Necessities are things you cannot live without. Everything else is a luxury to one degree or another and having those things is a choice.
So, food and shelter and clothing and basic bills are necessitates. Some people don't have enough money monthly to pay for these. Msometimes that's because their income is simply insuffiencient to cover them. Other times they have insufficient money because they have spent some of their money on non-esssentials.
When people become better off, their idea of what is essential can change. It starts to include things which actually aren't essential - they might be desirable but they aren't essential and are actually a choice and a choice which can be economised on or even cut out fully if needed. The squeezed middle often struggle so I see these things as luxuries and choices because they are so much the norm in their social circles and possibly background.
Examples might include
- expensive extra curricular activities
- private school fees
- expensive private orthodontic work
- expensive holidays
- residential school trips
- tutoring
- leisure activities such as gym membership or National Trust
- music lessons
- meals out, coffee shop out
- donations to charity
All these things might be considered norms in lots of social circles and some seen as essentials. It's all fine if people have sufficient income to cover the genuine essentials plus these luxuries.
But what happens when finances change - you find yourself separated and on a smaller income, or moving from 2 to 1 income, or having a large debt which eats up a chunk of your money each month, or some other ongoing large expense that wasn't there before like childcare?
Surely then you prioritise the essential services and make sure you can pay your bill so nd buy food right up to next pay day. Surely then you look at the list of luxuries and see where you can reduce expenditure and move to cheaper versions or if needed cut them out altogether.
Surely you cut your cloth to meet your budget? So you accept that private orthodontist work for your teenager or an expensive hobbyis sadly not in your budget.......and these things aren't necessitates and a available to everyone.....not an entitlement of yourself or your children, but luxuries many go without without their lives being ruined.
Debt and financial stress are often cited as some of the biggest difficulties children in affluent families suffer......and suffer they do. Having expensive orthodontist treatment and lovely parties for 30 children don't compensate for growing up knowing your parents are stressed about paying the credit card bill or doing the last food shop of the of the month.
Sensible parents know what matters and what doesn't and don't get into debt or remain in debt because they are having a lifestyle beyond their means. They can recognise when something is a nice-to-have and even a nice-to-have that they used to have and can no longer afford or temporarily can't afford. They don't insisit that having it is non-negotiable or believe that their children will be scarred by not having it.
In the end, we can only have the lifestyle we can afford. Maybe when we were young and single we could eat out lots and have fab holidays and maybe when we were kids we wee privately educated and riding lessons. They aren't or E title nets andif we can't afford them, we either go without or know that by spending beyond our means, we will generate far worse financial problems in th future. And if we are now living with those far worse consequences of earlier spending beyond means, we have to cut back now or sink into worse problems later.
Very few things are essential. Most spending items can be economised on and savings made. When people aren't prepared to recognise that and to adjust their spending, they can't justifiably complain or be surprised or be disappointed to know later that their children found the impact of their financial choices difficult whilst growing up, not the pleasure those things were meant to bring.