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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP going away

106 replies

kippersandchips · 12/01/2020 14:53

My DP (together a year, we don't live together) just called and told me he's being considered to work abroad for 6 weeks over the summer, it would be over my birthday and straight after he finishes his very intense uni course. He told me that he intends to take it if he's offered.

I'm upset because I'm barely going to see him in the weeks leading up to it due to deadlines, and we'd discussed going away for my birthday which now obviously won't happen. I'm also annoyed that he told me he intends to take it, and didn't actually ask how I felt about it.

Am I being completely selfish here?

OP posts:
bank100 · 12/01/2020 15:13

Sounds like a good opportunity for him & he's keen.
You can celebrate your birthday with friends etc. It's not really a big deal.

Mirandaqueenbee · 12/01/2020 15:13

Think your being over ott here it's life if you have no kids go grasp a holiday with him for 2-4 weeks

FabbyChix · 12/01/2020 15:13

Are you 5

bigchris · 12/01/2020 15:16

He might not be the one for you, someone with ambition and mature enough to know that's more important than a birthday

GreenTulips · 12/01/2020 15:16

With all due respect it's just a birthday you can celebrate before or after

Or on the day with fiends.

bretonleopard · 12/01/2020 15:20

So what’s the alternative? He is here for your birthday and you see him more frequently, But he misses out on an experience of living abroad for six weeks and being paid for it.

I think you need to put your feelings to one side here and see that it is a great opportunity for him. If it was my husband, I would let him go.

If you kick up a stink, it will cause resentment and would come across as selfish.

MarthasGinYard · 12/01/2020 15:20

Obviously

But with him 'before or after' if it's such a big deal

CarolinaPink · 12/01/2020 15:23

It sounds like an internship, and if he’s completing a very intensive Uni course then it may be what he’s been working towards. If that’s the case then yes, I think YABU.

SmileyClare · 12/01/2020 15:28

Come on, he doesn't need your permission, nor do you have a right to stop him going!
There's a chance you won't be together in another 6 months; it's still early days in your relationship.

If you are still together, why not consider flying out for a while in the summer?

user2314 · 12/01/2020 15:29

My husband went away 1/1/20 and is due back around the end of March. He also missed our daughters BIRTH day as in the day she was born.

1forsorrow · 12/01/2020 15:31

He'll probably spend some of that money on you when he gets back, can you plan a celebration with friends then you can celebrate with him when he gets back. Yes you'll miss him being there on the day but there will be other days.

2020newme · 12/01/2020 15:31

This is a bloke you have been dating for a year. I would think it odd for him to prioritise your birthday over an opportunity like this. Confused

Are you unable to visit him out there? When I dated a man who worked overseas a lot I had a brilliant time of it Grin

letmeinthroughyourwindow · 12/01/2020 15:33

He's not your partner if you have only been together a year and don't live together imo.

If you really expect to be together forever, then six weeks is nothing.

Missing one of your birthdays is also nothing.

You sound a bit ridiculous tbh. If a boyfriend sulked about me making a financial decision to work abroad for six weeks I'd dump him.

He might not have asked you, but he gave you six months notice.

confusedandemployed · 12/01/2020 15:37

Come on love, this is pathetic.

Of course YABU.

AutumnRose1 · 12/01/2020 15:38

YABVVVVU

Leeds2 · 12/01/2020 15:40

If he were my son, I would suggest he did what he wanted to do rather than bend to the will of his year long girlfriend. It's only six weeks, wave him off with a happy heart and go out to visit for your birthday.

Maryann1975 · 12/01/2020 15:41

It’s your birthday, but actually, really it’s just another day. I never get why adults put so much emphasis on making such a fuss on their ‘big day’. Be a grown up, let him go without to much fuss and earn some money and you get on with your life while he is away. If you are going to struggle without him because you normally spend so much time together, take this as an opportunity to do something for yourself. Book on a short course and learn something new, join a gym/swim membership and get a bit fitter, volunteer for a charity. Make a bit more of a life for yourself that doesn’t revolve so much around your dbf.

Lailaha · 12/01/2020 15:42

You might not even be together by then...

AutumnRose1 · 12/01/2020 15:44

“ I'm also annoyed that he told me he intends to take it, and didn't actually ask how I felt about it.”

Just to add, there’s no way I’d ask a boyfriend what they thought of it either, I’d just tell them about it.

Nodnol · 12/01/2020 15:44

YABVVVVVVVU. He's your boyfriend not partner. You don't live together, he isn't tied to you.

wildcherries · 12/01/2020 15:45

You don't live together, he doesn't need to ask you whether he can go. Birthdays don't have to be celebrated on the day. YABU.

jjjnnnnnrrssss · 12/01/2020 15:46

Any possibility you can go see him during this time for a weekend? How far is it.

6 weeks sucks and it is over your birthday which double sucks, but if it is a good financial opportunity or good career opportunity then it's not a big deal. Sad he didn't talk with you about it though, depending on how long you've been together it might be worth talking about your communication in the relationship.

NeedAnExpert · 12/01/2020 15:50

Unless it’s likely to be your last birthday, YABU.

Stephminx · 12/01/2020 15:54

Yep, another YABU from me.

74NewStreet · 12/01/2020 15:58

Seriously, your birthday shouldn’t even be a factor in this...

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