DP going away

[kippersandchips]

My DP (together a year, we don't live together) just called and told me he's being considered to work abroad for 6 weeks over the summer, it would be over my birthday and straight after he finishes his very intense uni course. He told me that he intends to take it if he's offered.

I'm upset because I'm barely going to see him in the weeks leading up to it due to deadlines, and we'd discussed going away for my birthday which now obviously won't happen. I'm also annoyed that he told me he intends to take it, and didn't actually ask how I felt about it.

Am I being completely selfish here?

Maybe he fancies labouring somewhere where the weather is nice?

YABU here, it's only 6 weeks - it's a short time in the grand scheme of things. Send him off with a list of things you want from the duty free.

I would be annoyed with you if you were upset with me over this. A holiday can wait, you can see each other some other time. This is his life, these opportunities will lead to more opportunities and help him increase his earning potential. He is not going away for a year without consulting you. I would honestly consider ending a relationship if my partner didn't realise how important this was as you are upset over uni deadlines and a job taking priority over a potential holiday showing your values really dont align especially if you have to ask to be told you are BVVVVU

Let him go - maybe go join him for a weekend. My husband might have an opportunity to go and do some of his work (bathroom fitting/plumbing) for a few weeks later this year! I said of course, and will book a hotel and join him for a couple of nights.

YABU and selfish.

So what if he misses your birthday? It’s only a birthday - you’re not a child and you have one every year! Celebrate together before/after if you absolutely have to.

You’ve only been together a year and don’t even live together, so he doesn’t need to run it past you just inform you.

If my DH were presented with opportunity to work abroad for 6 weeks, I would help him pack!
IME as an immigrant, it's amazing even if it's just for few weeks.

Oops just seen it is not career related but still goes. You are over invested and sound quite controlling reading your updates.

He should definitely go. It is still his financial future. Again as a student having a girlfriend throwing a hissy fit over this would and should lead to the end of that relationship. YABVVVU

Just to clarify also - he's 31 and I'm 25, he's a mature student. Thank you for the opinions though, clearly I am being selfish.

Age is irrelevant tbh. It's a great and interesting opportunity. If my partner tried to stop me I would have no partner🤷

I'd honestly dump a bloke who tried to stop me doing this, or even tried to make me feel remotely guilty! You've known the guy 12 months, get a grip!!

Even if it's not related to his future career, you said yourself it's good money so why on earth wouldn't he go? This is the time to take these opportunities and to travel, before he has any responsibilities. I'd expect my DH to talk consult me before taking a work opportunity that took him away for several weeks but only because we have children together so him being away means a lot more work for me! How does your boyfriend being away actually affect you? You'll miss him, of course, but it does no harm to miss one another occasionally.

If it was 6 months work then yes, I'd say he should have had a conversation with you before deciding what to do, but 6 weeks?? If the relationship isn't strong enough that it can't survive a few weeks separation then it was never going to last the distance anyway.

Oh wow. I thought you were both much younger from your OP.

Just agreeing with everyone else. Sorry.

Great opportunity for him and he has told you about it with a lot of notice. Be positive for him and get on with your own life over that time. Seriously it will make a long term relationship more likely.

Besides wont you be working for most of that time?

It's natural to feel you might be missing out, why don't you arrange something fun with your friends like a holiday or whatever, you do do this and go and visit him for a couple of wk ends.

When you get to my age, you've had so many birthdays the least fuss the better! Year before last was a winner I had NO cards and NO presents.
Cannot understand why you are bothered it is, after all, just another day to anyone else.

You've been dating a year, don't live together and he doesn't have any reason to ask your permission.

I grew up with my dad in forces, he would go away for 6 months at a time, 6 weeks is nothing

There isnt the same opportunitues here. Being abroad for 6 weeks, for whatever reason is an opportunity.

This decision actually had nothing to do with you. You are his partner, you dont have joint Bill's, you dont have kids.

Anyone who expects someone to pass up a chance like this just because they will miss their birthday, isnt a good partner.

I’m going to go against the grain here and say I think whilst it’s a good opportunity and he should probably go despite your birthday, I think it would have been nice for him to ask your opinion about it. Not asking your permission but at least an adult conversation as this does affect you and you are in a relationship after all. I can understand that you are hurt by that and even if a good opportunity came my DH way I would like him to discuss it with me too

It's not just about money, 6 weeks in another country is an experience that he won't get here. I'm sorry but your birthday isn't an important enough reason not to go, it's a bit sad that you think that's more important than him taking up a great opportunity.

I realise you’re upset but I’m sorry, I think you’re being selfish and unreasonable.

So you’re resentful of the fact he has taken a brilliant opportunity to work abroad for 42 days? Imagine how he would feel if you said he “couldn’t go”? It’s 6 weeks good pay gone, a brilliant opportunity career wise (despite your protests) it will at the least look good on a CV and provide transferable soft skills, be a good networking opportunity and 6 weeks experience working in another country. I think you’re being highly selfish to prioritise your birthday (not even a big one) over his. Feel a bit disappointed, sure, but if you’re not able to see how this would benefit your partner in the long run perhaps you’re not mature enough to be in a relationship.

Why don't you travel out to him for your birthday if it means that much to you? I presume you'll be 26 at your next birthday, that's not a "special" one. If you don't see him for your birthday then arrange to spend it with family or friends instead

Do you always talk about things in advance? If not, then no, you are over reacting as it is only 6 weeks and you will have other birthdays and you can celebrate at other times. Do you think he wants out of the relationship? Sometimes people do this stuff to exit without saying they want to.

Get a grip, it's just a birthday. He sounds like a hard worker, good on him.

As mentioned before, it's not for his career - it's labouring abroad, he plans on getting into financial services.

An industry facing major cuts and ongoing uncertainty due to Brexit. Plus he’ll be up against people ten years younger vying for places on graduate schemes.

This work might not be directly related to his career, but a financial cushion will be a massive help. It may mean he can be pickier about taking the right job rather than any job.

Why not just fly over if spending your birthday with him is that important?

It's good money and a great experience. Even if it's not the sector he wants to work in it will show he has commitment and dedication to his work, too. That's never a bad thing.