH said....

150 replies

Kiwiorange · 14/01/2020 20:35

So this isn’t a first world problem I totally realise this and it’s mainly light hearted although part of me was a bit annoyed...

So DH has been around the block in younger days. Slow with about 50ish women. That was a problem for me at first but not I’m indifferent as I’ve got far bigger things to be worrying about in life.

Noe I’m a bit OTT and even as a kid I couldn’t drink from a can that someone else had drank from (I still can’t now) as I dont like the thought of someone’s saliva being in it.

As a teenager I wouldn’t kiss ransoms for the sake of it as I found it gross. Don’t get me wrong if I really fancied them I would but not just for the sake of it.

So DH normally showers as he thinks baths are full of your own dirt which is fair perhaps. Showers broken so I had a bath and it was taking ages to drain so I said to DH would he mind if I left done of my bath water (I’d just got out) and topped it up with hot.

He made a joking comment but he was serious and I thought you cheeky sod!! You’ve shared bodily fluids with more women than I care to image, yet you’re a bit grossed out by popping in the bath where I have used some of the bath water?!!

I mean, have I gut a valid point to be miffed/hurt?!

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 15/01/2020 01:19

If he hates baths, why was he having one?

However, I think it’s weird that you’ll have sex with someone but be weird about sharing their bath water.

splattt · 15/01/2020 01:23

Who mentioned sharing a can of drink? Christ, that makes me want to hurl. Saliva in the little dip before the drink comes out.

I'd share bodily fluids with my partner any time but a shared can of pop makes me barf.

1forAll74 · 15/01/2020 01:46

Many people had to share the bath water many years ago.. First the Father went in, then the Mother, then a couple of their children together,, and sometimes this was in a tin bath,in front of the coal fire !!

ILearnedItFromABook · 15/01/2020 01:55

I guess I'm weird, but I'd much rather share a casual acquaintance's bath water than have sex with them... Yeah, it's gross if it's a stranger, but your own spouse? It's not that strange to share a bath with your spouse, surely. (Some people must be filthy if their bath water gets that dirty from an average, everyday soak.)

I'm sure your husband didn't mean anything by it, OP, but I get why you might feel hurt and offended. (And I believe your spouse's past sexual history is your business. There's nothing either of you can do to change it, of course, but there's nothing wrong with having an opinion about it.)

Durgasarrow · 15/01/2020 02:47

I would not want to use my husband's old bathwater. The idea makes me sick.

Vanhi · 15/01/2020 06:21

If he hates baths, why was he having one?

Shower's broken, it's in the OP

Original poster
Kiwiorange · 15/01/2020 07:16

Exactly this...

‘However, I think it’s weird that you’ll have sex with someone but be weird about sharing their bath water.’

And this.....

I guess I'm weird, but I'd much rather share a casual acquaintance's bath water than have sex with them... Yeah, it's gross if it's a stranger, but your own spouse? It's not that strange to share a bath with your spouse, surely. (Some people must be filthy if their bath water gets that dirty from an average, everyday soak.)

‘I'm sure your husband didn't mean anything by it, OP, but I get why you might feel hurt and offended. (And I believe your spouse's past sexual history is your business. There's nothing either of you can do to change it, of course, but there's nothing wrong with having an opinion about it.)‘

OP posts:
Original poster
Kiwiorange · 15/01/2020 07:21

Years ago you had to share a bath before showers existed.

When you sleep with a random do you sleep in their bed after until the next morning? Pretty sure there’ll be dead skin cells in their bed etc... Not sheets possible to have a shower straight after.

If you look a bit further in to it and try to understand what I mean then it’s not completely different regarding being happy to have someone’s ‘dead skin on you’ albeit in a different situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kiwiorange · 15/01/2020 07:22

Always*

OP posts:
Palavah · 15/01/2020 07:24

I don't understand why you had to micromanage his bath? Why didn't you just tell him it was taking a while to drain?

Get over his past.

Original poster
Kiwiorange · 15/01/2020 07:24

What about when you get in a jacuzzi or steam room with other people? Is that disgusting too?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 15/01/2020 07:25

Not seeing the link either, honestly I'd get some help as clearly his prior sex life really bothers you,

Original poster
Kiwiorange · 15/01/2020 07:27

Shower broken.

I had bath but not much hot water left I realised.

So rather than have no bath at all after he’d been to gym (usually has a shower) I drained half my ‘dirty’ bath water and suggested filling it up with the hot water so at least it would be warm. Was either that or nothing.

OP posts:
easyandy101 · 15/01/2020 07:36

Some people don't like certain things

He doesn't like baths, you don't like that he fucked a load of people

You're both entitled to your opinion

AllergicToAMop · 15/01/2020 08:09

When you sleep with a random do you sleep in their bed after until the next morning?
God no.

Sure it was lighthearted🙄 And sure he doesn't know his previous sex life bothers you 🙄

SimonJT · 15/01/2020 08:22

OP, would you be bothered if your partner ejaculated on you while sat watching TV? After all, if you let him ejaculate on you when getting down and dirty you shouldn’t mind it at other times either.

The above scenario is inline with your bath annoyance.

Elbeagle · 15/01/2020 08:42

You say it’s lighthearted but it very clearly isn’t.
Why did you marry him if you can’t see past the sexual experiences he had before he even met you?

SomewhereInbetween1 · 15/01/2020 08:52

I'm so confused by your laughter at everyone who is, in your eyes, taking this so seriously, when you've posted about your DH's past in an equally serious tone. He's allowed not to want to use your bath water, it wouldn't bother me, but each to their own.

beautifulstranger101 · 15/01/2020 08:55

So now everyone has told you YABU you say "oh its lighthearted"?
Of course people are taking this seriously because it comes across like you are genuinely upset about his past sex life. If you aren't and this is all a bit of joke then ok....let it go then, you should have no issue letting it go if this is all very lighthearted.
If you cant let it go then you need to have a chat with him about this because you cannot hold his past sex life against him.

Peanutbutteryogurt · 15/01/2020 08:56

These comparisons you're making are completely nonsensical.

Bluntness100 · 15/01/2020 08:59

You say it’s lighthearted but it very clearly isn’t

This.

midnightmisssuki · 15/01/2020 09:00

You are hung up on his past more than you care to admit.

Nojeansplease · 15/01/2020 09:26

The problem is, all your examples are things that have a purpose other than getting clean

  • sharing a bed with a stranger - sex
  • jacuzzi - relaxing/massage/sexual etc
  • steam room - relaxing, skin care etc

All of which I take a shower after and wouldn’t dream of getting in my own clean bed after without a shower

Getting a bath (that he already doesn’t like, when it’s just fresh water) - the purpose is to get clean

EmeraldShamrock · 15/01/2020 09:33

I wouldn't use anyone's bathwater after them. All the dead skin on the base of the bath rank.
I much prefer to share fresh body fluid intimately not the bits the fell off.

EmeraldShamrock · 15/01/2020 09:53

As I’ve said, shared boiler fluids with random strangers many many times, fine with that, yet struggled to share bath water with wife OP this paragraph is very telling along with your updates. Comparison is the theif of joy across the board. I think you are abusive to him or certainly have in the past, using his past as a stick to beat him.
My DP was a randy young man. I've no idea of his number nor him mine.
The past is the past, get therapy to get over it or it will split you up.
Is he a good man otherwise.

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