To despise guests staying longer than a night?

[ConfusedPupMama]

Ugh I just hate the intrusion into my space and having someone constantly there wittering.
My MIL has been here since Thursday now and I really just want her to go! She does go tomorrow but it’s not soon enough for me. I want space before starting the working week again!
I would feel this way if my own mother imposed herself for this long too 😫. I’m really struggling today not to tell her to FO!
We went out for lunch and I told my child off for lashing out at me when I passed her sister a colouring pencil when she had wanted to pass it. MIL then proceeds to tell me that I shouldn’t have leant over my young child to get the pencil and that I needed to teach them it was rude. This is a woman who burps out loud so a lesson in manners from her is really not welcome.
I then got a ticking off for walking off ahead of them to get home. It was freezing cold and she faffs and walks ridiculously slow. So I walked off ahead with my older child leaving DH, MIL and youngest child to walk back together. Apparently I shouldn’t have done that because poor DH obviously cannot be expected to see a 4 year old home without my input. I just wanted 5 minutes breathing space grrrr.

Anyway I had better brace myself to go back into the room they are all in. I’ve had lots of comments and digs from DH about how much time Ive had to myself. No I’m just hiding in the bedroom to get away from your bloody mother!!

@Monkeynuts18 they hate your dog ? I wouldn't want them over my threshold

It's a very strong word 'despise' and indicates a real nastiness in your character OP.
Suggest you try and develop a more mature, kind and tolerant attitude towards people you don't particularly care for.
One day, you'll very likely be a mother-in-law and your 'despising', unkind and intolerant attitude now will be your children's negative attitude in the future.
We do reap what we sow...

Give me ten of the OP than one smug holier than thou person like you. (Though still only for a night)

OP I feel exactly the same. I've banned visitors from Sunday nights. They need to go on Sunday morning after breakfast. However I have found that having old girlfriends I've known 20 years stay bothers me not a jot but PIL drive me mad. Same with my own family. There's just so much serving, tea making and inane daily fail commentary I can't stand it. Go and hide in your room with a book!

I do t even like anyone staying in my house for one night so I think you're being a trooper!

I feel like it's a huge invasion of my privacy and once they leave I feel like my house just isn't quite right for days afterwards. I'm very introverted though and struggle when having to spend a significant amount of time with anyone

You're more tolerant than me, OP. I don't even like having guests for one night! I'm not an antisocial person at all. I really enjoy having people visit during the day or for dinner and drinks in the evening. I enjoy going out to socialise. I just don't like overnight guests. Especially not on a Sunday night or during the week...ugh! I love my job but by its nature it can be emotionally draining and involves a lot of talking so my home is my sanctuary.

My Mil stays for three weeks won't help herself to anything and if you offer her something the response is only if you are sure you can spare it. Yes I can spare a ducking tea bag

YANBU. I would never have anyone to stay over. Would not be able to stand it. Your home and sanctuary

I often wonder about visitors who stay over. Needless to say I don't have any of them lol, and am all the better for it too.

Anyway, reading some other posts here I just cannot understand how some visitors are so brain dead as to think their presence will totally excite their hosts. The last thing I would do is inflict myself on anyone. They have their own lives to live, and I am much more comfortable staying nearby and seeing them when it is convenient for everyone. I shall polish my halo now!

My home is my sanctuary and unless it was an emergency, visitors can feck right off!

I’ve managed to get the visits down from 5 nights to 4. DH told her 3 but she booked 4 anyway 🙄. It’s just too much! I always end up so moody by the end of her stay that I don’t understand why she is always so keen to stay. I think 3 nights would be much more manageable.

I’ve spent as much time upstairs as possible but it’s very awkward. I do feel like I’m acting like a sulky teen but I just can’t help it!

YANBU, I bloody hate visitors for more than one night.

If your husband ignores your requests to keep the visits shorter, he needs to step up and do other things to lighten your load during and around his mother's visits.

The comments and digs about you seeking a moment of solitude? She's his mother. She's more his responsibility than yours to entertain. I'd make this clear to him before the next visit. You don't have to be chief entertainer the whole time she's there, and you certainly don't all have to be together every second of the day.

i feel your pain - mine came over and stayed for about 3 weeks.

You just sound incredibly rude.
Waking ahead to get some “breathing” space. Because you can’t be bothered to wait for someone who’s old and “faffs”

Annoyed that you have to sleep next to your husband!
Making out to your husband it’s a massive inconvenience- “I got the time down”

I mean I really hope you’re children don’t treat you like this when you’re older. I get a bad person is a bad person. But this just comes across as personal dislike.

You suck things up for people you LOVE.
Don’t you?

and to everyone else. She’s not just a visitor. She’s the fucking mother of her husband,
How is that the same as a visitor.

Totally agree. My sister stayed with me for TWO WEEKS over the holidays and my heart sank every time she appeared in the middle of my morning kitchen puttering about while everyone else was still sleeping.

Honestly, I felt like crying.

I really hate having houseguests. The only thing I hate more is being a houseguest.

My parents stay and I’m at my limit after 3 nights in the winter. In the summer, with the garden and bbqing they can easily be here for 5 nights without me feeling frustrated.

Someone once told me that houseguests are like fish.....they go off after 3 days, and it’s always made me chuckle!

@midnighmisssuk

FFS, why do people want to stay THREE WEEKS at someone else's house?! Do they not have somewhere else to go?! You know, like their own damn home?!

I never stop at anyone else's house, and wouldn't want to, but if I did, I would want to leave ASAP.

@aroundtheworldyet

Maybe the OP doesn't LOVE her MIL. Not everyone LOVES everyone ya know. Even if 'oh-so-perfect' YOU does!

Seriously, what a ludicrously daft, smug post!

Another point of view is that I absolutely hate being a guest in people’s homes. It is so difficult to relax in someone else’s home, you are never quite sure of the ‘protocol’ for getting up, bathrooms, breakfast routine, bed time etc etc. I now always insist on staying in a local hotel if we are invited somewhere too far for a day trip (lucky I can afford to). I can remember staying with family, none of them got up at what I assume a reasonable time (8 ish), I was desperate to get up .. went for a long walk, had a coffee out & still no sign of life when I returned at 10am .

totally agree @Ragwort. I visited a friend who lived abroad and my heart sank when she insisted that we stay there.

I thought I'd get away with staying in a hotel.

I really love holidaying with friends/family, but I do not like sharing quarters. I urgently need daily lounging around time with no interlopers.

@TigerOnATrain
Correct! Not everyone loves everyone.

You know I might have been talking about her DH loving his mum?? You know?

Or her children might love their nan?

You know normal relationships! Not smug. But would you never extend Kindness to someone you love by accepting someone they love?!

But yes. Clearly I am smug!

Anyway. My ex used to do this, hated my mum being around, gave me ultimatums about how long she was allowed to stay. Stormed off. Didn’t join us downstairs. He was a cunt

I mean if the ops husband hates his mum too. Then that’s a different story.

Aroundtheworldyet - I’m not annoyed at sleeping next to my husband. I’m annoyed that his snoring disturbs me and I’ve nowhere to go to try and actually get some sleep! The snoring is a whole other issue as DH has basically said it’s not his problem that I’m a light sleeper that gets woken by it.
And yes I wanted breathing space after lunch. She comments on every single thing, gives unsolicited advice and interferes when I’m disciplining my children. By the end of it I was about to explode so yes I did need a few minutes to breathe. You’ve decided for yourself that she is old as I’ve not said that - she isn’t!

About five days is my preferred limit unless it’s the children and their partners. We always set ground rules about amount of time together or planned activities and time apart . Not nastily but just saying perhaps we have to do a couple of hours work or I need to visit my mother so they’ll have to look after themselves. I make suggestions of what they might want to do but leave it to them.
Dog walking is a good private time creator too.
We only stay with people if there is adequate space and facilities. We arrange time apart too. Same with holidays with friends - we always do separate villas/ boats/cottages.

I take back old- but I presume she’s older than you.
But as per usual on mumsnet. You have a DH problem.