AIBU to be angry at siblings?

[Gemm83]

Dad's birthday in a couple of weeks. Going for a weekend away to celebrate in lovely house. Friends are very kindly paying for us as there is no way DH and I could afford it. However, I'm still stressing about finances as in to fill car up with diesel and pay our way with the "big shop"

I am currently on bog standard SMP and whilst DH is full time once all bills are paid we probably have around £150 disposable income to do what we want with.

My Sister text me yesterday and said "Oh by the way we (sister and brother) have got Dad a Tag watch for his birthday. We are paying monthly so you need to set up a direct debit to one of our accounts for your share!!! WTF??!! Now, in the grand scheme of things they are paying the majority and £10 a month isn't a massive thing... But over 18 months that's £180! The watch itself is entry level, but still cost over £1000. Its not even a special birthday.

I am totally fucked off because they didn't even mention they were getting a present and I now feel completely compelled to contribute as otherwise I'm going to look like a complete arsehole!!!

They are both well off and have form for this. Last time was a £600 watch and £100 bottle of perfume... Again I felt forced to contribute.

AIBU??

Also if they bought him a £600 watch last year why are they buying him a £1000 watch this year. How many overpriced watches does one man need?

Who is paying for the weekend away-is that not the present?

Tbh though, if you can't afford it why would you go?

Perhaps they think that you can afford things that you can't as you always pay up?

You need to step away & do what you can afford.

If that's a visit & a small present/afternoon tea, so be it.

In debt for a parent's (or anyone's!) birthday?

Utter stupidity imo.

even if you were a billionaire, you should be consulted about a joint gift.

a Tag watch

tell them you can't and aren't paying for it.

Just say no, you've already bought a present for your dad.

My sister was very good at this one - not only assuming I'd agree but somehow I always ended up paying the lion's share - she's the most manipulative and sneaky person at this - she could give classes (why we are now NC!). In the end she did it one time and I went "sorry, I've already arranged my gift..." - she was pissed off and going on about how she'd already bought the gift she had decided I was going to contribute to (or likely pay most of!) - and I just said "well you didn't consult me - I'm not a mind reader - you should ask before committing other people to things..." - she never did it again! Stand up for yourself and just say you've already made your own arrangements gift-wise so won't be contributing - if they moan - quote what I said above.

Just say "I've already sorted out a present and anyway I can't afford that! Sorry but you should have checked first."

^This. Text back today. The longer you leave it the more they will expect you to pay, and you'll feel more obliged.

I agree with, 'oh dear, you should have spoken to me first. We've already bought our gift for Dad, so the cost that you've incurred for the gift that you bought for Dad, is entirely on you'.

And how many watches does the man need?!

Don't send a penny, what are they going to do, instruct baliffs?

I think that you should at least consider not going. If your friends are paying for your place, you can't afford to contribute to the food and there is going to be massive stress over the extravagant gift, then it doesn't sound like you will come away feeling like it was all worth it.

If you can't cancel, do as a pp suggested and bring your own food. Tell your sister that you don't know why she thought you would contribute to a gift that she obviously can't afford either (if she could afford it, why the credit?).

This can either be the year your maternity leave was ruined by the stress of all this, or the year you called a halt to it. You get to choose which.

No need to be angry-just tell them no.

What will happen?

Also, would your dad want you to be in debt for his birthday?

OP, does your dad know that friends are paying for the stay? My parents would have/had a fit at the idea of doing something I couldn't afford on
their birthday. They'd be happier with a cupcake with a candle, and a cuddle!

Just say no, I'm doing my own thing this year. Find a nice print or something, kids' painting from your own childhood or whatever, get it framed and give it. Your siblings are very selfish and you just need to say I can't do it, please consult me in future if you plan something like this.

I am afraid I would probably not even say sorry because they are just very selfish and frankly a bit stupid. Sorry

No one is forcing you to contribute. Tell them you can’t afford it. To be fair if you’ve done it before they have no reason to think you have an issue with it.

Tell them the truth, you've had to borrow money to afford the weekend away, you're going to struggle to pay your share of the extravagant food shop and you just can't afford to contribute to that present so you've got your own.

Your siblings cannot afford that present either if they've had to get it on credit. I think you all need a reality check. If it's not a special birthday why not just have a nice meal or a day out in future.

Who are your siblings trying to impress? Do your parents expect this extravagance? Do they think you are all better off than you are? Would they be mortified if they knew you were all going beyond your means for their birthdays?

Just tell them you had already bought a present and can’t afford that so it’s just from them sorry.

FFS, put on your grown up pants and tell your sister no, you won't be contributing to a present you weren't consulted on and wouldn't have agreed to even if you had. You cannot afford it, end of.

Just say no. Stop being a doormat and letting people spend what little money you have.

Oh, and if your siblings complain and moan they can't afford it without you, then they should return the watch and get something more sensible.

Why didn’t you opt out completely, rather than allowing your friends to cover your costs?!

Just say "oh nice of you to offer to include me in this, but I've already bought something for Dad from me. If you just give it from you two. Thanks anyway."

And ignore.

Just say, "Sorry no I can't afford that and anyway we have already got a present."

Job done. If DSis complains, tell her she should have consulted with you beforehand.

They are your family. Tell them you can't afford it. Surely your dad won't want you to go without for some stupid watch. Your siblings too. It's just people not really knowing about money because they've got it. It's your family. You all love each other. Talk to them.

And if you don't love each other, definitely don't buy a watch!

Why are friends subsiding your weekend away when you say “once all bills are paid we probably have around £150 disposable income to do what we want with.” ?

So, effectively you could afford to pay £10 a month towards the watch.

I do think it’s wrong for your siblings to make financial decisions on your behalf although it sounds like they were actually trying to be thoughtful of your financial situation by saying the posh gift is from the 3 of you. You need to put them straight.

You also need to be straight with your friends and pay them back ASAP and then tell your family that you aren’t managing your money very well and so cannot afford to contribute towards the watch. You’ll buy something else instead.

I agree, you need to text back and say as you weren't consulted about the gift you won't be paying towards it. So what if they are annoyed? And why in hell are you even partaking in all this fuss when it's not even a special birthday? Why are friends paying for your stay? Just say no to it all in future and have your dad over for dinner for his birthday instead.

Did the text actually say what you said it did word for word? If so 😱😱😱😱😱😅