AIBU to be angry at siblings?

[Gemm83]

Dad's birthday in a couple of weeks. Going for a weekend away to celebrate in lovely house. Friends are very kindly paying for us as there is no way DH and I could afford it. However, I'm still stressing about finances as in to fill car up with diesel and pay our way with the "big shop"

I am currently on bog standard SMP and whilst DH is full time once all bills are paid we probably have around £150 disposable income to do what we want with.

My Sister text me yesterday and said "Oh by the way we (sister and brother) have got Dad a Tag watch for his birthday. We are paying monthly so you need to set up a direct debit to one of our accounts for your share!!! WTF??!! Now, in the grand scheme of things they are paying the majority and £10 a month isn't a massive thing... But over 18 months that's £180! The watch itself is entry level, but still cost over £1000. Its not even a special birthday.

I am totally fucked off because they didn't even mention they were getting a present and I now feel completely compelled to contribute as otherwise I'm going to look like a complete arsehole!!!

They are both well off and have form for this. Last time was a £600 watch and £100 bottle of perfume... Again I felt forced to contribute.

AIBU??

Yanbu but as they have done this before and have form why havent you addressed this previously?

They will keep doing this until you say no, so just say no.

Did you raise your objections the last time?

I agree that they’re a bit, er, presumptious but they’re also not mind readers and if you’re stumping up with a squeak, they’re just gonna carry on with the status quo.

Just say no. Otherwise they’ll always expect it.

sorry, we have already bought a gift. Just give it from the 2 of you

Why are your friends paying for the trip? Do friends regularly sub you?

Just tell them you’ve got him something from you and DH and that you “hope he likes the watch, what a lovely gift.”

"sorry I can't afford it"

Just say 'No,sorry, this time I've already bought him a gift, you should have asked me first and need to ask me in the future before you buy it and expect me to contribute.'
No way would I pay into a present I haven't been consulted about. And income is irrelevant, even if you earned similar or more than them, it's rude to make decisions for people and tell them how to spend their money.

Just say that with new baby and mat leave, you cannot afford this, they should have asked you before they commited to this, you'll make your own arrangements for a gift for your Father.
Sounds as if they'll both be paying more than they anticipated - and won't be doing the same thing again.
TBH - if they can afford gifts like this, it seems wierd to pay for them on credit.
Not that it makes it OK for them to commit to expenditure on your behalf, but if the watch cost over £1,000 and they are asking for £180 from you, they haven't just split it three ways.
Would have been more appropriate to suggest they were getting a joint gift, would you like to contribute, and how much - BEFORE they purchased something.

Message back saying oh that's nice, but we've already got our gift for dad. And anyway, you know we can't afford something like that! Going away is already a stretch for us.

"Sorry but there's no way we could afford that. Probably better if we do our own thing for gifts from now on anyway as our finances are so different. Looking forward to seeing you all!"

You could make him a nice gift and I bet he'd like it more.
An embroidered picture or a hamper of this favourite food / chocs for example. If you put love into it then even a millionaire would be happy with a £10 / 20 gift
Your siblings seem controlling. Your don't have to go along with their wishes.

I would just tell them that you cannot afford this, and leave it at that.

After all, they can't exactly issue court proceedings if you don't set up the direct debit.

CFers.

Unless you speak up for yourself it will never change

This keeps happening because you allow it. Either put a stop to it now or expect it and budget accordingly. Birthdays are on the same date every year.

I wouldn't pay in these circumstances. How about texting something like, "Oh dear, I think there's been a misunderstanding as we're not going in with you this year. Sorry! x"

But you aren't forced to contribute.
Nobody consulted you so don't give them money which you don't have.
Why on earth did you pay up last time?

Agree with the above. Just say "I've already sorted out a present and anyway I can't afford that! Sorry but you should have checked first." Stand firm OP. It would be extremely rude of you to accept financial help from your friends and then do this.

What did they say the Ladt time when you said you couldn't afford it? Or didnt you say anything?

Again I felt forced to contribute

Why? Because you can't handle them being annoyed at you?

You simply say no. Let them huff and puff if they need to.

Why are your friends paying for the trip? Do friends regularly sub you?

How is this relevant?

The big shop? For a weekend? Just take your own food, although presumably you’ll be eating out.

Why have you let your sibs do this to you again when they have form? What were you planning on getting your dad, if anything? I would tell them no, you will not be contributing to that gift because you’re broke, which they must know.

You have a choice at this point. You either stick up for yourself or you continue to let yourself by pushed into these things. It's entirely up to you.

"Sorry, I cant afford it"

Thats all you need say. No excuses needed, no compromise. It's ridiculous for them to assume you would want to go in on a gift, let alone one so expensive and I'm sure your Dad wouldn't want you and your baby to go without, to fund his birthday present.

Do you feel able to stand up to them? Have you told them it’s not ok for them to just unilaterally decide this?