DP going away

[kippersandchips]

My DP (together a year, we don't live together) just called and told me he's being considered to work abroad for 6 weeks over the summer, it would be over my birthday and straight after he finishes his very intense uni course. He told me that he intends to take it if he's offered.

I'm upset because I'm barely going to see him in the weeks leading up to it due to deadlines, and we'd discussed going away for my birthday which now obviously won't happen. I'm also annoyed that he told me he intends to take it, and didn't actually ask how I felt about it.

Am I being completely selfish here?

Couldn't get upset over this, but I am an army wife so well used to my DH going away

By calling him your partner when you're not living togther and have only been dating for a year, you do sound very over- invested in the relationship. Does he feel the same as you do you think?

So he's off to Abu Dhabi to earn some money. Yawn.

If you stop him, he'll resent you.

He is your boyfriend, not your DP.
You have been together for a short time, why is him having six weeks away a problem ?

Am I being completely selfish here?

Yes. HTH.

I don't see any reason for him to consult you before taking it.

@kippersandchips

YABU.

I am damn sure I would not be tailoring my life and career around a man I had known for a year.

And no man should be doing it for a woman either (or any other man!!!)

YANBU to be pissed off, but YABU to expect him to live his life around you.

You don't live together, it's only six weeks, and birthdays happen pretty regularly.
Yep, sorry to join the choir, but you're over-reacting.

If it’s going to be important or useful for his career, then IMO YABVU.

As pps have said, 6 weeks is nothing, and TBH grown up birthdays are nothing to be precious about.
My dh was often away for weeks or months at a time for work. You just get on with it.

Both my husband and I went away for different summer holidays for a couple of months when we were students (I did a placement and travelling in India, he went to work at Sellafield for 3 months!) We have summer birthdays so must have missed each other's but we would have just celebrated with friends. He doesn't need to ask permission for 6 weeks and it sounds really sensible if he's a student and it's good money.

Go out and celebrate your birthday where he will be working

Or just with mates. Either way, it's a good test. A years relationship isn't long and maybe it lasts and maybe it doesn't.

Am I being completely selfish here?

Yes.

'I've just had a fantastic opportunity come up to go and work overseas for six weeks this summer. My boyfriend (together six months, we don't live together) is really pissed off that I didn't check with him before I accepted. He's even posting on Pistonheads about it'.

Responses would be controlling, red flags, LTB etc.

Just have a think op.

Yes you are being selfish.

My partner went away for two months last summer, of course I missed him but it went a lot quicker than expected.

To expect him to not take this because of your birthday is honestly ridiculous.

He should go.

You see homasa partner. He considers you his girlfriend, who he doesn't have to consult or consider when making decisions.

Just make sure that you aren't compromising or putting anything on hold for him.

So you are dating an individual who takes his education and financial future seriously. He isn’t fawning off for 6 weeks to party, he is going somewhere to do hard work.

This is the kind of person who would make an excellent partner some day.

Six weeks? It’s nothing. I used to work abroad for four weeks every May / June, and then other times in the year for two weeks at a time. My DH survived and if he’d suggested I didn’t take my awesome job I wouldn’t have been thrilled - it was never a question. You aren’t even living together, you’ve been together a year. I know lots of people who passed up working abroad due to relationships after uni and have always regretted it. Plan something awesome to do for yourself for those six weeks.

It's only for six weeks! Of course he should go.

Would you want him to tell you what you could and couldn't do with regards to your career?

This will be great for his career and he shouldn't give that up for the sake of a girlfriend of a year. If your relationship is good then 6 weeks is nothing.

As mentioned before, it's not for his career - it's labouring abroad, he plans on getting into financial services. He's got plenty of other options to make money here, doing labouring for other companies.

It doesn’t really matter, unfortunately. You clearly have completely different takes on what your relationship actually is, sorry.
He doesn’t see you as his partner.

As mentioned before, it's not for his career - it's labouring abroad, he plans on getting into financial services. He's got plenty of other options to make money here, doing labouring for other companies.

Maybe he just wants a holiday as well?

Yes. You are being extremely selfish.
The only exceptions would be late pregnancy, post birth, multiple young children, bereavement or serious illness

I’m with him here. You don’t live together or have children, so it’s not a decision that impacts upon you enough to need to be discussed and agreed on jointly. I’m not a believer that non-milestone adult birthdays are so important that they must be celebrated in grand ways. There’s no reason why he can’t post a card and gift and then you can go away when he returns.