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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP going away

106 replies

kippersandchips · 12/01/2020 14:53

My DP (together a year, we don't live together) just called and told me he's being considered to work abroad for 6 weeks over the summer, it would be over my birthday and straight after he finishes his very intense uni course. He told me that he intends to take it if he's offered.

I'm upset because I'm barely going to see him in the weeks leading up to it due to deadlines, and we'd discussed going away for my birthday which now obviously won't happen. I'm also annoyed that he told me he intends to take it, and didn't actually ask how I felt about it.

Am I being completely selfish here?

OP posts:

WineIsMyMainVice · 12/01/2020 14:55

If it’s a good opportunity for his career I think he should go. You can always celebrate your birthday another time. 6 weeks is not that long in the grand scheme of things....

Apolloanddaphne · 12/01/2020 14:56

If to something which will be good for his job prospects then I think you should be pleased for him rather than moaning about it. 6 weeks is nothing.

Mintlegs · 12/01/2020 14:57

If you are in a long term relationship then he should have discussed it with you but he may have to take it if it’s his job

Weffiepops · 12/01/2020 14:57

Yes if you're just in the studying /fledgling career phase, he should prioritise work opportunities. You can celebrate your birthday another time

Popc0rn · 12/01/2020 14:57

Yes. Sorry to be so harsh. It's only 6 weeks. Could you visit him while he's there? Do something for your birthday before or after he goes? It sounds like a good opportunity and if I were in his position I wouldn't consider asking a dating partner of one year for 'permission' to go.

CakeandCustard28 · 12/01/2020 14:58

Your not living together, he doesn’t need your permission. YABU can’t you go and visit him whilst he’s there and do something for your birthday?

Original poster

kippersandchips · 12/01/2020 14:59

He does labouring alongside his degree on a self-employed basis, and this opportunity is doing that abroad but isn't actually related to his degree or career goals, but would be good money.

OP posts:

CleanAndPaidFor · 12/01/2020 15:02

Can I ask how old you are OP? If you're young with no children and no real ties I think you need to grasp all the opportunities that come your way. Six weeks abroad sounds exciting. Would he resent you if he didn't go? Can you go and visit him there over your birthday?

Apolloanddaphne · 12/01/2020 15:02

So 6 weeks earning a good chunk of cash? I would be happy to see him go and then you can have a nice break to celebrate your birthday on his return and he may have a little extra money to treat you.

plunkplunkfizz · 12/01/2020 15:05

OMG he will miss your birthday! That is a once in a lifetime event. How could he do this to you!?!

Give your head a wobble.

Goldwispa · 12/01/2020 15:05

Tell him to go for it , six weeks isn't long. If it was the other way around you'd probably want him to encourage you to go.

Yarboosucks · 12/01/2020 15:05

YOu are being selfish and (IMHO) worse than that both petty and precious. You are in a relationship with someone who sounds like a hardworker and you are worrying about a birthday? Hopefully you will have loads of birthdays and you have plenty of time to make alternative arrangements for this one.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 12/01/2020 15:05

I wouldn’t expect to have to ask permission at this stage in a relationship. If he can earn good money for a few weeks, wish him well and do something nice together when he gets back.

MarthasGinYard · 12/01/2020 15:06

Blimey

It's just six weeks and six months away

ImGoingSlightlyBrad · 12/01/2020 15:07

I wouldn't expect to be asked unless the relationship had progressed to a stage where there was an element of tangible reliance on each other. Eg living together.

Six weeks is not really a long time and people should still feel they have the ability to make decisions for themselves - even in relationships. Imo anyway.

Birthdays wouldn't come into it for me at any stage of a relationship.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/01/2020 15:07

I don’t think he needs to check with his gf if he can take a job!

You can go away for a belated birthday trip before/after.

MarthasGinYard · 12/01/2020 15:07

With all due respect it's just a birthday you can celebrate before or after.

mrsbyers · 12/01/2020 15:08

Go out and celebrate your birthday where he will be working

123rd · 12/01/2020 15:09

Sorry , it's only 6 weeks and equals a decent chunk of cash. I think yabn.
If it were 6mths or a year then he would be wrong not to discuss it first.
6 wks isn't a big deal

Honeyroar · 12/01/2020 15:10

Celebrate your birthday when he returns, it’s no big deal. You’ve not been together that long, don’t start dictating to him already.

Ragwort · 12/01/2020 15:10

Six weeks is nothing , you are not living together, presumably have no children together, if he is just about to finish uni then I assume he is early 20s, why should he seek your permission ? . I was an au pair for ten weeks after A levels, I didn’t discuss it with my boy friend at the the time, it was just a great opportunity. Being upset because he is missing your birthday sounds pathetic and needy.

AgathaVanHelsing · 12/01/2020 15:10

Yes you are being selfish and princessy and precious.
It's ok to be a but disappointed but I wouldn't turn down good money for 6 weeks work either if I was free to take it and I'm married with kids!

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 12/01/2020 15:11

Only way this would be unreasonable is if you were pregnant and it was around your due date or something. 6 weeks is nothing. If its somewhere near anything touristy I'd be asking if he could negotiate for you to be paid to fly out to visit him

NotStayingIn · 12/01/2020 15:12

I think you really need to grow up. Moaning about him missing a birthday is just embarrassing.

CherryPavlova · 12/01/2020 15:13

I think to even suggest he shouldn’t go would have him running for the hills. Are you really unable to cope for a brief period without him?
Go and wave him off happily. Plan a nice birthday with your family or friends, if you really need it to be an event.
I’m guessing you are very young still, when six weeks might feel like a long time. That being the case, I’d suggest you build your own life and confidence before becoming dependent on a relationship for your happiness and sense of security.

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