He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

[clairindespair]

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

Had a wee tear reading this op I can relate to so much of it. I think you are amazing. You are doing so well and how you feel is totally normal I promise you. I can’t believe you are doing this all alone, please take all the advice you can you need to look after yourself.

Baby won’t remember they were a screaming demon but the scars from this will live with you forever. You have had major surgery, you are sleep deprived, you are under huge mental stress and a small screaming lump relies on you 24/7.... it’s hellish. I used to look at my baby at that age and start to see her as an old man, looking at me screaming and hating me

Of course she was beautiful and of course I had pnd but at the time I felt so disgusted with myself

Baby had reflux and took me 5 years to have another! I had a partner and a family and I don’t know how you are doing this op you are bloody brilliant

But you need help. There must be people who help with this?? Tell the GP and ask for a different health visitor xx

I love the name 😂😂 Cry-sis

I really struggled after having my son. And I had the support of my family and husband. I remember being about 4 weeks in (same as you, OP) and thinking “What have I done? I’ve made a terrible mistake.” My son didn’t sleep at all and cried constantly. I was so tired and felt trapped. If I was on my own, I don’t know how I would have coped. I promise you, it does get easier.

You are still only getting to know him. You will eventually know why he is crying and be able to understand his attempts at communicating with you.

I still find it unbelievable when I hear new mums say that they are doing great and that baby has just slotted into their lives. It certainly didn’t feel that way to me, and I really struggled in the first few months to adjust. But I got there. And you will too.

I’m glad that you’ve got a GP appointment this afternoon. If you have PND, it is better to find this out sooner rather than later. And hopefully get to the bottom of your little one’s crying.

You're not horrible. It is such hard work with a crying baby and every parent gets overwhelmed by that sometimes. It'll be even worse for you if you do have PND. You've done the right thing in making sure he is safe and then taking a minute on your own.

OP you sound really unhappy about the change it's made to your life, having a baby. Honestly you're not alone here. It's a huge change. To start with the sleep deprivation and not knowing what the bloody hell is going on are hard, very hard. But you will get so much reward from it too. Dont worry about smiles and cooing as that doesnt happen yet. And dont believe all the happy scenarios you see on facebook.

Try to keep fed and hydrated so you can see the woods for the trees, it will help you stay calm. Baby may have colic aa others have suggested. Glad to hear you will see the gp as they will be able to help, but do try also to see if any of the groups here can help too.

A sling may sound like no freedom but it may do the opposite - calm baby and give you more peace. Even when baby is attached to you. You can do a decent amount with a sling on.

Your baby adores you, you are its whole world. It just doeant understand how life works yet at all and it gets so much better

Found I could breathe again if she just stopped crying, tips for crying....

Loud White noise (YouTube hoover sounds)
Sling
Holding upright
Bouncing/rocking while holding baby close
Infacol
Make sure properly burped
Swaddling - acted like they hated it but after combining it with white noise it deffo helped to settle them

Oh if he stops crying when you hold him then it could well be reflux.

I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if I repeat other posters.

My DD was 6 weeks prem and I hated, absolutely hated, the first few weeks of her life. While everyone else seemed to be happily flying through those days, I struggled so much - and I had my DH for support. He at least could help with the practical side of things, but after a C-section (I had one too), it takes weeks to recover, whether you think it does or not. Add that to about 2 hours sleep a night (if lucky) and it was a horrid time.

But it doesn't last. It truly doesn't. My mum used to say "it will pass", and it did, but I remember closing my eyes while sat on the toilet (!) and thinking "this is the only time that I am getting to myself", those few precious seconds that I wasn't feeding, rocking, changing or whatever.

Your son doesn't hate you, he doesn't know anything. I didn't love DD at first - far from it, she had invaded my organised life and I was all at sea. But from the start I would have stepped in front of a raging bull elephant to protect her, and from your posts I can see that you would do the same. Love will come, but be kind to yourself and it will get better.

Gosh op. I've skimmed through and haven't got much to suggest other than definitely go to citizens advice. My mum works there and I always go to her for advice. They can often give money or vouchers if they are needed and can put you in contact with people that might be able to help you. They can chase up payments for you.
As others have said the early days are really hard. I felt much better once my son was about 6 weeks old and a routine developed. I hated being in all day so would just walk around town for an afternoon or morning. Sometimes if I was lucky he would sleep for a few hours. Trying teach him night and day will help develop a routine. Make everything as light as possible in the day and as dark as possible at night.
Try to keep as positive as you can and hopefully your GP might be able to help with a post natal depression diagnosis and treatment as it definitely sounds like you are suffering. You are definitely not a bad mum, look at how hard you are trying to change things and make things better.

I think a sling might make it easier to get outside for a walk though, as it sounds like your pram is a bit of a faff.

A big milestone for me was about 5 weeks when i could put him down in a bouncy chair and bounce him with my foot. I got the hang of being able to bounce him to sleep and then creep away for a bit of space. He also slept longer in it than in the moses basket so I had time to fall asleep as well. That bouncy chair got me through!

@Blahblahblahnanana mine was prescribed by my DS’s GP and it was only two years ago so wasn’t aware the advice had changed in that time - thank you for correcting

Ffs @TightPussy. Reported. Bloody troglodyte.

Hi op, I've sent you a PM

And OP - you can do this. There’s some really good advice on this thread. It won’t always be this hard.

@TightPussy get a life will you, reported.

Aww OP, it's hard. Aside from all the good advice you've had about why your baby might be crying so much and how to help that, try to gently remind yourself:

• A 4 week old baby is not capable of hating you
• No 4 week old babies are really interactive
• All 4 week old babies are a riddle, because parents don't speak baby
• You're still recovering from the birth, physically, mentally and hormonally
• Babies don't come with a manual - nobody knows what they're doing first time around
• People's smily baby pics on social media are taken during the 5 mins where the baby is not wailing or covered in poo or sick
• It will get better. Try and get outside. The more you do it, the easier it will get. It's good for you and the baby.

I genuinely just think he hates me

I said the same when my eldest was a baby and I’ll say the same as people said to me then. He really doesn’t, besides the fact babies aren’t capable of forming those kind of emotions, you are his world!

I can relate so much to your post and I had a partner and was much older than you. I would have cheerfully handed mine back and never looked back. I remember going to a shopping centre and seeing other mums pushing prams while smiling and laughing and thinking how can they do that, I’m never going to smile or laugh again.

I had PND I’m not saying you do but it’s worth speaking to the HV and your GP. One way or another it will all get better. Big hugs x

I’ve sent you a PM @clairindespair

The sound of the washing machine would soothe my DS, and also when I blow dried my hair.

Please use the benefit calculator on the gov.uk site. Your son is still very youn, he is at the stage where he wont interact, he will only feed and sleep for a little while longer. Do you have a baby sling you could put him in so that you can get out ?

With children all things pass. He won’t be lay there screaming every day when he is 12 years old or even 12 months old. He will sleep through the night at some point.
He will be able to communicate with you to tell you what is upsetting him
Dd had a crying fit in tescos because they had green carpet in the fruit and veg aisle and she felt sorry for the other colour carpets that didn’t get a chance to go on the floor.

They cry for lots of reasons. It is just sometimes those reasons are not something you can explain.

A lot is about just getting from one day to the next and surviving until a routine falls into place.

You do sound like you have PND and the doctors appointment will start the ball rolling.

I know from a friend who was on antidepressants that it isn’t an exact science and it took her some time to get the medication right

Other than that I do recommend you go out each day.
Friends Ds hated going into shops. He was fine until he was pushed into a shop then he would scream blue murder until he left the store.

Just getting grocery shopping was a nightmare. (Before you could have things delivered)

Hi OP, I may well say things that have already been said, but I wanted to reply because your posts have reminded me so much of how I felt after my first. The initial newborn stage is so challenging, those first six weeks push you really hard and it's no wonder you are feeling low.
You aren't evil, you aren't a bad person. You are keeping your son safe, warm and fed.
When I was at my lowest, I tried to focus on achieving one thing a day. Even when I really didn't want to, or the thought made me anxious, I reasoned it was better than continuing to feel as low as I did. For example, the thing you could say you have achieved today is going out, or for seeing you GP. Tomorrow could be just trying to position yourself and baby with the sling, even if you only wear it for ten minutes. The next day could be trying to get some research done on reflux and the symptoms and learning about different things to try.
You might not be interested in the idea and that's absolutely fine, I just found it helpful when I felt awful to remind myself that I'd worked to achieve something that day and to feel encouraged and proud of myself for that. You have already done so many things to be proud of, and I know it's hard, but please try to remember that.

My offer still stands 😊

Im a student in my early twenties ( although studying long distance ) i live a 5 min walk from Oxford Road ( near St Mary's ) and happy to bring you whatever you want or help you out or just sit with you so you can have some time to yourself

Or if you don't want that but just want some formula dropped round then let me know