To be permanently skint, despite being on a good salary?

[cherriesandapplesandberries]

On paper, we have a good combined income of around £85,000, although it varies slightly and can even go up to around 90 on a good year.

But we seem to be permanently skint, and I don’t mean not much money, I mean absolutely nothing in the bank accounts, scrabbling round for loose change, stressing about how we will get to work, skint. This isn’t a begging thread by the way, I know sometimes people post on MN wanting others to offer them money and I don’t, I’m just trying to explain how it is.

We do have debts, loans and credit cards plus obviously the mortgage, childcare fees, cars which cost then obviously the needs of a growing family.

I know back when I was a young ‘un I’d have fallen about laughing at the idea my current salary isn’t enough to live on, but I just seem to be struggling all of the time!

And of course they sometimes go to university then and you can easily find yourself with a big top up to pay. We’re half way through the third one; just one more to go.

The ones who have graduated have needed a little bit of help launching; a graduation gift that got used as a rental deposit, their car insurance paid for while they found their feet financially, that sort of thing.

I guess in a few years it will be house deposits.

The ones who have graduated have needed a little bit of help launching; a graduation gift that got used as a rental deposit, their car insurance paid for while they found their feet financially, that sort of thing.

Let's not pretend that this is necessary or standard. Being able to leverage your family wealth into career capital for your children is a very effective strategy simply because most people cannot afford to do it.

Let's not pretend that this is necessary or standard. Being able to leverage your family wealth into career capital for your children is a very effective strategy simply because most people cannot afford to do it

oh, ffs. Career capital - ideological , whining tripe. Parents aren’t supposed to help their children in a minimal way if they can ? And who are you to judge that most people cannot ?

Setting them up with rental deposits, car insurance, house deposits and money while at university all costing thousands of pounds, especially if multiple DC is hardly 'minimal'.

Do you really think that most people are able to give all their DC thousands or tens of thousands of pounds as young adults? You must live in a very comfortable bubble if that is your experience.

I didn't read four's comment as moralistic or judgmental, more factual. It's patronising to suggest that the OP and others who are struggling financially are treating the equivalent of national trust membership as if they are essentials.

Yes, hobbies, leg ups etc etc are all very sensible investments in your kids' future that it's perfectly reasonable to aspire to be able to provide. No they are not essential, and many people have to live without them - hence social mobility being somewhat stagnant in this country.

But all that's kind of irrelevant to the op's issue, which is that her salary isn't stretching to meet her hefty mortgage and other outgoings that she cannot easily cut back on in the short term.

Not moralistic bullshit at all. I'll do the same for my children.

Especially being able to cover your dc's living costs while they get good work experience. I think this is the biggest bang for your buck to be honest, far preferable to paying university fees in terms of long term pay back.

But it's not essential, is it? As you say, it's a choice. It's not correct to say that adult children cost a fortune and pretend it's akin to childcare costs. If you are garnering advantage for your adult children that's all well and good but it's not one of life's essentials, like having your toddlers looked after while you bring in an income.

The fact is that while this sort of help is nice in families where it can be afforded, it simply isn't possible for a lot of people.

I'll say it out loud shall I... although I bet I'm not the only one thinking it.
Get a flipping grip!
Why post if you don't want help or to let people offer solutions.. you can't be helped if you won't open up.

. It's not correct to say that adult children cost a fortune and pretend it's akin to childcare costs

If you are counting an adult as 18, then adult children at university will certainly cost you a lot of money, especially if your income is £85k. Topping up from the minimum loan to the maximum is going to cost you four or five thousand pounds a year.

After shelling that out for several years I have no qualms handing over a few hundred on graduation so that my kid can actually get to their shiny new job and find somewhere to live.

Most people can not afford to fund their kids university fees and living expenses. That is why most students graduate with loans and having to pay back tuition fees.

Paying a lot of stuff mentioned here in relation to teenagers and adult children is a choice. But lots of expenditure with babies and younger children is not a choice. With a 5-year old, you can't just leave them alone afterschool. So you either work less hours and lose that salary, or you pay for childcare.
It is because that expenditure is not discretionary that people say young kids are more expensive.

It's much better to try and Foster can do attitudes in the dc. Not passive ones, waiting for things to happen.

I think we have so many chains around us it's hard to encourage all freer entrepreneurial spirit.

Totally agree funding work experience is a good idea. Getting on the ground.. Experience is undervalued

Pay off credit cards and other debts. Just have your mortgage as your only debt.

85.000 a year id wouldnt mind having that. I live on 12.000 a year with bills etc. Put my daughter trough college Has a great well paid job now. She looks after herself now at 24. Great to see her living very independant.. Never asked my for anything. Turned out well

With respect Kimbo, with an income of £12k your DD will have gone to uni with a full loan and probably a couple of grand in bursary.

My DCs’ friends from lower income families were getting something like 11k for uni, whereas our kids were getting 4.5k. So yes, our kids did need money from us. Nothing to do with how independent they are.

The £11k is for loans. It still has to be paid back. Yes universities have bursaries you can apply for, but most low income students do not get one. Some universities have no bursaries at all for low income students. So yes if your parents are on a low income you will get a loan that you have to pay interest on.

The point I am making is that if you have a high income, you are still expected to support your adult child, to the tune of four or five grand a year, whilst they are at uni. Because they are not able to access as much in loans as a student from a low income family.

We had a few years with two kids in uni at once (I had three kids in five years) so it was quite expensive for us. And I don’t consider supporting my kids adequately at uni something that is optional or not essential.

So yes, they are expensive even when they are technically adults.

If childcare takes up a whole salary then surely the lower earner of the pair would stay at home , this in turn would save money as wouldnt need two cars so that's a chunk saved there
I'm going back after maternity leave soon and no way if my whole wage was gonna be spend on childcare would I bother

I watched a video about "how to be organised" and what they said was really interested. The lady had a 3 bedroom house with a garage and downsided to a 2 bedroom flat. She went through everything in her house and asked herself do I need this? Would I buy it again? If the answer was no she got rid of it. Her house became empty, no stuff no mess. So she downsized. Now she pays less bills, less cleaning, less organising, less Mortgage and can spend more time with her family. I thought it was an amazing idea!

Yes you are expected to support them, so they still cost money. But it is still less than 50% of kids who actually go to university. So not inevitable.
If childcare takes up a whole wage so you stay at home, you are still in effect "paying" for the lost salary which is expensive.

Tinklylittlelaugh you are forgetting that your kids will leave uni with less debt to repay and start their working lives with less debt than the child from the low income family.

So Another step up in life because you can afford to pay 4 or 5k per year as assessed. The fact is you do have that income to be able to pay as you are assessed as such and your kids benefit from this.

So why are you trying to make out that the lower income child at uni gets the better deal when they will leave with double the debt?

I paid for dcs driving lessons, car and insurance.

The alternative is dropping Dd at work at 2pm in East London yesterday then out at 3am today to collect her from work and doing the same today tomorrow and the next day

Sometimes what some would consider a choice is for others a necessity

I would do the same for my child.
But as a young adult living in London I caught public transport at very unsocial hours. It is not a necessity to give them a lift usually, but it is desirable. London is one of the few places where you can get public transport during unsocial hours.

We don’t have public transport in our area.

Very outskirts of North London/Herts borders.

We don’t even have pavements or street lighting.

Not everywhere in London is a few minutes from a tube station or a bus stop

Okay apologies. Yes if you have chosen to live somewhere without public transport, you have to facilitate teenagers access to things.