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Original poster

Alcohol Anxiety help

109 replies

CH79 · 11/01/2020 14:54

Hi

Title says it all really.
I feel so awful after having a night out. My anxiety is horrendous. I feel so upset. Ashamed of myself. Just awful. Guilty. This lasts for a few days.
I don't go out particularly often, but when I do I don't know when to stop.
I feel like I've let my husband down today. But for no obvious reason. I feel guilty for enjoying myself.
I didn't do anything wrong, I just drank quite a lot. I hate myself today.
Why do i feel like this?
Is stopping drinking the only way to stop this?
Am I the only one who feels like this?
I feel like I need to talk to someone. But not sure what I'd say.
I feel everyone is judging me, when in fact they probably don't give a toss.

Advice please.

OP posts:
mrsbyers · 11/01/2020 14:56

Because alcohol is a depressant and you have the beer fear - you’ll feel better tomorrow

MmmMalbec · 11/01/2020 14:57

Yeah I always feel like this too. It passes after a few days, unless you’ve actually done something really bad! You’ve either got to learn to accept it or stop drinking I guess!

Member984815 · 11/01/2020 14:57

I get this too , for no reason I'll go through everyone I spoke to and everything I did . I'll torture myself . I'm doing dry January at the minute . Can't offer any advice only that I know how you feel

Original poster
CH79 · 11/01/2020 14:57

It takes me a few days to get over it.

Then I'm fine until I go out again. Then repeat...

I just can't keep feeling like this every time.

OP posts:
puguin86 · 11/01/2020 14:58

Me to. I'm going to quit I have bad depression anyone and it makes me worse

Original poster
CH79 · 11/01/2020 14:58

I know. I think I probably need to stop.
I have no control.

OP posts:
sarahb083 · 11/01/2020 15:03

Hi OP, the only thing that's worked for me is setting a strict limit on myself when I go out. I now have no more than six units - three doubles or six singles, which is quite a few drinks! It has taken a while to be able to do this consistently, but I feel so much better now. Not only do I not get the post-drink anxiety, but I feel much less anxious overall. I don't think there's anything you can do other than drink less, unfortunately, as it's probably the alcohol that's causing this feeling.

userxx · 11/01/2020 15:07

You have hangxiety. What were you drinking? Wine does this to me 😞

lolaflores · 11/01/2020 15:09

I stopped because beingike this was no longer worth it. Bot one si goes night out was worth how shite I felt afterwards.
I do t miss alcohol because I dont miss the awful depression which compounded my bipolar condition.
I know I have lost certain aspects of relationships because of it but if that's the case, they weren't proper friends then.
My real valuable friends never once pressure me to or make any comments
Life is infinitely better 8nyears down the road. I am in charge. I feel like a stable person and can rely on myself to behave in a way I am happy with.
Bin the drink off. You won't miss it.

Original poster
CH79 · 11/01/2020 15:14

userxx - started with a bottle of fizz then gin. It doesn't matter what I drink. It's the same. I just don't know when to stop.

lolaflores - I wish I could just bin it off. I think I probably need to. But I do think I'd miss it.
I definitely feel its not worth it though.

OP posts:
Wineloffa · 11/01/2020 15:15

Too much gin does this to me but it usually only lasts a day, you’ll be fine tomorrow.

Original poster
CH79 · 11/01/2020 15:16

It'll last a few days. 😔

Did anyone talk to their partners about it?

OP posts:
Horehound · 11/01/2020 15:16

Yes, the fear.
Stop drinking so much..

Original poster
CH79 · 11/01/2020 15:17

I don't intend to drink too much! I just can't say no!

OP posts:
Binting · 11/01/2020 15:18

I used to call it my spiritual hangover. I felt very much like you do right now when I drank and realised it just wasn't worth feeling like that for days afterwards. I gave up drinking completely in April 2018 as controlling my drinking was impossible. I don't have an "off" switch. It was a difficult thing to do. I went to a couple of AA meetings in a very grim community hall which put me off that route, then went it alone. Thankfully 0.5% beers aren't bad these days and I quite like Nosecco as a low alcohol drink at family do's. I sleep much better now and feel better about myself in general. The trade off for not having hangovers and the fear has been absolutely worth it for me.

Original poster
CH79 · 11/01/2020 15:20

Binting - did you speak to you family & friends?
I feel like I need some support.
I'm like you, no off switch.
Most of my social life is drink related too.

OP posts:
Pukkatea · 11/01/2020 15:21

Think of it as being drunk is borrowing happiness from the following day. Ignore whatever your mind is trying to tell you and assert in your head that this is just the post booze hangxiety talking.

lolaflores · 11/01/2020 15:24

Yiu have a choice. But, well being does not land at your feet. It takes work and discipline to arrive at a place where you are in charge and not a hostage to hangovers.
If u dont try and only have the feeling you will miss drink, then that's not a theory that has been properly tested. It's fear of .missing out.

You'll come to it when you're ready and ot before. But if u think that controlled drinking is something u can do then you are going to repeat this process a few more times which is a waste of time

SquishyLint · 11/01/2020 15:29

Me too, exactly the same. And most of my mates. We call it “beer fear”.

Binting · 11/01/2020 15:30

CH79 I hid my concerns from family and friends in the end because a bottle or half a bottle of wine a night is normal for most of them. Whenever I mentioned that I thought I was drinking too much it was dismissed with "well you only drink the same as us, you worry too much..."

Talking about drinking with some people highlights their own consumption and people also fear losing a drinking buddy (I certainly was one of their best drinking buddies!)

That said, the people around you could be completely different. I did confide in my sister after I went to my first AA meeting and after she stopped laughing at me Hmm, she became quite supportive.

Original poster
CH79 · 11/01/2020 15:34

You sound like me Binting. My friends are all big drinkers.
I have told my husband how I feel awful every time. But he didn't really say much. I don't know what he can say really.
I just feel so ashamed of myself.

How do you cope in social situations where everyone is drinking?

OP posts:
Binting · 11/01/2020 15:35

Also, just because the city centre AA meeting I went to was in a grim building doesn't mean one near you would be the same. The AA meetings were invaluable as I knew from the people who shared their stories that I could do it too. In fact the people were wonderful. If I could find a nicer AA venue near me i probably would go, and if i felt i was having a wobble i would definitely go back to the one i went to for support.

Original poster
CH79 · 11/01/2020 15:36

Do you have to actually talk at a meeting, as in could you just sit at the back for the first time!

OP posts:
lolaflores · 11/01/2020 15:40

I enjoy the evening until people start talking nonsense at which point I slide out. I focus on me enjoying myself.
I have a theory that much of my drinking was to help cope with insecurity about myself. Take the edge off my discomfort and deal with the carnage of a night out which I really wasnt enjoying but told myself I really was.
Its no ones business as to why u dont drink. U dont ever have to justify. And its usually someone projecting their own problem