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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To despise guests staying longer than a night?

127 replies

ConfusedPupMama · 12/01/2020 16:43

Ugh I just hate the intrusion into my space and having someone constantly there wittering.
My MIL has been here since Thursday now and I really just want her to go! She does go tomorrow but it’s not soon enough for me. I want space before starting the working week again!
I would feel this way if my own mother imposed herself for this long too 😫. I’m really struggling today not to tell her to FO!
We went out for lunch and I told my child off for lashing out at me when I passed her sister a colouring pencil when she had wanted to pass it. MIL then proceeds to tell me that I shouldn’t have leant over my young child to get the pencil and that I needed to teach them it was rude. This is a woman who burps out loud so a lesson in manners from her is really not welcome.
I then got a ticking off for walking off ahead of them to get home. It was freezing cold and she faffs and walks ridiculously slow. So I walked off ahead with my older child leaving DH, MIL and youngest child to walk back together. Apparently I shouldn’t have done that because poor DH obviously cannot be expected to see a 4 year old home without my input. I just wanted 5 minutes breathing space grrrr.

Anyway I had better brace myself to go back into the room they are all in. I’ve had lots of comments and digs from DH about how much time Ive had to myself. No I’m just hiding in the bedroom to get away from your bloody mother!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedPupMama · 13/01/2020 15:57

I have recorded my DH snoring - first he tried to say he couldn't hear anything , then he tried to say I was farting and recording it?!

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/01/2020 16:07

We can’t do anything all weekend either as we can’t all fit in our car, so we are stuck at home or the few places in walking distance.

Could you not send DH, MIL and DC off for an afternoon or day trip while you get to stay home with some blessed peace and quiet?

IntermittentParps · 13/01/2020 16:10

Like, ignore the guilt about staying over on Christmas night. 10 minutes away?!? She can get to fuck.

And why is it you who has to hear about her bowel issues and make her breakfast and endless cups of tea? Where is your DH in this scenario?

PerceptionIsReality · 13/01/2020 16:29

Lol. My MIL is coming to stay for 3 months over the summer Gin

WhatchaMaCalllit · 13/01/2020 17:27

@PerceptionIsReality - goodness, why?

Original poster
ConfusedPupMama · 13/01/2020 19:01

God I would rather separate than tolerate 3 months!!!
Bloody MIL is gone but is plaguing me with messages. Bugger off woman! 😫 DH is not really speaking to me and there will no doubt be a row about it soon.

OP posts:
WhatchaMaCalllit · 14/01/2020 15:28

If your DH starts down the path of an argument with you @ConfusedPupMama, perhaps you could approach it with this mindset: You're more willing to have her visit more frequently (as in perhaps once a month or once every 2 months) if the visits are no longer than 3 days. As it stands, she is not taking your feelings into consideration and neither is your DH. You need time to prepare for the working week ahead and neither of them are affording that to you.

messolini9 · 14/01/2020 15:49

They hate our dog.

@Monkeynuts18, that must be horribly hard to bear.
How close are you to reaching the point where you inform MiL that as she disapproves of "the state of your house" & hates your dog, surely it is better for her to book into a nearby hotel?

I'm not sure I could allow anyone who didn't like my dog to share roofspace with him ... (but I don't have to negotiate that with a spouse, hurrah! whereas you are clearly suppressing a noble instinct to kick MiL soundly up the arse)

Monkeynuts18 · 14/01/2020 19:10

@messolini9

You know - it really is difficult. I’m not someone who thinks that everybody ought to like my dog - I completely understand that some people don’t care for dogs. But this is his home, not theirs! And he is a gentle friendly soul.

He sleeps under the dining table while we’re eating. He doesn’t bother anyone - he doesn’t beg or whine or jump up or anything like that - he just likes to snooze under the table near everyone’s feet. He got shouted at during their last visit because he shifted position and brushed against my MIL’s leg. I told them not to shout at him again which didn’t go down well!

Original poster
ConfusedPupMama · 14/01/2020 20:32

WhatchaMaCalllit - every month! 🙀I think I’d rather take my chances with longer visits but less often 😂

DH is currently not speaking to me after calling me classless, ignorant and rude. Once he gets over his paddy there will be a very serious conversation had. He clearly has no idea how stressful I find her visits, nor cares. I’ve tolerated her for years but am finding it increasingly difficult.

I feel uncomfortable in my own home when she is here for so long. She invites herself and never waits to be asked. DH thinks that because she’s not an overtly horrible person that I am being an utter bitch. But the constant being in my space, commenting on what I’m doing, interfering and making suggestions drives me absolutely mad! She also has a complete lack of respect for boundaries since she was asked to stay for 3 nights and booked herself for 4. DH takes no onus on himself to occupy her. Until recently it was expected that I would sort out food for her and spend my Saturdays trudging round the town centre after her. I’ve stopped it all, and rather than DH take it on we now just exist on takeaways while she is here, and she is never out of the house!

I’m going to tell DH that from now on she stays no longer than 3 nights and that he needs to take her out so she isn’t constantly under my feet.

OP posts:
FraglesRock · 14/01/2020 20:42

I think he needs to remember it's his mum and unless YOU invite someone then he hosts

WhatchaMaCalllit · 15/01/2020 09:47

You had me on your side @ConfusedPupMama until you used the phrase "Once he gets over his paddy...." .

You could have said "Once he gets over his adult tantrum" but you didn't.

I'm out.

messolini9 · 15/01/2020 11:13

Wotcher Monkey. Shouting at dogs just because YOU, the human, are pissed off, is just beyond the pale, how frustrating for you to have to deal with this in your own gaff about your beloved & well mannered dog. Funny how the specimen of human who does this also cannot handle having their cruelty & illogic pointed out to them ... not.

@ConfusedPupMama - I hope it's ok that while simultaneously feeling your pain, I burst into guffaws at this: I have recorded my DH snoring - first he tried to say he couldn't hear anything , then he tried to say I was farting and recording it?
Honestly, it's up there with the DH from the "annoying things he does" thread who went to the dentist for a scale & polish, had a small gum bleed from it & came home with a limp.

Sometimes I think that man have been trained to 'act out' from such an early age, life is such a performance for them with all their competitive, territorial nonsense, that they have become convinced that women are actually buying their bullshit ...

messolini9 · 15/01/2020 11:18

DH is currently not speaking to me after calling me classless, ignorant and rude.

Hold on ... this, from the charmer who invites his mother into your home without consulting or negotiating with you, & who then expects YOU to do all the Guestwork around that? Who doesn't even entertain her while she's here, but expects you to?

How about HIM, for arrogant, ignorant & rude?
I'd take "classless" from him. Let him know you recognise the term as acknowledging your peerlessness.

messolini9 · 15/01/2020 11:20

You had me on your side @ConfusedPupMama until you used the phrase "Once he gets over his paddy...." .

You could have said "Once he gets over his adult tantrum" but you didn't.
I'm out.

I may be missing some tongue in cheek here @WhatchaMaCalllit ..?
YOU could have said "Once he gets over his mantrum" but you didn't.
Do I need to be out now, or can I stay in?

june2007 · 15/01/2020 12:19

Why survive on takeaways, your cooking anyway and it,s only one more mouth to feed. The more you go on the more unreasonable you seem. (Tha doesn,t stop mil being unreasonable too)

Original poster
ConfusedPupMama · 15/01/2020 14:59

June2007 because I do not cook every night. We don't meal plan really and grab whatever we can find or fancy from the fridge, or pick stuff up as we go (kids are taken care of mealwise at their childcare setting). This suits us, but not MIL who likes to know where her next meal is coming from and what it is going to be. Plus she does not like the same kind of food as us. So yes I do feel DH should shoulder the responsibility for coming up with meal ideas during her visits, as I'd be just as happy making an omelette or having toast.

Sorry if I offended with the use of the word "paddy" I didn't even give a thought to any derogatory meanings. FWIW we are all Irish or of Irish descent and I've not had anyone take offence before.

OP posts:
EL8888 · 15/01/2020 23:24

It's not a hotel or a restaurant so why should you have to make her alternative food? Your DH should be taking care of that, if he is so keen for her to stay. She sounds like so much hard work. I vote your DH needs to pick up this work

PapayaCoconut · 16/01/2020 00:04

YANBU. I hate having houseguests and I have being a houseguest. DH and I are from two different countries and I even though I'm sometimes homesick and miss my family, I hesitate to go to my home country because of I don't stay with family it will cause offense. My family and I simply must cram into other people's houses even though they don't really have enough space for an additional four people. Which means I never get to eat the food I want (DSis family lives on plain pasta) and I don't get to sleep properly and it pisses me off.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 16/01/2020 08:23

On every thread like this , the biggest issue is the fact that the men take zero responsibility for their own mother/parents/family, and expect their wife to deal with everything purely because they have a vagina.

EL8888 · 16/01/2020 08:50

^ this. Absolutely this!

thescarftwins · 16/01/2020 18:13

YANBU. I hate having guests even for one night. I like anyone out by 9pm latest.

Spodge · 16/01/2020 18:28

We put visitors in a hotel at our expense.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 16/01/2020 19:14

We put visitors in a hotel at our expense

Why on earth do you pay for someone else's hotel room?

Spodge · 17/01/2020 16:09

Why on earth do you pay for someone else's hotel room?

@Whatsnewpussyhat
They're usually family who can't afford it otherwise.

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