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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to cover builders bum

132 replies

EurghRedface · 12/01/2020 22:20

My husband embarrasses me because he refuses to pull up his trousers to hide his builders bum. Approximately 5-7inches of solid crack multiple times a day.

It's been like this since day on of relationship. I ask and he pretends to or pulls his shirt over instead. He has no shame, he doesn't go red or anything. When we have guests they've had to look away in embarrassment also. My family and his have called him out on it. Our kids too.

He says weight and low balls is why he can't pull up his trousers more. Other times he says he has done it or has he hands full or CBA.

Naked he has no bum. No they probably just slide down.

It's really giving me the Ick.

Aibu to expect him to cover it?

OP posts:
YasssKween · 13/01/2020 09:29

This doesn't sound stupid OP, it sounds really fucking weird. Of him I mean. Think about it, he doesn't care enough about your feelings (or the kids' feelings) to just pull his trousers up... really think about how disrespectful and mean of him that is.

It's not even about the specific issue itself though that would be bad enough it's about the lack of giving a shit what effect his behaviour has on other people.

I didn't realise until just now that he does this in public too?! And still has no sense of embarrassment?!

This would be a dealbreaker for me and I'd be so pissed off that he'd created a situation where I felt like and looked like a nutter for ending the relationship over something so stupid.

Whereas in reality I would actually be ending it because of the fact he didn't give a shit.

Do other people mention it to him too? Does he manage to work without doing it?

HisBetterHalf · 13/01/2020 09:32

Buy him braces or belt yuk

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2020 09:35

If it's that bad in public then it's indecent exposure.

theoriginalmadambee · 13/01/2020 09:36

It's the first time I've heard the low balls excuse, is it the macho version of big belly no butt? How does he even keep his balance?

Seriously you groom to his liking, does standards only apply to you?

ElizabethMountbatten · 13/01/2020 09:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 13/01/2020 09:46

Can't he just go for a high waisted design of trousers plus a belt?

Nifflernancy · 13/01/2020 09:55

Do you have sex?

QueenOfOversharing · 13/01/2020 09:55

Your post has hit MumsnetMadness on Twitter. Prepare for an influx... Grin

Original poster
EurghRedface · 13/01/2020 10:05

He works from home for himself so it isn't an issue in the workplace.

He says no where does clothes big enough. He has rugby player thighs and a big belly, he says that he can't find trousers etc big enough to fit over it that don't hang off him below the belly.

OP posts:
Original poster
EurghRedface · 13/01/2020 10:05

We rarely have sex because of this. I've told him. He just says I'm silly.

OP posts:
YasssKween · 13/01/2020 10:10

Just repeating what I said before OP, but - doesn't this make you feel like your romantic relationship is over?

He doesn't care enough about your feelings (or the kids' feelings) to just pull his trousers up... really think about how disrespectful and mean of him that is.

Have you told him in a non jokey, sit down way that it's gotten ridiculous and you know it sounds as a one off like a niggle not a big deal, but in fact he's doing something every day that you find disrespectful, embarrassing and a huge turn off?

If you tell him all that and he still can't be arsed not to bare his arse the only tongue twister he'll be getting for a while, boak then surely it's a dealbreaker for you?

Original poster
EurghRedface · 13/01/2020 10:17

It is becoming a deal-breaker yes. The reason it hasn't yet is that we are otherwise well matched. In every other way he takes care of me, he is a good team player, he supports me, he believes in me. He is a good dad. I'm hard work and come with baggage. He accepts that. That's why it feels fucking stupid to say "it's a deal-breaker"

OP posts:
toodivineforthehumanmind · 13/01/2020 10:26

It really isn't a silly reason to divorce someone, it's infuriating me just reading this thread, I feel for you. GrossEnvy

GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/01/2020 10:28

You wouldn't be divorcing him for having his arse out. You'd be divorcing him for his selfishness and complete lack of respect and consideration.

YasssKween · 13/01/2020 10:40

You wouldn't be divorcing him for having his arse out. You'd be divorcing him for his selfishness and complete lack of respect and consideration.

Exactly this. He'd be effectively divorcing you rather than pull his fucking trousers up. Because if he did that he'd make you feel valued and respected. He's actively making you consider divorce rather than put his arse away, it's unreal.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/01/2020 10:45

Surely if it was a dealbreaker you wouldn't have had a relationship with him in the first place. You fancied him enough to start a relationship builders bum and all, you loved him enough to marry him and have kids with him builders bum and all. Why do you now expect him to change.

73Sunglasslover · 13/01/2020 11:25

God this is great to find others struggling with the same issue. I think your OH is taking it to extremes with 7 inches showing and basically I don't think his trousers fit.

My OH is always showing an inch or two and I hate it and have expressed how inappropriate I think it is multiple times. He's very slim, BMI around 20. But despite that he has quite a pokey out belly - very sensitive to some foods which bloat him. That, together with the fact that men's trousers are all designed to be far too long slung (IMHO) causes the problem. We have tried everything we can think of - smaller trousers, belt, trousers with elasticated adjusters in. All to no avail. It does not help them he's tall so tops tend to not go down much past the waistband. I hate it though and if anyone has a solution, please share! He'd look daft in dungarees and I don't think braces would make any difference. The trousers do not have enough space between the groin seam and the top.

nocluewhattodoo · 13/01/2020 11:44

An elasticated woven belt is the answer

Original poster
EurghRedface · 13/01/2020 11:48

@sweeneytoddsrazor I expected him to change from the beginning on this matter. I didn't think he would want to keep this around into our marriage. Much like he hated me smoking and later vaping - only I gave it u for him.

OP posts:
CameronG · 13/01/2020 12:22

In what way are you “hard work”? Are those your words or his?

Boredisboring · 13/01/2020 12:29

You could get him to commit to going over rather than under.

To expect DH to cover builders bum
footchewer · 13/01/2020 14:41

Oh! You mean his 'own' builder's bum. I thought you meant another builder's bum, one belonging to an actual builder of your acquaintance. I wasn't sure what you were proposing he should do about it! (Duct tape maybe?)

Even so I've no suggestions sorry; I don't know what causes it. No-one in our family suffers from it.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/01/2020 14:45

Throw pens and pencils in the crack?

Or hot hot ship covered in curry sauce

Thetellyisjelly · 13/01/2020 14:49

Threads like this make me so glad. SO VERY glad to be single. I don’t want to be responsible for anybody’s balls or arse crack, I just have enough to think about.

managedmis · 13/01/2020 14:52

How can he work from home if he's builder?

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