To not want the faff of changing my surname if we get married this year...

[SweetMarmalade]

Dp & I have been together for almost 25 years, have a dc.

Possibly going to tie the knot this year, no big event, we’ve decided we really should just go ahead and do it. Won’t change who we are, our relationship but it will make us both feel secure for the future.

My biggest issue is changing my name! I’m late 40’s, at this time in my life the thought of changing my name seems like a big pita! Bank, passport, GP, hospital, driving license etc etc

Dp would like me to change my name, I’d like to keep it! We’ve talked about if I possibly‘double-barrel’ it but it’s still a faff! I love my surname, it means a lot to me and my heritage.

I love him, want to marry him, aibu not wanting to change my name?

I kept my name. MrS ToAMop instead of his Mrs ToABroomToo.

I went double-barrelled and it was definitely a faff which ended up with the financial ombudsman as my bank at the time fucked up my credit file.

YANBU.

I changed mine and sort of wish I hadn’t. My name now isn’t ‘mine’ if that makes sense. On the plus side I have the same surname as my children.

Me too fenella. I'm Mrs maiden name. Mil is the only one who has a problem with it...

I’m married. I’m Ms Birthname. I was Ms Birthname before I got married. You can use any title you wish!

You can be Ms Maiden Name or Mrs Maiden Name or Miss Maiden Name or anything else you choose. I really don't see why you should change your name, especially as he had said he would never change his.

Does your child have your surname?

I just call myself by my name. I use Ms mostly , but it still says Miss on my bank card . I sometimes ( very occasionally)use Mrs but it is always Mrs mysurname, not Mrs DHsurname but., I rarely use Mrs anyway.

I haven't changed mine and am so glad. I really like my surname and DHs isn't that nice.

Besides, it makes me feel like "me".

Thankfully he didn't give a shiny shit!

Your title is up to you. Mrs. or Ms or even Mx. (Mrs is the only one that has a full stop after it)
Just be aware that Mrs. Is short for mistress!!

Titles are whatever you want, and you don’t need to change officially anywhere to me a Ms, Miss, Mrs or whatever you want. You could be Ms every third Tuesday and Mx on a leap year if you fancied and there’s no one to stop you, and nothing to fill in to make it official.

So yes, you can be Mrs Maiden-name absolutely.

I didn't change my name. I sometimes use Ms - but also use Mrs, Miss or Dr! It doesn't really matter as it's not an official part of your name. Don't change it if you don't want to- you'll only end up resenting it.

Don't change your name for god sake. You don't want to, that's enough reason, but the fact that you've been together so long would make it totally ridiculous if you did!
You don't 'become' mrs. You can choose to use mrs if you like - you can choose it now if you want, it's not a legal title. I assume you're still using miss??! Most women in your position would just stick with Ms Yourname.

After DH and I got married I changed to Ms. Just because Mrs sounded so old and I didn't like it.. I didn't take his name either, her was as horrified as me at the thought

Dc has Dp surname.

Ms?
Call yourself whatever you're comfortable with.
Getting married after a long relationship and a DC is fine, but hardly traditional: so do whatever pleases you.

My MIL's objection to me not changing my name was a curious one:" What will the postman think?"
Oddly enough, not something I give a flying fuck about.

No need to change! I didn't.

Ask him why it's so important. If it's that you have the same name, he could always change to yours. If it's 'it's traditional' well, if you were that bothered about tradition you'd have got married long ago, so you can't be!

This

Why did you give dc dp's surname?

Fwiw, my children have DHs surname. Im the only one who's name is different.

So far the world hasn't collapsed! My kids think it's normal for Mums to have different surnames.

Of course there would be unmarried parents in the school anyway, so it's likely pretty common.

Dc has Dp surname.

They'll still know you as Mum!!

I've got my own name.

When asked Miss or Mrs I usually answer ' I don't mind, surprise me!'
Almost nowhere is my marital status relevant

It makes me so sad when you realise that we aren’t really equal in most people’s eyes.

Just subordinate chattels to be passed between men.

Not even worthy of our own identity.

Every Mrs Hisnane is just a hop away from being Offred.

Yes I use Miss currently, don’t know why but I often cringe when it pings up on the HUGE notice board in the GP waiting room, Miss Marmalade to see Dr Whoever! This late 40’s ‘spinster’s’ marital status up there in red lights for all to see!

I hate that!

I didn’t change mine. It wasn’t a popular decision!

It started with a feeling that I didn’t mind either way but I couldn’t really be bothered to change it. Then I started feeling pressured to agree to do it (by DH but also by family and friends). The more I felt pushed into doing it the more I was adamant that I didn’t want to. So I didn’t. I’m glad!

I just used Ms. And then my own surname. Fact is that after 25 years and 40 years alive the concept of changing your name is rightly feeling ridiculous.

I’m assuming from you OP that you were not a virgin when you married? And that you aren’t observing any of the other old school traditions so why do the name change? I do smirk a bit at how some partners (including my own) seek to pick and choose the traditions that are followed. If I’d suggested no sex before marriage with my DP he would never have asked me on a second date, but the name change - that’s a tradition that’s really important....

Until he realised the cost of the passport change, and the rest. Stand firm OP :-)