CRINGE. Tales of teenage embarrassment to cheer me up...

[MissKittyFantastico84]

Hello MNers,

I'm currently on day three of a hospital stay and feeling pretty miserable about it so thought I'd start a thread to cheer me up.

Inspired by one of the things that make me laugh most - cringe moments from many years ago that you still feel, deep down in your very soul.

I'll go first so you know I'm not some lazy journo (nope, just a sick pissed off lady!) 🙂

NYE when I was about 19 - over at a guy's house I was sort of dating with a few of my and his mates. Let's call him Sam.

Sam gave us the tour of his house (lovely house), pointing out his mum's FAVOURITE african ornament that was on a shelf going up the stairs. How LOVELY!

Night was going well, all having fun. Me and my mate are in high spirits, being young and stupid, so for SOME REASON, start singing New York, New York by Sinatra and doing HIGH KICKS DOWN THE STAIRS.

Needless to say, I booted Sam's mum's favourite african ornament a good few feet in the air. It's head came off.

Did I own up? Did I bollocks. I 'hid' the statues head behind the statue, somehow hoping NO ONE WOULD NOTICE?

No one did, until the next morning.

We did not continue dating.

SO PLEASE - cheer me up. Tell me your shame from those oh so delicate and formative years!

xx

I was about 14 and wearing a strapless dress, I went through puberty at 11 so at that point the ‘girls’ were of substantial size🤣 it was hallowe’en and I answered the door to a toddler, I bent over to give him some sweets and my boob popped out and landed on his head🤣🤣

When platform soled shoes were fashionable the first time round, I went out for the evening feeling like the bees knees in my massive new platforms. At least, until I tripped on my stupid shoes and fell down the whole length of the staircase in a busy pub, in front of the lad I fancied more than anyone else in the whole world.

I wasn't hurt, so got straight up, and promptly fainted. Came round to find that not only did I have a crowd of people round me, but that I'd pissed myself. Needless to say, said lad was among them.

But that wasn't as embarrassing as my boyfriend's dad coming into the bedroom and catching us in flagrante delicto. I went out with that boyfriend for another 3 years, and don't think I looked his dad in the eye in all that time.

I was in my first job, aged 18, and got very friendly with one of my colleagues, who was 24 and married. Her husband was going away for work and she asked me if I wanted to stay at hers for the weekend and go to a party. I turned up to find one of the men from the office there and my friend said he was going to drive us to the party. We went to the party, got completely off our tits on booze, weed and poppers and ended up having a threesome back at her flat, which seemed a marvellous idea at the time. In the cold light of hungover Sunday it seemed less of a good idea and none of us had much to say to each other. I went home, went into work on Monday. They were being very normal, I was very quiet and one of the lads asked me what was wrong. So I blurted it all out to him. He looked horrified and said “Darling, how could you? They’re so ugly!”

Many, many years later, like about two years ago, we had a bright young thing start work with us. She had been to Cambridge, and the boss was being a bit of a knob about it. We had welcome drinks for her and were all asked to say what advice we would give her, in light of experience from our first job. Everyone was saying really dull stuff like, don’t stay late all the time. I was bored and a bit pissed, so I said “Don’t have a drink and drugs fuelled threesome with work colleagues. It can make the next morning a bit awkward.”

NYE, aged 17, mates and I blagged our way into a pub. I ended up entering (and winning) some sort of drinking contest that involved jugs of Bloody Mary being poured into your throat with a funnel.

Not long after, I felt a bit strange, so wandered outside for a nice lie down by the side of the road. My mates being the sensible sorts they are, found me and took me back inside for some medicinal tequila slammers ahead of the countdown to midnight.

Shortly after we saw in the New Year, they realised I was beyond repair and took me home, where I was handed to my dad, who had to undress me (including removing several postcards with phone numbers scrawled on them from my bra), and put me to bed.

At some point in the early hours, I came over a bit queasy, so did the logical thing, which was chunder in my bed. Not being a total animal, I no longer wanted to sleep there, so what else could I do, but climb in between Mummy and Daddy, coated in lumpy red vomit?

Needless to say, it wasn't the ideal start to the 2002 for them.

The best part of that story is that I actually still had bunk beds, so I could have just got in the other bunk.

Some of these stories have made me laugh so much! I have so many, here are three...

I practically lived at my boyfriend's house when I was 16/17 so was quite comfortable there and knew when it would be just us I knew his mum's rota well. One time he came back from work, having smoked a joint on the way home with a friend, we dtd (in his bed), and afterwards I told him I was going downstairs to grab some squash, threw on a strappy top nothing else and had descended maybe 3 or 4 of the stairs when I realised his mate was sat in the living room looking straight at me and my naked crotch!

A few years later, I was visiting a (new) boyfriend at his university halls. We ended up having quite a kinky weekend hidden away in his bedroom which was all going great until we removed a condom, had some oral sex but had to stop because my throat suddenly felt like it was tightening and I was starting to get a fat tongue. After about an hour it was only getting worse so off we went to a&e where they were insistent on me answering all my own personal questions, despite me sounding like Ross in the kiwi lime pie episode, and needing my bf to translate! I'll never forget the shame upon finally seeing a doctor who naturally asked what had happened and hearing my bf start with " ...well... there has been some oral sex" (doctors reply was "lucky man") and discovering it wasn't an anaphylactic reaction afterall but that the condom we had removed was covered with a numbing agent which my tongue had absorbed like a sponge!

Lastly, I was working in retail and had attended the Christmas party but drank far too much. Not realising this I proceeded to follow everyone who was going to a local Wetherspoons for more drinking.
-A lot of people cycled into work, myself included, so those that did retrieved their bikes and locked them up outside, and when there wasn't any space left one of the senior managers kindly offered to let me lock my bike to hers.
Well we all went in and bought our drinks, but that was about as far as it got for me because no sooner had I placed my drink down on the table than all of my previous drinking suddenly caught up with me and I had to make a dash for the toilets.
Unfortunately I must have been in there for longer than I realised because suddenly I had a bouncer knocking on the door of my cubicle and telling me it was time to leave! I hurriedly said my goodbyes to my colleagues and left to walk back to my bike but when I got back to the place I locked it up it been stolen I was so upset that I instantly started wailing and carried on blubbering all the way to a cash machine where I took out some money and then jumped into a cab.
About halfway home I suddenly started getting that feeling again, got the taxi driver to screech to a halt and I jumped out, spilling various possessions onto the pavement before being violently sick EVERYWHERE!
Not wanting to pay a soil fare I bid goodnight to the taxi driver and carried on walking the rest of the way home whilst continuing crying and mourning over my stolen bike.
I finally reach my flat and explain to my bf, in my drunken stupor, that my bike has been nicked. He puts me in the shower and offers to walk into town to double check. While his out I lie down and continue to vomit in the shower when suddenly it hits me- I'd actually gone back to work looking for the bike that I'd taken to Wetherspoons and locked up outside there!
Bf came home to confirm bike was not outside work, I told him where it actually was and off he went again. I continue to vomit and fall asleep in the shower.
Bf wakes me up when he returns, has made the bed up for me layered with towels and a sick bucket and helps me out of the shower for me to realise all that heavy heaving has caused me to shit myself (nothing ever got said between us about this but bf must have cleared this up).
I go to bed with the room still spinning, close my eyes for what feels like 10 minutes then suddenly remember I have to be up at 7 for an open, I inform my bf to which he replies "well it's half past already!". I pull on my uniform and cycle to work, very wobbly and end up having to do the whole of my shift hidden away in a stockroom because I can still barely stand and even water was making me vomit.
Sufficed to say my manager saw the funny side of it... the senior manager, who had left Wetherspoons before my bf retrieved the 'stolen' bike had had to walk home however, and she was less than impressed

I don't drink anymore.
The bf in the last two stories is now my husband!

These are so funny 😆, hope you're feeling better op .
When I was about 17 I was out drinking at a club with a guy I knew, he was driving so was drinking, I was drunk enough for both of us.
I needed a wee so he pulled the car over and off I wandered up the path that led to woods.
What I thought was part of the path was actually a, very deep, ditch filled with leaves which I fell into. The guy says he was watching me and I just disappeared.
He came to find me and had to climb into the ditch to give me a leg up. I peed on him as he was helping me out.

These are brilliant. It appears that alcohol, periods and poor clothing choices have a lot to answer for!

Aged 18, out with bf in his car, start feeling sick so he heads for my house. It's too late and I begin to violently throw up. I think that putting my hands up to catch the vomit will help, it doesn't! The force of being sick meant that I had sick all over myself, the car, inside my sleeves and all over my face thanks to some speed bumps. We get back to mine and I have to strip down uk my underwear in the porch and go to shower. Whilst I am showering, bf & my dad clean his car. Bf stays to look after me. Twice I had to go to the bathroom to be sick and twice I was so violently sick again, that I wet myself. We'd not been together long, so that was a real baptism of fire!

This was about my mother in the early 1970's when she was about 18, rather than me.
Her and my now dad went on a picnic/day out with his parents. Mum wore white, satin flares and platform shoes. Last minute, the parents in laws decided to see a waterfall & picnic there instead of the park. Mum said they walked, and walked, had the picnic, then returned to their separate cars.

On the journey home, she noticed blood in her crotch, seeping through the white flares. Realising that it wasn't her period, she felt down and found a leech on her inner thigh!!! She apparently stripped off the trousers, tore the leech off and threw the lot out the window- with the parents in law travelling in their car behind. All they saw was her bloodied trousers fly out the car window on the motorway! Back at home she was too embarrassed to see his parents, (she was extremely shy) so had my dad explain what had happened.

I was 12 years old and had a mad crush on a boy two years older than me. He would go and have a kick around with his mate in a playground just up the road. It was summer so I put on my very little denim shorts and a crop top, jumped on my bike and rode off to see if he was there. Much to my delight he was so I decided to ‘try’ and hang out with them. I crouched down on the tarmac chatting to my crush whilst re-tying my trainer laces and then I started sorting out my socks. It was at this point he said ‘I can see your pubes’.

I didn’t even know I had any! Cue me making excuses about needing to go to a shop and instead I rush home where I re-enacted my pose in front of the full length mirror. To my utter horror I realised that in a crouching pose the denim shorts revealed far more than I knew they did and had encouraged the gusset of my knickers to bunch up over to one side that meant not only had he seen my two new ‘pubes’ but also part of my labia that they were proudly displayed on.

I stayed away from him for a week while

A very shy 12/13, who had religious parents. I had to attend a church youth group once a week for a couple of years before you were eligible to be confirmed and take confirmation (bread and wine). Youth group was mixed and we had a weekend away at a nuns convent. Nuns spend most of the day in silence including meals times, que uncontrollable giggling from the girls. Evening came and we all gathered in one of the boys rooms and decided to play spin the bottle, lots of snogging and fondling ensued and I was too shy to say no!! If only the nuns knew what was going on!! Eventually we got told off for making too much noise and were sent to our own bedrooms, woke in the morning to find blood soaked sheets that gone through to the mattress. I'd unexpectedly started a period, I hastily stripped the bed and bundled the sheets in the corner of the room and turned the mattress over!!
I do wander what those nuns thought of us!!
After I got confirmed I persuaded parents that I was old enough to stay at home on Sunday mornings and have never been to church since!

LOL! And I thought I was a rebellious teen for cheating on a test at school....my parents were very fortunate and didnt even know it

I'm so glad I can't remember anything 😂😂😂

Horrible girl in my class spread rumours I (massive nerd) fancied unattainable cool boy. Walking into history class, wearing my backpack slung so low it bounced off my bum as you did in late 90s/early 00s, bag strap caught on the door handle causing me to swing round the door full pelt, straight into the arms of said boy. Obviously this became, in school legend, me literally throwing myself at him. I now find it hilarious though, and she remains a nob!

This isn't about teenage years but is rather cringe so I will share.

Last year my mum and I went house hunting in Spain - she wants a nice holiday home there.

Spanish estate agent is driving us round loads of houses, takes us to one that's locked up and empty inside, clearly the owners are long gone it's been empty for ages. Mum- who ate 3 courses and downed 2 glasses of wine at lunch - says I need the toilet NOW!!! Pushes past us and slams toilet door. We wait outside on the lawn for ages, no sign of mum. I go in and knock on the door, she comes bolting out and says I can't get the toilet to flush you try it, storms off and goes sits in the car. I go into the bathroom...
Toilet is full of the must awful pooh, absolutely stinks and loads of it, both firm and liquid pooh.
There's no toilet paper
I too can't get the toilet to flush, so I think get water from the sink.
Turns out the water supply has been turned off. (House is empty remember)
WTF am I gonna do now?????
Thank you very much mother!!!!!!
So after swearing loudly about the mess my mother has left me to sort out, I couldn't think of anything so I walked out, closed the bathroom door behind me, saying 'well, that's all sorted now, shall we go to see the next house?'. Spanish man locked the front door and we drive off in silence. I absolutely dread the next time someone opens that front door.
The. Shame.

I have lots...
I sleep walked out of a Rural Pub we were staying in after a heavy NYE. Woke up as the fire exit closed on me. In pants and a t shirt, I had to break in to a shed, steal a ladder and a broom, figure out what room I'd been staying in, and bang on the window until I woke my BF up. He looked very surprised to see me outside the window on the second floor.
Also, got caught having sex in a field, in a walk in fridge, in the changing rooms of the local pool, behind the train station shelter and on a park bench. It happened so many times, it became a joke! We had no personal space to sneak off to at our houses.
Walked in to a rough pub with my dress tucked in to my thong.
Got so drunk in a park age 14, I was comatose on a bench and remember lots of lads sitting on my bottom and pretending to do rude things to me.
First kiss with a new bf, we fell in to a privet hedge and went streight through in to someone's garden.
Last one, Got stoned with afew pals age 16, walked to a cake shop and proceeded to order, then eat 8 cream cakes while walking home! I must have looked a state, and pals went happy when I'd come back with no cakes!
I've done so much awful and embarrassing stuff,
I stole 1 size 15 Wellington boot from the doorway in the local pub, and inserted over the head of a massive swan statue in the carpark....it smelt of cow poo...I dont know what the poor farmer went home wearing on his feet, cant imagine it's easy finding size 15 footwear!

Never seen so many posts about piss blood and shit. Bizarre!

I threw up all over my then boyfriend father.
We had been out drinking and I was drunk.
I was staying at my boyfriend parents home in the spare room. I got into bed and then had that horrible sensation of the room spinning and feeling sick.
I got out of bed and staggered as fast as I could to the loo while desperately trying to hold the vomit down.
I burst through the bathroom door and I couldn't hold it any longer and thew up in the general direction of the toilet.
Unfortunately, his dad was sat on the loo at the time and got the lot.
To make matters worse I was starkers.
His mum came rushing in and tried to cover my dignity with a bath towel while his dad was stood like an explosion in a pizza factory.
It was er.... embarrassing.

@MissKittyFantastico84 I’ve really enjoyed this; good idea! Hope you are feeling better x

When I was about 15/16, I stayed over a friends house. We used to do an activity on a Friday night and a few of us would go to the pub afterwards. We never had a problem getting served alcohol in those days. And I was introduced to peach schnapps!

We walked back to my friends house afterwards and i Started throwing up in her mums toilet whole my friend was trying to explain to her mum that I’d had too much coffee 🤣🤣

God, how did I miss this thread back in January? Total gem, even if it's wrecked my get up early to do some work plans!

One for my brother...
He was 16 and had just started an apprentiship at a big car factory. Every Christmas they had a big raffle and every employee got entered into it, apprentices included. He was delighted when he won a massive bottle of whiskey, and they didn't bat an eye and let him take it home😂

Anyway, my mam and dad went out for a Christmas do and left him to babysit a 12 year old me. Brother cracked out the whiskey and I watched in horror as he downed at least 3/4 of it in his room.

When my parents came home all hell broke loose. A sea of sick on the bed, carpet, walls...the chest of drawers facing the end of his bed were always left a bit open, so the inside of the drawers got a dowsing too. He'd obviously tried to make it to the window as there was sick all down that and the kitchen window below.

After a week of my mam scrubbing trying to get the smell out, our parents had to get his room recarpeted and replace the furniture, new bedding and everything, it was all ruined. I don't remember them punishing him, it seems like it was its own punishment, plus they were glad he didn't die actually! 😬😬