To despise guests staying longer than a night?

[ConfusedPupMama]

Ugh I just hate the intrusion into my space and having someone constantly there wittering.
My MIL has been here since Thursday now and I really just want her to go! She does go tomorrow but it’s not soon enough for me. I want space before starting the working week again!
I would feel this way if my own mother imposed herself for this long too 😫. I’m really struggling today not to tell her to FO!
We went out for lunch and I told my child off for lashing out at me when I passed her sister a colouring pencil when she had wanted to pass it. MIL then proceeds to tell me that I shouldn’t have leant over my young child to get the pencil and that I needed to teach them it was rude. This is a woman who burps out loud so a lesson in manners from her is really not welcome.
I then got a ticking off for walking off ahead of them to get home. It was freezing cold and she faffs and walks ridiculously slow. So I walked off ahead with my older child leaving DH, MIL and youngest child to walk back together. Apparently I shouldn’t have done that because poor DH obviously cannot be expected to see a 4 year old home without my input. I just wanted 5 minutes breathing space grrrr.

Anyway I had better brace myself to go back into the room they are all in. I’ve had lots of comments and digs from DH about how much time Ive had to myself. No I’m just hiding in the bedroom to get away from your bloody mother!!

I do get it when family visits we all like to do things our way and disagreements happen and we get frustrated with each other. However I think it,s when you have no family/friends to visit or have visit that's when you really have probs. Sometimes you have to take the rough with the smooth. Not unreasonable to want your own soace though.

Been nc with mil for 5 years last week!!
Glorious!!

Visits from family can be stressful especially with children in the mix. And that's without the unsolicited advice

It's a very strong word 'despise' and indicates a real nastiness in your character OP.
Suggest you try and develop a more mature, kind and tolerant attitude towards people you don't particularly care for.
One day, you'll very likely be a mother-in-law and your 'despising', unkind and intolerant attitude now will be your children's negative attitude in the future.
We do reap what we sow...

Why the hell do you let people stay then?

Completely bonkers!

Completely agree with you OP.

Stuff of my nightmares op. I'm an introvert that needs space and time to recharge.

Ugh I cannot stand visitors in my house For more than one night and I don’t care if that makes me a bad person!

A totally feeling your pain and I’d be having a long bath with a magazine and a glass of wine and telling DH he can entertain his own mother!

Then say something!

“ThankS for your input MIL, however I’ve got this and don’t need anyone chiming in’

Oh and I’d be soooo tempted to say “oooh, beg pardon” if she was belching like that in public, that’s absolutely grim!

What’s the worst that could happen? She doesn’t come and stay? Win/win...

Blue girl if I had my way I wouldn’t but since DH owns half the house and lives here too I can’t really refuse. My pleas for 3 nights max have been repeatedly ignored.

I feel your pain OP
I am a mother of adults, and a mil (no grandchildren)
I used to have a very difficult mil and so vowed never to be like that.

I see my home as my safe/happy place, and struggle to have anyone not actually in full time residence here for more than a couple of hours at a time.

First, your dh can tell her next time, she needs to go at Sunday midday. You need the afternoon to do washing/get ready for work. I would hate for someone to still be hanging round on the Monday. My parents used to do this and tell me they’d just slam the door on the way out. They didn’t get it at all.

I don’t think the OP is demonstrating a nastiness in her character! She’s frustrated and venting on here. Mil interfering and bollocking her for her manners when her own sound foul is a bit much!

It seems like your DH is trampling all over your boundaries.

I agree with PP who said to let him entertain his own mother.

I have to say too that I thought it was just me that was a misery about people coming to stay! I had my family member and their family stay for a night! Sheesh talk about other people’s kids and all that, but it was extremely hard going! Even my own Dc was stressed out a bit by them! Not sure I’ll invite them back again but if i do there will be extremely clearly communicated rules about expectations on behaviour and respect of our home. What’s mental is I know that my family member wasn’t raised in a household where that kind of behaviour was allowed, so why allow that kind of crap in someone else’s home?

I think this is all made ten times worse by the fact DH is a horrific snorer. He usually sleeps in the spare room ( or I decamp there) when it’s particularly bad. But obviously it’s not an option right now. So I’ve been woken up every night and had no way of seeking respite which has put me in a pretty down in the dumps mood.

Yeah I’m with you OP, I find visitors really hard. Particularly as we have a cramped house. My own parents are ok because they’re very laidback and undemanding, they’ll often just spend a couple of hours in their own room, and they always muck in with housework (emptying dishwasher, hoovering, etc). They also rarely come for more than two nights.

My PiLs on the other hand always come for a minimum of four nights. They spread themselves out around on the house. They insist on being entertained and taken on trips, and they have very high expectations of the catering. They don’t lift a finger to help around the house. They hate our dog. They expect the baby to behave perfectly at all times for them. And my MIL is super critical about the state of the house.

I count down the hours until the end of their visits...

I hear ya Monkeynuts! MIL leaves her stuff strewn everywhere which drives me mad. She also has a habit of following me from room to room.

In which case OP, your H absolutely manages 1 night stays only, you have to sleep!!

Fair enough. I guess the house IS half your DP's, but IMO, unless BOTH people in the couple are happy with something, then it shouldn't happen.

YANBU by the way. I wouldn't like it.

You can decamp to a posh hotel after the first night op...

Your mil sounds particularly annoying but I do dislike people staying on a Sunday night as I like to chill out and prepare for the week ahead

Mil interfering and bollocking her for her manners when her own sound foul is a bit much! Especially when she does it in front of your children - that's appalling.

I was going to suggest booking into an AirB&B or travelodge for the final night if partner won't say "no" to the extended stays; Whynosnowyet has gone one better.

I feel your pain - I really dislike anyone staying more than one night but particularly over a weekend when we are working either side of it! It’s just not comfortable trying to do all the life admin of doing the supermarket shop and washing/drying everyone’s pants with guests there too (time wise and frankly our house isn’t big enough to do this without everyone seeing it all too!)
It sounds like your frustration would be with anyone but is exaggerated by the additional challenges your mil brings.
After ten years of getting more frustrated when my mil came Thursday - Monday I spoke to my dh and explained why I needed some personal space although this was at a time I was pregnant and dh was extra considerate to my many demands . He then agreed to support me on it and so I hope it continues! I’d suggest if you haven’t already talked it through with your dh that you do it after she leaves this visit. Just explain that you really need some personal space and that whilst you love having visitors you need a bit more balance because it stops you getting enough sleep - and perhaps longer visits could be accommodated by using a local b&b or hotel because the current set up is making you struggle and ultimately spoiling time with guests and making you already not look forward to the next visitors creating a vicious cycle.

I know that feeling op. I can deal with family visiting for a couple of days but then it starts getting a bit... tetchy. Especially with the PiL, I can only describe it as swimming with jellyfish. It's all going well until we get a stinging barb about how my husband isn't quite high-flying in his career (in their opinion), or how that's my fault for not being a perfect 1950s housewife that does everything short of wiping his arse for him - it seems expecting him to do some chores in is own house, or parent his children, is stunting him as a man . Luckily husband doesn't like spending too much time with his parents (or anyone bar me and the children) either.