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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit peeved by what DH said....

150 replies

Kiwiorange · 14/01/2020 20:35

So this isn’t a first world problem I totally realise this and it’s mainly light hearted although part of me was a bit annoyed...

So DH has been around the block in younger days. Slow with about 50ish women. That was a problem for me at first but not I’m indifferent as I’ve got far bigger things to be worrying about in life.

Noe I’m a bit OTT and even as a kid I couldn’t drink from a can that someone else had drank from (I still can’t now) as I dont like the thought of someone’s saliva being in it.

As a teenager I wouldn’t kiss ransoms for the sake of it as I found it gross. Don’t get me wrong if I really fancied them I would but not just for the sake of it.

So DH normally showers as he thinks baths are full of your own dirt which is fair perhaps. Showers broken so I had a bath and it was taking ages to drain so I said to DH would he mind if I left done of my bath water (I’d just got out) and topped it up with hot.

He made a joking comment but he was serious and I thought you cheeky sod!! You’ve shared bodily fluids with more women than I care to image, yet you’re a bit grossed out by popping in the bath where I have used some of the bath water?!!

I mean, have I gut a valid point to be miffed/hurt?!

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/01/2020 21:01

I’ve had loads of knobs in my mouth, it doesn’t mean I would for example share a toothbrush with someone.

This made me laugh so much Grin

Sharing bath water is nothing like sex... it's odd to conflate the issues. I wouldn't want a bath if someone had just topped it up with water either, it's nothing to do with who was in it - it's just odd. And I also prefer showering. If it was taking ages to drain, just leave it to it and let DH run his own bath?

Unless he's never had sex with you, this really isn't anything to do with his sex life or germs. It's just that it's not very hygienic or relaxing to bathe in someone else's bath water when there's no need to.

Original poster
Kiwiorange · 14/01/2020 21:02

I agree I’m OTT absolutely, but the reason I feel they could be related is due to the fact you meet someone in a club for eg, you’ve no idea when they last showered etc, you get naked, grind up and down on each other, presumably hands everywhere, their bodily fluids, sweat and dead skin cells all over you-

I fail to see how someone that’s happy to do that with so many different people can have a problem sharing half a bath with their partner. Had I not showed for 3 weeks but I shower every day.

OP posts:
Nojeansplease · 14/01/2020 21:02

Surely he was with these women years ago, by the way you’ve made it sound.

It’s odd you go straight to that as a first thought.
It sounds like it still is an issue.

Also I wouldn’t want to get in anyone’s dirty bath water personally. Would you have wanted to get in his?

Original poster
Kiwiorange · 14/01/2020 21:03

Meant to add, I’m not saying he’d need to love it and I’m sure he does prefer to shower but as a one off I don’t know why it’s an issue.

Again perhaps I’m the OTT one

OP posts:
Elbeagle · 14/01/2020 21:03

but the reason I feel they could be related is due to the fact you meet someone in a club for eg, you’ve no idea when they last showered etc, you get naked, grind up and down on each other, presumably hands everywhere, their bodily fluids, sweat and dead skin cells all over you

No. Still not related.
How does he feel about having his past (before you were together) being regularly thrown back in his face?

Clevererthanyou · 14/01/2020 21:04

For all the posters who can’t fathom what the op’s husbands sexual history has to do with sharing bath water; I’m not sure if she realises but she’s kind of insinuating that he has low standards and should be happy to wade in her skin juice Grin

Elbeagle · 14/01/2020 21:04

Did he even want a bath?

Walkingdeadfangirl · 14/01/2020 21:04

you meet someone in a club for eg, you’ve no idea when they last showered etc, you get naked, grind up and down on each other, presumably hands everywhere, their bodily fluids, sweat and dead skin cells all over you

Wow, you have a lot more to worry about than your DH bathing in your scummy water.

Oysterbabe · 14/01/2020 21:05

I was quite the hussy in my day but that doesn't mean I want to share bath water.

SummerPavillion · 14/01/2020 21:06

I think you're feeling hurt and have made a slightly odd leap to this thought.

I'd feel hurt too in that bath situation.

motherheroic · 14/01/2020 21:07

Why would he want to sit in a bath full of your sloughed off skin? It's common sense as to why he refused really.

NoddyMcPintsAlot · 14/01/2020 21:08

They are not comparable at all.
We have sex for pleasure, We bathe to get
clean, preferably with clean fresh water. I’m more than happy to get down and dirty and share icky body fluids with my partner but bathe in his dirty bath water ? Eh no thank you.

PositiveVibez · 14/01/2020 21:08

What bizarre reasoning. Yes OP, you are being ott.

BoomBoomsCousin · 14/01/2020 21:08

The point of having sex with someone isn't to get clean. You usually shower afterward. The point of having a bath/shower is to get clean, so there's not so much point sharing someone's bathwater - whether you've had sex with them or not.

Elbeagle · 14/01/2020 21:10

I imagine he showered (in clean water) after having sex with those women.

FizzyIce · 14/01/2020 21:10

What the hell are you talking about ?

BoomBoomsCousin · 14/01/2020 21:10

Meant to add, I’m not saying he’d need to love it and I’m sure he does prefer to shower but as a one off I don’t know why it’s an issue

Surely it's only an issue because he can just wait a little longer and have clean water? If there was a huge water crisis and this was his only opportunity for a bath in a month he might well feel differently about it.

Dontlikeoranges · 14/01/2020 21:12

Fuck me I've slept with loads of people but I still wouldn't want to share bath water with my very dear DP. I don't even get why this is being considered an equal comparison

ParanoidGynodroid · 14/01/2020 21:13

I wouldn’t want to use DHs manky bath water, despite having had a pretty good time in my youth.
I say “despite”, but really it’s more of an “and” because the two are totally unrelated, and my past choices are completely irrelevant to my current preferences. (I did used to bathe in the DCs bath water when they were little though)

You really need to get over your DHs past already.

SemperIdem · 14/01/2020 21:15

You sound like really hard work, to be quite honest.

turkeyontheplate · 14/01/2020 21:16

Is it that you feel he is saying you are dirty? He isn't. If he doesn't like baths because of the sitting-in-your-own-scum thing (my dh is the same) then of course he's going to be even less thrilled at the thought of said scum being someone else's. It doesn't mean he thinks you're unusually scummy Grin

villamariavintrapp · 14/01/2020 21:17

Yeh this is a bit weird, the two issues aren't really connected. Presume you see him as 'dirty' for having sex with others? So he shouldn't really mind washing in dirty water, think this is your issue really. Having sex isn't dirty.

Kwkwjwkek · 14/01/2020 21:19

I wouldn’t share anyone’s bathwater!
Failing to see what the number of women he's slept with has to do with sharing bath water tbh confused

Exactly, they clearly both different

Justmuddlingalong · 14/01/2020 21:19

you meet someone in a club for eg, you’ve no idea when they last showered etc, you get naked, grind up and down on each other, presumably hands everywhere, their bodily fluids, sweat and dead skin cells all over you
Call me old fashioned, but I'd at least wait until we were in the taxi going home. 😉

Useful22 · 14/01/2020 21:20

Haha this thread is very funny. I've had lots of partners too but wouldnt bath in my husband dirty bath, that's gross. I would share a bath if it was romantic though!! You need to let the past go, be happy he played around before he got with you and hot it out his system. Bodily fluids and baths are not the same. You sleep with a random you shower after for a start!!!!!