to not tolerate being cold shouldered

[loopery]

What do you do if you are cold shouldered or given the silent treatment by your DH/partner everytime you have an issue or disagreement? Yesterday was because I wore a T-shirt that was a very thoughtful xmas present from a very old friend. I asked what was up and he denied anything being wrong at all but the sulk is blatant. So if I ask and give an opportunity for him to say what the issue is or how he feels he just dismisses but carries on anyway. I’ve told him it is unacceptable behaviour and abusive but however I approach this I’m accused of “attacking”. I’ve tried ignoring and doing the same back (give as good as I get) and that time the silent treatment lasted for a week. Years ago I used to end up chasing for resolution and being the fixer and doing the “I’m sorry if you feel I....” whatever it is but I’m tired of always having to apologise to smooth the waters when he’s adamant he’s always the victim and I’m the crazy one. Yesterday was obvious though. It’s not my fault that he got the hump about my T-shirt but I was then punished by his distance for the whole day. How do you (if you suffer this) deal with this type of person?

Why was he annoyed about the T-Shirt though, was the old friend actually an ex or something?

Honestly? I have zero tolerance. If someone gives me the silent treatment I'm out of there.
It's emotional abuse.
I'm sorry you are suffering

What was wrong with the T-shirt ?

Are you wearing an ex boyfriend t-shirt.... personally id pack his bags he can get speak about as an adult or he takes his “Adolescent huff” elsewhere!

Why wouldn’t he want you to wear the T-shirt? Is the ‘friend’ an ex? Someone he’s jealous of?

Wtf was wrong with the T shirt?

Honestly OP, I'm not a LTB poster in general but this would be a deal breaker for me. He sounds like an immature, controlling, wanker.

I expect the T shirt either was from an ex, or a male friend or had the slogan “I’m being treated like shit and should just leave”.
Zero tolerance for that shit.

I hope the T shirt said :
My dh is a man child.
My exh was very similar.
Ex
H...

No not a boyfriend at all! It’s a male friend I’ve had since before I got married. I used to work for him for years. I’m VERY good friends with his wife. He’s always been very kind and generous. Always buys me a birthday card (which my DH doesn’t) and this year we’ve been working out at the gym together so he bought me (and others in our gym group) hilarious personalised t shirts. I’m not dropping my good friend for my husband regardless of his behaviour.

Silent treatment was one of the unreasonable behaviours I listed on my divorce petition!

Well surprise surprise, it’s because it’s from a man.

So why not say “I don’t like you wearing the T-shirt” so we could talk about it when I asked him what was wrong. Instead he sulked for the entire day in front of our kids. Why should I tolerate that?

Treat it as though it isn't there. Continue to behave towards him exactly as you would if he were behaving well. Not being at all affected by the sulk is the most powerful way to react to it. It also fwiw gives him an easy way out of the sulk without losing face, since you appear not to notice he's in one. And as you said, never do anything simply to avoid him sulking. I'd wear that T-shirt every day!

It’s just a shit life though and the kids are seeing it. I’m very sensitive so I find it very stressful and upsetting being in an environment where I’m being ignored

You shouldn’t tolerate it. He sounds vile to be frank.

Asking directly "Are you sulking?" Is worth a try.

Assuming it WAS the t-shirt j have 2 comments

1. Being upset by a t-shirt is beyond ridiculous
2. Sulking like that is never ok and is, in my opinion, a reason to leave

(Number 2 applies no matter what).

What’s keeping you there?

I don't usually comment on these threads - but I feel compelled to here. My grandfather used to do this to my grandmother. He completely broke her. It was awful to watch and incredibly abusive.

My parents used to do this. Silences sometimes lasted months, filled with "Ask your mother/father X". It was misery for my sister and me, and IMO tantamount to abuse. So if you have children I don't think you should be doing this.

No way should you tolerate that. Sit him down and tell him to grow the hell up and stop acting like a stroppy teen. Either he learns to communicate or he behaves.

He doesn't wish to say it because he knows it's ludicrous.

Sorry, I wouldn't have the patience to put up with that crap.

About a T-shirt?

Seriously, pack him a bag, tell him to piss off and only come home when he's ready to act like an adult, not a sulky teenager. (I would also be seeing a solicitor in the meantime.)

Honestly, life is too short for this bollocks!

It is a form of emotional abuse and control. He wants you to come running to him, full of apologies for whatever 'crime' you have committed. And I'm betting that this is what you usually do. He knows it works, so he keeps doing it.

Do you really want to stay with someone like this? And have your children growing up, seeing how he treats you, and thinking that this is acceptable?

You have some choices here. Please use them.

I left my ex that pulled this nonsense

Dump him
Don't tolerate it anymore

sorry, posted too soon. Meant to say it is not healthy for children to see this as a model of (lack of) communication. The object of his strip, the t-shirt, is entirely academic. He's treating you badly.