CRINGE. Tales of teenage embarrassment to cheer me up...

[MissKittyFantastico84]

Hello MNers,

I'm currently on day three of a hospital stay and feeling pretty miserable about it so thought I'd start a thread to cheer me up.

Inspired by one of the things that make me laugh most - cringe moments from many years ago that you still feel, deep down in your very soul.

I'll go first so you know I'm not some lazy journo (nope, just a sick pissed off lady!) 🙂

NYE when I was about 19 - over at a guy's house I was sort of dating with a few of my and his mates. Let's call him Sam.

Sam gave us the tour of his house (lovely house), pointing out his mum's FAVOURITE african ornament that was on a shelf going up the stairs. How LOVELY!

Night was going well, all having fun. Me and my mate are in high spirits, being young and stupid, so for SOME REASON, start singing New York, New York by Sinatra and doing HIGH KICKS DOWN THE STAIRS.

Needless to say, I booted Sam's mum's favourite african ornament a good few feet in the air. It's head came off.

Did I own up? Did I bollocks. I 'hid' the statues head behind the statue, somehow hoping NO ONE WOULD NOTICE?

No one did, until the next morning.

We did not continue dating.

SO PLEASE - cheer me up. Tell me your shame from those oh so delicate and formative years!

xx

I did some awwwwwwwful things..

At a party with my two friends, party was at the home of a friend of these two friends... their parents were on holiday.

Someone got a strobe light out, some of us were significantly wankered and friend 1 crashed into me, I crashed into friend 2 and the ceramic blocks in the centre of the gas fire got smashed..

The three of us spent two weeks trying to track down (remember, none of us could drive, we were also all broke, aged 16/17, so this was on foot!) the replacement parts, for fear that friends parents would find out and friends big sister who was HELLA SCARY would kill us actually dead.

We did it with HOURS to spare, lots of shops had them... but we needed second hand with appropriate scorch marks on (I am sure in hindsight, new would have been FINE but again... we were not overly smart teenagers!).

On a bender with a mate in Wales... friend and I ended up going home with some older boys, who turned out to be major weed dealers. Got wasted, staggering home along the roads at 5am, we decided to wake up her step dad see if he'd make us breakfast.

He let us in, shouted at us, made us a bacon butty and went to work saying 'DON'T TOUCH MY WEED'..

We smoked the lot. We broke his bong. ..... And then we repaired it with superglue, badly, and replaced it and snuck off..

Later on he busted us and we got another bollocking... and then he said 'and you know if you hadn't tried to repair it, I would have assumed I'D broken it and never suspected a THING!'....

Same weekend - being driven home from Wales with my dad (who hadn't batted an eyelid at his 16 year old daughter disappearing off with older boys all night.. parent of the century.. not!)... we stop at a pub, a rural, out in the sticks pub...

I am still several shades of green and verily, off my stupid little head...

In walk the local morris side... half of them BLACKED UP AND COVERED IN FEATHERS...

I wet myself. I screamed. I ran outside and I was sick in the carpark.

My dad was just baffled, finished his pint and his lunch, came out, shovelled me back in the car and we went home and we never spoke of it again (nor did I mention my left hand was numb for two days..).

Aged 21... I took best mate to get his first tattoo. Bestie still lived with his parents (he's one of the two friends from story 1)... I asked if he had discussed with his very religious and saintly mother, the getting of the tattoo...

He had, he assured me, explained his decision, they were fine... like a TWAT i believed him.

Later on, I am at his house, rubbing Prep H over his HUGE new SLEEVE tattoo... in walks his mother. Sees the enormous black tattoo that covers probably 98% of her skinny son... FREAKS THE FUCK OUT... I open my gob and start explaining it looks worse than it is cos theres still ink all over his skin, assuming she KNEW but was just shocked at 'new tattoo' appearance...

She starts screaming abuse at me because of course he HADN'T told her, he'd left a fucking note saying he was THINKING about getting a tattoo...and she believes this is all MY work as im such a bad influence, I've pressured him into getting one RIGHT NOW.....

We are 40 now.. she still doesn't like me.

I’m dying with embarrassment even thinking about this. I was in the cadets and we used to go and to a disused fort to practice field craft. Anyway, this time there were only three girls and we were sleeping on the floor of the fort in our sleeping bags. The boys were in another room. Anyway, I woke up and was desperate for a poo, I had the poo sweats and everything. So, my 14 year old self thought it would be a good idea to curl out a giant 💩💩 in the fireplace in the adjoining room. When the instructor found it, she went ballistic and demanded to know who had done it but of course no-one owned up and I was too embarrassed to say it was me. I’m still ashamed more than 20 years later.

Oh I remember once I woke up in the night needing a poo when we were touring in a mobile home. We had parked overnight in a service station somewhere on the M6, alongside the high kerbs they have in these places. I quietly left the van and went to the services across the car park but they were closed; I realised I would have to poo outside so I grabbed some leaves, did my poo and crept back in to bed.

Next morning my mum opened the door to go across to the shop and was greeted with my massive turd and some shit covered leaves for some reason in my panicked and sleepy state I actually shit on our doorstep!

I was about 12/13 then I never did own up

I was 20, going to a posh wedding with my first boyfriend.
Very expensive bar meant we had taken our own vodka.
Stood around for ages between ceremony and actual reception while the bride and groom had photos etc so necked both full two 35cl bottles I had in my bag ( classy-I know). Desperate for a wee I hurried to the toilet but unfortunately didn't make it and wet myself as I entered the cubicle. Put wet knickers(wrapped in loo paper) in my bag and decided I'd go comando.
3hours and a further few (expensive)vodkas and a bottle of wine later I decided to tell and show everyone that I truly had no knickers on.

Same boyfriend. Went to his flat for drinks. Poo wouldn't flush so I put it wrapped in my bag. After a few drinks I forgot about poo and told him to check my bag for some change when he was short of cash for the pizza delivery. Yes... he noticed and picked put the mound of paper...

We. went to stay for the night with a family I think my Dad knew through work, in Germany. All nice and fine till after my shower in the morning I went to dry off and my period had started without me knowing, I left a huge red smear on the white towel.

I didn't know what to do and I certainly wasnt going to my Dad for advice on that, or my step mum, so I just threw it in the laundry hamper and hoped never to see them again.

Omg, this reminds me of the time when I was 16 I was straddled atop my boyfriend having sex, when his mum, extremely drunk, entered the bedroom, and proceeded to sit herself on the edge of the bed and talk to us.... For half an hour!! I was totally naked and kind of just covered myself in a sheet. We were trapped like that, trying to get her to FO!!

Got very drunk after “the love of my life” didn’t turn up to a house party. The super hunk of the school notice I was drunk and so after getting more drunk with me we found an empty room. I just passed out on the bed. I woke up to scream and shouting. Turns out he had tried to have his way with me but was drunk her couldn’t get it up so went back the party to ask for help. He found my crush and needless to say he was pissed. He beat the snot out of him. 3 months later crush and I snuck up to the roof of the youth club (stone cold sober this time) and had the most uncomfortable sex known to mankind. What a way to welcome the new millennium.

my parents esp my mum were very strict i was an unexpected bonus to older parents and one of these things that was a strict no no was drinking. anyway the one night i got so wasted took me ages to get in the front door forgot the dog always slept bottom of the stairs so i tripped over her fell up half the stairs then proceeded to empty my stomach contents over the remaining stairs! mum by now had got out of bed and was not amused!

one evening went out with a lad and cheapskate he was took me to a village hall where the local PTA was holding a dance. as time went on i was desperate for a wee but the toilets were full so we went out in the carpark and i squatted by his car. forgot that i had a pad on but was the end of my period so when i fell out my knickers i kicked it under his car. unfortunately it went straight through and out the other side. later on people came into the hall saying how disgusting someone had left a sanitary pad in the car park! i never owned up

God, this is centuries ago, but I had a bit of a crush on a chap who used to come into the shop where I had a Saturday job. One day he asked me out. I was so flustered and panic stricken I told him I couldn’t because was emigrating to America. Except that we lived in quite a small village and the chances of running into him were pretty high. From that day forward I had to hide whenever he came into the shop. I think I may have given up the job shortly afterwards....

Age 14 & feeling so clever after walking out of school unnoticed & bunking off school for the afternoon period. Getting all the way to the station unnoticed while still in full school uniform. Feeling really clever with ourselves for actually getting on the train undiscovered and on our way to meet some boys. Train passed by 3 stops and pulls into the fourth and who is standing on the platform? None other than the Headteacher & Deputy Head who unbeknown to us were on their way to a conference. We slid down onto the floor and crawled our way along the carriage, opening the doors and through into the next and the next. We jumped off at the next station, hid, waiting for the train to go past and then got on the next, ecstatic that again we’d got away unnoticed. We met the boys had a great afternoon and all was good!!!
That was until the next morning when during usual registration the Headteacher & Deputy came marching in and promptly interrupted to call our names out in front of everyone. Needless to say we were marched off, interrogated, parents called and a Saturday detention in school uniform followed!!!

we were about to dtd when he threw my legs round him in bed, I farted.. then laughed so hard I coughed myself sick and wet myself!

That made me absolutely fall about laughing 😂

When I was a teen, my mates and I went to the local swimming pool. I was surprised to see my brother in there with his mates but I was so pleased I saw him before he saw me. I schemed to get revenge for all the mean things he'd ever done to me . I swam underwater and pulled his trunks down hoping to embarrass him.

Turned out it wasn't my brother. Just some poor kid who looked a bit like him. My mates thought it was hilarious but I was mortified.

A friend was babysitting for her cousin and invited us round. It was just after Christmas so the house had loads of booze and food in to which we helped ourselves. After a few drinks we had a food fight and threw trifle at each other in her newly decorated living room. It was on the walls, the curtains, all over the furniture and the carpet, We were fourteen and I remember them coming home and throwing us out, screaming at us.

New Years Eve, Aged 17, with best mate staying over at her bf's mothers house. We were in mother's room. So pissed we couldnt get out of bed (room spinning) so we opened the window and spewed into the flower pots under window. We weren't asked to stay over again..........

I might have told this story on MN before....I was seventeen and alcohol had never passed my lips. Went to a party with my slightly older boyfriend and was introduced to homemade peach wine. Big mistake as after 3 glasses was completely legless. When boyfriend drove me home he virtually threw me out into the front garden. Everybody was in bed so I crept into my bedroom, threw myself across my bed and vomitted copiously.....all over my parents' friends who I had forgotten were staying the weekend! Should have bunked up with my sister......to this day I cannot stomach anything peach flavoured except the fruit itself.

Too many.....

Aged 17 I was banned from seeing my boyfriend at the time. Determined to see him on Christmas day evening, I told my parents I was going to walk to "Jenny's house" as she was having Christmas drinks. The plan was actually for my boyfriend to meet me up the road where we would sit in his car listening to mellow magic and dream up ways to "be together". My parents obviously smelled a rat as my dad insisted on driving me there and then waited outside for me to go in. I had no choice but to knock on Jenny's door, , where her entire family were assembled. I should say at this point in the story that I barely knew Jenny, and she obviously was puzzled and embarrassed that i had turned up to "wish her a happy Christmas" randomly. I must have looked like such a weirdo.

The time aged 15 i briefly dated a boy a few years older than me. We went to the pub together and being 15, i had barely had anything to drink other than alcopops but I desperately wanted to look grownup so when he asked me what I wanted to drink, I said vodka. He asked me what I wanted it with, I had no idea you generally have vodka with a mixer and thought he was asking me if I wanted more than one drink at a time so said "just vodka is fine thanks" and couldn't understand why he was calling me a savage as I sat there sipping my delicious glaas of NEAT VODKA.

When we were 19 I think, I went on holiday with a couple of friends to Rhodes. We decided to swim round a bay, through some rocks, out to sea and then back in. I don’t know what I was thinking, I swim like a brick!.

Anyway I got through the gap, only to see a massive boat coming in. I panicked and headed to the rocks to wait out the boat, climbed on them and sat down. BIG MISTAKE! To this day I don’t know wtf was on the rocks, but it hated me stung me on the arse and my legs started going numb. I screamed to my bemused friends. They went to shore and borrowed an inflatable, came back and got me.

They and a few kind souls on the beach took me to the local pharmacy, as there was no doctor nearby. Pharmacist didn’t speak English, friends kept pointing at my bum. He just looked confused, in the end my friends pulled down my bikini bottoms and showed my arse to half of Rhodes. He saw the stings and gave me an antihistamine and I was fine in half an hour. SO mortified!

Nothing half as bad as on here, but I remember being 13, and in Portugal. I was a very, child like teenager in terms of looks - very flat chested. But the life guard was extremely good looking and I, for some ridiculous reason, thought I could woo him by erm, running past him and flicking my hair like a Bond girl. Did this dozens of times - all in slow motion I might add. Until my dad shouted over to me ‘Tunnocks, stop dicking around and come out your sun screen on’

In my teens after a really heavy night's drinking, I crawled out of my bed to go to the loo. As I reached the end of the bed I saw a huge, red stain on the cream carpet --- I had been drinking cherry b and cider. I had no recollection of puking. In a panic, I wondered how the hell I was going to tell mum. Eventually I plucked up the courage and said, " mum, I've got something to tell you". She looked at me in a very concerned way. " I've thrown up on the bedroom carpet." She said, " Oh thank God for that, I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant".

This thread is amazing.

I was 19 and really into the band suede. I went to a suede gig then flirted with bouncers to get into the after party.

It was a free bar.

Ended up chatting to Brett and his girlfriend who were lovely and fed me long island ice tea.

We all went back to Brett Anderson's house and drank champagne. Which it turns out doesn't agree with me.

I vomited for 3 hours in his loo. Then walked into his bedroom where him and his gf were hugging and lifted up the blanket.

Mumbled then passed out on the sofa in the living room with my pants and tights round my ankles.

I woke up and knicked his radio head cd (still drunk)

As I left I saw that the chemical brothers were his neighbor and drunkenly shouted hello at them.

Sitting at the dinner table with the very stern and unwelcoming parents of my boyfriend, absolutely minding my manners. Unfortunately, their dog found the condom we used had earlier in the afternoon when the house was empty and came bounding down the stairs with it in his mouth, proudly dropping it at the dad's feet with his waggy tail wagging away....I could have DIED

At 8 years old we went to America and I bought a swimming costume. Five years’ later I was queuing for a dive board wearing the same swimsuit. It was tight. The kid standing next to me pointed out that my (budding) breasts had escaped either side of the fabric. Mortified is not the word. Forty years later I am still blushing. Oh and that might have been the first time I have ever told that story.

I used to be a carer & was on a 12 hour shift. We always had a handover between early & late shifts. They were as boring as hell & could go on forever. I was starting to feel tired so stretched my legs out in front of me. As I lifted my legs up I did the loudest longest fart ever which followed with a fanny fart. All the staff were in stitches & I was mortified! My friend followed me around all afternoon taking the piss out of me!

Being given Baileys on Millennium eve after saying I couldn't drink it as it made me sick. I spent most of the evening with my head down the loo my now husband had to come and chat through the door after finding me. x

Love these!

When I was about 20 I went on a night out with then boyfriend and friends, drinking far too much as per. Woke up in the morning and found weird specks of blue stuff in my hair. Couldn't figure it out and forgot about it.....until a few weeks later when boyfriend told me his brother had received a bollocking for spewing blue sick down the side of the spare bed. Brother couldn't remember anything but duly accepted it was him.

Still can't remember a thing but I assume it was me as I'd been on the Blue WKD's all night.