CRINGE. Tales of teenage embarrassment to cheer me up...

[MissKittyFantastico84]

Hello MNers,

I'm currently on day three of a hospital stay and feeling pretty miserable about it so thought I'd start a thread to cheer me up.

Inspired by one of the things that make me laugh most - cringe moments from many years ago that you still feel, deep down in your very soul.

I'll go first so you know I'm not some lazy journo (nope, just a sick pissed off lady!) 🙂

NYE when I was about 19 - over at a guy's house I was sort of dating with a few of my and his mates. Let's call him Sam.

Sam gave us the tour of his house (lovely house), pointing out his mum's FAVOURITE african ornament that was on a shelf going up the stairs. How LOVELY!

Night was going well, all having fun. Me and my mate are in high spirits, being young and stupid, so for SOME REASON, start singing New York, New York by Sinatra and doing HIGH KICKS DOWN THE STAIRS.

Needless to say, I booted Sam's mum's favourite african ornament a good few feet in the air. It's head came off.

Did I own up? Did I bollocks. I 'hid' the statues head behind the statue, somehow hoping NO ONE WOULD NOTICE?

No one did, until the next morning.

We did not continue dating.

SO PLEASE - cheer me up. Tell me your shame from those oh so delicate and formative years!

xx

I remember being about 17 and my parents went out for the evening, so I naturally immediately invited over a guy I was seeing..we were just kissing and I barely touch him ahem down there before he jizzed all over my mums new fluffy sofa cushions. It was everywhere, literally a fucking puddle of semen.

I remember frantically trying to clean them but I was making it worse and the fluff was just clumping into a paste and ended up with bald patches all over them.

The next day my mum was asking who'd spilled something on the cushions and was trying to work out what it was, with her nose buried into said pillow and then mentioned that whatever it was it was sticky.

Still cringe so hard when I think of my mums nose in that pillow.

Another one that still makes me laugh (because it was embarrassing for my friend and not me). Coming back from a party, a few of us were going to stay at my friends house - let’s call him Tom. Tom had a very strict mum, and most people in our group had taken something naughty during the night - I don’t remember what but something Tom must have felt worried about his mum noticing. I want to say mushrooms but I can’t be sure. The whole walk home, Tom was giving us a big lecture about how important it was that his mum didn’t notice, and giving us tips on how to make sure she didn’t notice, behaviour he thought would be un-suspicious, a list of things not to do etc. We arrived and his mum opened the door. The rest of us all stood there fine, smiled normally, while Tom, before his mum had had a chance to say a word, screamed “F**K OFF MUM, I’M NOT ON DRUGS!!!!!”, barged past her, ran up the stairs at the speed of light, and slammed his bedroom door so loudly that the house shook. I don’t remember now what we did or what she said but it still makes me laugh years later.

Oh and another one...out with my boyfriend aged 19, absolutely blind drunk by the time we got back to his place (he lived at home still). Zero recollection of the night before.

Loud knock on the bedroom door the next morning, bf goes and answers. It was his mum waving my pants at him that I'd left down in the lounge the night before. Absolutely mortified!

To make it even worse that lady is now my MIL. Thankfully she's a legend and didn't hold it against me.

Oh goodness, how long have you got?

The time I bought a gorgeous short skirt suit at 17 and was sitting across from my boss at a night out and forgot there was no back to my chair (it was a stool) so when I leaned back I ended up on the floor legs akimbo.

Or the time I had a holiday romance but came on my period and decided to have a shower after we'd done the deed. Leant back to enjoy the water, grabbed the shower curtain and ended up pulling the shower curtain and pole off the wall and landed in a soggy heap. He didn't get his deposit back.

So so many.

I was 21, fresh out of a crap relationship and feeling reckless. Was in the local pub with my dad, chatting to one of his friends (he was older than me but younger than dad, somewhere in the middle) I thought he was gorgeous, had always had a bit of a crush on him. Anyway we both ended up rather drunk and were talking about how we had the week off work and nothing to do. We decided to go to Brighton together the next day. I barely knew this guy but thought this was a great idea. So we get to Brighton, share a double bed; no sex on night one but a fair bit of kissing and cuddling. This is going to progress I think, brilliant. Next night we go out and I try to match him drink for drink, end up so pissed the room is going round in circles, puke up all over the bed, the floor and the suitcases and well you know, we never did have sex and the rest of the week was a tad awkward with him being polite because we were there, but also being fully pissed off at me for being so awful!! I haven't spoken a word to him since we came home - over 20 years ago!

He is still friends with my dad but I stopped drinking in the local a year or so after that so don't see him often thank god

I fell for it when my teacher asked me to go and ask another one for an 'extended weight'
I felt like a right dick when I realised and refused to go back to my lesson until the teacher promised she would make sure no one laughed at me or said anything!

Fenella -
Yes, quite likely popped up before, I heard it about 22 years ago! Still makes me laugh tho😀

Just remembered another horror...
I must have just turned 15 as was at a family friends house for NYE, adults gone to pub leaving us teens in the house - with a drinks cabinet ..
There was a new chocolate liqueur out
(possibly Cadbury’s..?) which tasted just like liquid chocolate, couldn’t taste the alcohol at all.. Anyway, I made light work of this ‘harmless’ chocolate drink and we all piled out to do ‘first-footing’ at midnight when the pub-goers returned.
I remember my legs going from under me when the cold air hit me and then crawling up the stairs with a hall full of people silently watching me going up a stair and slithering back down 2 stairs..
I almost made it to the loo - but the sheer fountain of chocolatey vomit that flew from me surprised everyone!😳 especially me!! There was just SO much of it, it was flying out of my mouth like The Exorcist and pouring from my nose, mixing with my tears and dripping from my hair. The mess on this poor lady’s landing was horrendous! How on Earth I didn’t taste the alcohol in the bloody stuff, I don’t know... you could certainly smell it!
We never did spend anymore NYEs at her house and I still cringe at that 40 year old memory.
I back away from anyone with a bottle of cream liqueur..

God. There are many.

My best one has to be when I was 14 I dated this rich guy (same age) who went to a very well known prestigious private boys school. He was far more down to earth than what his parents were. We actually dated for 4 years.

But when I was 17 he and his mates thought it would be a good idea for around 15 of us to go to a NYE party at a local fancy bar near to their school. Somehow they managed to get us all tickets (at bloody £50 a head! Gulp) and even though we were all underage we were let in.

Once inside we were given lots and lots of free champagne coming out in flutes on trays. My boyfriend and I had had a mini argument beforehand so I was chatting to his mate who was encouraging me to down lots of drink.

Long story short by about 9pm I was as pissed as a fart. I think I was drinking to get some confidence around his snooty friends. I was already seen a the ‘common kid’ for not attending a private school.

Minutes later I felt a bit ick. Ran to the toilet which happened to be at the back of the bar and of course they would make it that I had to walk through the restaurant part too.

I didn’t make it in time and projectile vomited in the middle of the restaurant and it went everywhere and it was packed. People must have thought I was so grim.

Moments later I got chucked out and my parents picked me up and my boyfriend ditched me. We broke up later that year..

@Yabadee..im howling 😂

on one of the first ‘dates’ with my boyfriend when we were 14 we were crossing a busy road across from the bus station to get to the shops, and i slipped in the middle of the road. it was close to christmas so there were people everywhere, and loads of traffic, and i was so embarrassed that the only logical thing i could think to do was just lie in the middle of the road 🙈 the lights changed to green and i still lay there as cars honked and people rushed over to check on me. someone fetched a first aider from the nearest shop and they came running out with a medical kit and one of those silver heat blankets. it was only when an ambulance was mentioned that i made a miraculous recovery and leapt up from the ground. it makes me cringe 14 years later and my boyfriend still howls with laughter whenever he thinks about it.

My DS was 9 months old when I bought my first house. It had been empty for months. I was in there cleaning, wearing a vest and a crabby old pair of joggers when a window cleaners van pulled up outside - he'd obviously seen that the house was now occupied and was touting for business. I went to the door followed by DS crawling behind me. The window cleaner was running through his prices when DS decided to pull himself upright by hanging onto the back of my joggers. He was almost upright when he sat down suddenly, dragging my joggers and knickers down with him, leaving me flashing my unmanicured bush at the poor window cleaner. He left abruptly and never came back.

Where do I even begin?

On holiday with my mum, dad, two sisters, uncle, aunt and three (thankfully) female cousins. We went to a water park one day. I was feeling all grown up despite only being 15 and so wore my new tie side bikini. I’ve blocked out precisely which family members were in the pool at the bottom of the overly powerful water slide I came down and mostly just recall the man in his 60s picking my bikini pants which I hadn’t even realised had come off until I resurfaced! Unfortunately, he was about 20ft away from me by the time I’d spotted them and in the shallower part of the pool, cue a very awkward squatty walk to try and retrieve them!

Being on revision leave whilst doing my A Levels, my mum would often come into my room and pull the curtains open before she went out to work of a morning to try and coerce me into getting out of bed and start revising (it never worked). Knowing I had the house to myself, most mornings would start with a little bit of ‘self love’. Mid-wank, I heard a noise at the window and opened my eyes to see the window cleaner appear. Never have I lost momentum that quickly before!

Aged 20, I was living in a house at uni with some of the people I’d been in halls with. There were 5 of us in total, 3 girls and 2 boys. I’d gone out with a bf and some of his rugby mates one night only to get really pissed, so much so that he pretty much had to carry me back to the house. Unsurprisingly, I was sick down my dress, getting it all in my hair and basically just being a right mess. The bf managed to get me upstairs and into the bathroom of my house. It must’ve been the early hours as everyone else was in bed. I was literally dumped in the shower by my bf who took my dress, bra and knickers off and went and threw them in the washing machine leaving me to try and sober up in the shower. I don’t really remember this but was told, with a lot of laughter, that I must’ve tried to hold onto or grab the shower curtain for support because the crash I made falling out of the bath, pulling the curtain off the rail, was sufficiently loud to cause two of my housemates (one boy and one girl) to come rushing out to see what had happened, only to find me soaking wet and stark naked lying on the floor like a starfish, still with vomit in my hair and make up smeared down my face looking like Kiss gone wrong!

At least I wasn’t my little sister though who had moved back in with my parents after splitting with her bf. A month or so after she found a new place and had moved out, my dad decided to clear out the room she’d stayed in and bagged up some stuff to keep and things to chuck out. He sent her a photo of a dildo he’d found and asked if she wanted it back! 🤮

When I was about 15 I was walking home from school with my friend and some boys from our year group.

A huge dog ran towards us (I am fucking terrified of dogs). I done the obvious thing and jumped on to a garden wall until the dog left. Once it was gone I jumped down however, my school skirt impaled on one of the spokes on the fence and when I landed the skirt was up above my head and my arse and knickers were on show to the world.

For the life of me I could not get that skirt down off the spike and friend couldn’t help as she was trying not to piss herself from laughing.

I still live in the same town and if I have to go down that street I feel the old teenage embarrassment lingering.

This is all excellent. 😂

Why are these stories so funny????

LOVE the one about just lying in the road.

When I was 18 I went to a club with a big group of friends, male and female, and was chatted up by a guy who looked OLD to me (was probably all of 25). We ended up dancing a bit and he went to pick me up and spin me around, and I said 'don't, I'm heavier than I look!' (true - at the time I was a size 12 but weighed 13 stone!) - he was fairly hench so rolled his eyes and lifted me anyway - up over his head, then in what felt like slow motion staggered, staggered, staggered... and dropped me in the middle of the dance floor, landing full length on top of me. Vaguely remember looking up to see my friends staring down at me in a mixture of horror and fascination. I spent the rest of the night running away from him while he tried to buy me a drink. This was over ten years ago and is still periodically brought up by people. May have shaped my lifelong aversion to clubbing...

I was about 17 and was very very drunk with a guy I had been seeing for about a month. We went back to his house and it was going to be the first time we had had sex. So we had very drunken, loud, lots of rolling around sex and then both kinda passed out from drunkenness. I woke in the morning to what only can be described as a murder scene. Literally blood over both of us, the duvet, the pillows, all over the mattress..... I had come on a very heavy period obviously while we were having sex. It was absolutely horrific. I didn't know what to do, so I legged it! The only contact I had was a text saying 'you ruined my brand new mattress my mum went mad' and then I never heard from him again.

Remembered another one 😂

I was about 14, just hit puberty and very self conscious of body changes.

My dad was taking us to a big swimming complex with big slides in his home city and I had bought a lovely pink bikini for the occasion and was feeling quite brave.

Got into the water and my dads facial expression turned from happy to somewhat horrified. I looked down and the (admittedly very cheap) lovely bikini had gone completely see through!!! You could see EVERYTHING.

I had to slowly edge out of the pool and back to the changing area with my dad inching in front of me trying to protect my modesty then sit on the side and watch everyone else having fun.

I was 15, doing work experience, developed a huge crush on a guy who worked there. Somehow we got involved in flirty banter and he encouraged him to phone him at work after I finished work experience. Which I did....for months. Eventually he left that job. After some scarily stalkerish behaviour I phoned him at home. Someone else answered the phone and said to him I was on the phone, I then heard him say 'I'm not in'. I was crushed.

Now I think back and still cringe so badly.

Oh I have another one.

Again was about 19ish. The guy I was seeing at the time and I went home to mine after a night out and drunkenly got down to business. After a while I remember him saying something isn’t right here turn the light on a minute.

Blood. Everywhere. And not from me! He hadn’t felt pain until we saw the blood. Cleaned up a bit and jumped in a taxi to a&e, where we were told we had snapped his foreskin. He got all wrapped up as if he had a nappy on, as we left he said you might have washed your face. Yes, blood all over my face.

We still kept seeing each other for a while, more friends with benefits than anything, but I really remember him fondly. No one has ever made me laugh so much!

@cricketmum84 I’d have been absolutely mortified by this at 14 too but am doing my damnedest now to ensure my DD doesn’t grow up with the same insecurities I did.

I pmsl at the jizzy cushion one!
I remember being about 14 and coming on in school, I used to just start heavy rather than build up from spotting. Anyway, instead of excusing myself to the loo I was too embarrassed and hoped I could wait til end of lesson. I couldn’t and when blood started dripping on the floor I legged it to the toilet.

This thread is hilarious, please keep it going

I had sex with a then boyfriend at about 14 on a trip away with my parents. Didn’t realise if you left a light on in a tent you got a shadow. Could barely look at my parents for weeks

Also my mum came to help me pack up my university room when I moved from halls to my flat. Found my vibrator. Then found all the BDSM gear. Super awkward.

1980s. You know. THAT fashion era. I was in the local video shop, acting all cool & nonchalant as there was a lad I fancied in there. I was wearing my Frankie Says vest top with the roomy arm holes, cropped denim shorts, opaque tights, monkey boots. I thought I looked the business.

Fit Guy spots me and shouts me. I turn round quite quickly and my not unsubstantiatial right boob shoots out of the side of my Frankie vest into full view of everyone in the shop, including Fit Guy.

I just kind of popped it back in and skunk out of the place.

FML. Just remembered the time I was sick everywhere outside a v. posh wedding at about 14. Even to this day I swear it was the mushroom soup rather than the alcohol I was downing. No water available on the tables but a bottle of wine each