To despise guests staying longer than a night?

[ConfusedPupMama]

Ugh I just hate the intrusion into my space and having someone constantly there wittering.
My MIL has been here since Thursday now and I really just want her to go! She does go tomorrow but it’s not soon enough for me. I want space before starting the working week again!
I would feel this way if my own mother imposed herself for this long too 😫. I’m really struggling today not to tell her to FO!
We went out for lunch and I told my child off for lashing out at me when I passed her sister a colouring pencil when she had wanted to pass it. MIL then proceeds to tell me that I shouldn’t have leant over my young child to get the pencil and that I needed to teach them it was rude. This is a woman who burps out loud so a lesson in manners from her is really not welcome.
I then got a ticking off for walking off ahead of them to get home. It was freezing cold and she faffs and walks ridiculously slow. So I walked off ahead with my older child leaving DH, MIL and youngest child to walk back together. Apparently I shouldn’t have done that because poor DH obviously cannot be expected to see a 4 year old home without my input. I just wanted 5 minutes breathing space grrrr.

Anyway I had better brace myself to go back into the room they are all in. I’ve had lots of comments and digs from DH about how much time Ive had to myself. No I’m just hiding in the bedroom to get away from your bloody mother!!

You have my sympathy OP. My MIL visits for 2-3 nights every month and that’s really my limit. I think how guests behave impacts how you feel about them staying over.

I’d go potty if MIL stayed any longer. She’s not helpful and expects to be waited on with tea and snacks! She also wants to be entertained and complains a lot about everyone and everything (she’s particularly critical of her neighbours and goes on about people I’ve never met, which is a bit pointless). And it’s impossible to sit and read or watch tv whilst she’s here, as she will natter continuously.

On the other hand, one of my very good friends came to stay for a few nights with her 2 DC and we all had a great time. It was actually a lot easier having my friend around. DH was away with work and friend was great company and we mucked in together with the DC. She’s welcome back whenever she likes haha

I do wonder sometimes if all you women - when you get older. Will be happy that your daughter in law can’t stand to have you in the house.
Because in rl. Most people I know are normal and happy to have family to stay! I mean obviously not for crazy amounts of time.

Yep l totally feel your pain. My ex in-laws used to stay at ours all the time. They once tried to stay 3 for 3 weeks despite not discussing it with us, luckily a big work trip of the ex’s put a stop to it but not before they tried to suggest he cancelled a trip that hd bene planned for over 1 year. They didn’t seem to realise we were both busy and worked full-time, they would genuinely wonder why we would not be at home every day and be entertaining them. They would rudely demand dinner at 5pm, not do anything to help and want to be driven halfway around the south of England. You OH needs to step up –it sounds like he is far keener to have them there and they are his parents. Your MIL manners sound gross by the way with burping and interfering in the parenting of your children. Loving some of the smug comments you have got on here by the way, your MIL hardly sounds pleasant

I feel your pain op. I like my own routines too much to have them disrupted. Plus we also like to inhabit a bedroom each and we can't do that with guests. You need to operate more as a couple though op and make decisions that suit you both and not just one person.

Yes I obviously have a DH problem too, probably hence why I’ve little tolerance for sucking up his mothers protracted visits.

If and when I am a MIL I hope to have the good grace to realise that if I must stay over then the visits should be short, that I should keep my shit in my room and not spread out over the house like I actually live there, maybe pitch in with occupying the grandchildren and not follow my SIL/DIL around from room to room commenting on all that they do.

I understand entirely that you strongly dislike house guests staying longer than a certain amount of time, as the old saying has it, 'guests, like fish stink after three days'.
Yours sound more than averagely difficult.
But to say you despise them sounds as if you virtually hate them anyway, however short the visit. It's a very strong word, stronger than hate In fact, meaning you feel repugnance and contempt for that person. Which seems somewhat U.

Yes, I’ll be using my own MIL experience as a “how not to” guide when I stay with my DC in future. Mainly, be helpful, be kind, go home after 2 nights max, entertain myself!!

I didn’t say I despise the guest, I said I despise it when they stay for multiple nights!

Tell dh how it needs to be next time, leave before lunch on Sunday, he cleans and cooks, he entertains his mother too, if you need some downtime on your weekend you'll take it with no comments made etc

We don't have anyone stay ever!
Family all live close by so no need, but even if they didn't I wouldn't. Visitors can come if planned in advance and for no longer than 2 hours 😉

I don't understand why you would invite someone for longer than you want them there for

Well if you have a DH problem...
Maybe you should deal with that.
Because people in general are annoying as fuck unless you love them. Or you really love the person who loves them.

It’s all ok everyone piling on here going on about how much they can’t stand people being in their space. But life isn’t that simple and we all have to try and care about the people our loved ones care about.

It’s such a modern phenomenon. Hating all pil. My father grew up with his grandparents living in their tiny flat. He had an amazing relationship with them. They were his second parents.

Gosh you've had some ridiculous posts here tonight OP! Some people are so quick to jump on you they don't take in all the facts first and end up making a bit of a tit of themselves!
I'm with you all the way OP, your houseguest sounds quite unbearable. Luckily you won't be anything like this when/if you become a MIL yourself as it sounds like you are quite socially aware and have basic manners. It won't be long until your home is your own again and just think how nice it will be to get to bed and have a good night's sleep after several dreadful nights. Enjoy!

Problem is. No one thinks they’re a problem as a house guest!
So you thinking you’ll be the perfect MIL. Is simply crazy.
If you have a normal DIL and you’re a normal MIL - you’ll just find a nice middle ground.

If you have a DH problem - then you’re automatically going to have a MIL problem

His mother, not yours. Get yourself a bubble bath and an early night with Netflix in bed.

forget visiting issues which you unreasonable anyway for putting up with it,if you dont want her there why is she?no one should have to put up with anything in their own home,partners parents or not

your biggest issue here is allowing people and especial her to tell you off like a child(and i dont even speak to children that way as we follow a different parental route)

no adult should be allowed to belittle another or think they are in charge enough to be able to tell you off

you should have responding with "who do you think your talking to,you dont tell other adults off thank you very much,this dont happen again , i will not be made to feel small by you" then walk away

and with over parenting you its " oh these are my kids thanks, you dont get a say

and yes i have used these responses and many more
any yes im a bit of a cow

tbh people know not to mess with me as i wont tolerate it

this is why i dont understand posts where mother in laws take over their household and parenting the kids and think they are in charge.put them in their place the first time they do it

you show people not to mess with you they wont do it again

I’ve managed to get the visits down from 5 nights to 4. DH told her 3 but she booked 4 anyway

That’s so rude!

around as I said in my PP, it is difficult being a house guest and I accept that as a mother of an only DS I sincerely hope that my offer to stay in a local hotel would be considered acceptable. I would have no wish to impose myself on my DS & his family in the future.

My own DPs have always been very considerate about staying with us, they are very aware of their role as ‘ILs’ to my DH and would never outstay their welcome.

OP, your husband sounds like a rude dose.

Your MIL sounds like one too!

4 nights is too much for you, especially a Sunday night.

Stay up in your room.
It doesn't sound like you are appreciated.

If your MIL needs to comment on everything... Well this is the consequence.

💐💐

How does that phrase go - guests, like fish, go off after 3 days. Three days is the maximum stay and if she books for 4 your DH gets back in touch with her to say "Mum, that doesn't suit. You'll have to rebook your return train/bus/plane ticket to leave a day earlier", if she protests, he has to say "No, mum, that doesn't work for us. We need to do chores/get ourselves ready for the working week ahead and if you stay longer, we can't do that".

His snoring is not his problem? It will be when it develops into sleep apnoea and loud snorers are more prone to apnoea than those who don't snore or are gentle snorers.

He doesn't sound like he takes responsibility for his snoring or his mother and doesn't sound like he's got your back on either of these things. Both could be eventual deal breakers if he continues to shove his head in the sand!

I'm going to say that you don't have a MiL problem (in the strictest sense of that phrase) you have a DH problem.

Me too. My pil always come Friday to Sunday which is fine but they always spoil it by staying ridiculously late on the Sunday. I just hate not having a single second to myself allow weekend.
We have tried asking them to leave earlier but they find excuses to stay or just ignore us.
I have also tried saying we have plans on the Sunday but they just wait for us.
Its a shame because it makes me dread their visits which are not that bad.
By Sunday morning I've had enough of the constant chatter and endless hot drinks and planning the next meal and it's made worse knowing they won't leave anytime soon.

Ledkr that’s exactly it. I don’t feel like I get any time to myself, or I feel guilty for the time I do take!
The first night is fine- we have wine, chat etc. The 2nd night is a bit more of a chore but doable. But then it’s all day and evening for 2 whole days. We can’t do anything all weekend either as we can’t all fit in our car, so we are stuck at home or the few places in walking distance. It starts to get tense and then when she is still there when we get home on Monday nights I really dread walking in my own front door.

3 nights would be so much better for all of us. She cannot fail to notice the tension between us all so how is she enjoying being here??

I’m not even going to get started on the constant mention of us getting a granny flat in our next house 🙀😫

and to everyone else. She’s not just a visitor. She’s the fucking mother of her husband,
How is that the same as a visitor.

Of course she's a visitor. She doesn't live in the house. That's the very definition of a visitor! 😕

Adore my MIL but I really hate having her over. I just dislike any company that isn't my partner or children for more than a day I especially loathe hosting because I'm a perfectionist. 🙈