Alcohol Anxiety help

[CH79]

Hi

Title says it all really.
I feel so awful after having a night out. My anxiety is horrendous. I feel so upset. Ashamed of myself. Just awful. Guilty. This lasts for a few days.
I don't go out particularly often, but when I do I don't know when to stop.
I feel like I've let my husband down today. But for no obvious reason. I feel guilty for enjoying myself.
I didn't do anything wrong, I just drank quite a lot. I hate myself today.
Why do i feel like this?
Is stopping drinking the only way to stop this?
Am I the only one who feels like this?
I feel like I need to talk to someone. But not sure what I'd say.
I feel everyone is judging me, when in fact they probably don't give a toss.

Advice please.

Can I also recommend Annie Grace and the Alcohol Experiment? It’s worked for me.

OP, in the short term take a few minutes out today and find a mindfulness exercise on self compassion and forgiveness; it'll help to ground you a bit and you can practice it as many times as you need to (even escape to the loo if necessary). There are tons of them on YouTube, or scripts you can download, apps you can get.

Longer term - I can testify as someone who knows exactly what you're going through. I can also say that it wasn't until I chose to stop abusing my body and mind with too much alcohol I realised how much harm I was doing to myself and my relationship with my DC's (who're much older than yours).
In the 10 years since I stopped drinking I haven't needed anti depressants and I haven't had any treatment or time off work for depression or anxiety. That effect was pretty instant so it was the impetus to carry on. I also stopped with the introspection and self hatred; worrying about what other people thought and all that shit. I was a 'social drinker' but I felt like a social pariah, actually.

I think it's worth really being honest about how you're using alcohol and why.

I lost friends but that was a price worth paying in exchange for a better relationship with myself.

Good luck. Be kind to yourself today.

I get this. I have anxiety.
I've stopped drinking because it just isn't worth the days of anxiety afterwards. I might have a small one if I'm with trusted friends.
I now have lovely mocktails or soda and lime instead

This is what i call beer fear. I always feel the exact same the next day for no apparent reason. I hope ur feeling better today

@wonkytonkwoman thank you. I'll have a look.

I'm a social binge drinker. I could go a month with no alcohol if I'm not socialising, but then when I do it's a months worth in 1 night.

I drink with friends, Mums of a similar age, it's the time I get away from my kids to be me.
I know thst I've done absolutely nothing wrong, in that I've not been rude to anyone, done anything I shouldn't. So I know I'm being ridiculous. I just can't seem to control those feelings.
I'm feeling like I want to hide away from people, and avoid any upcoming social occasions.
If I go & don't drink it will be very obvious, as I'm one of those who always has a drink when out.

I guess I just don't want to have to admit to people that I've got a problem with knowing when to stop.

When I go out I find it impossible to stop drinking, if I'm having a good time. I just don't want the night to end and I see no harm, at the time, in having 'one more'.

I have anxiety and the alcohol removes it; I think I thoroughly enjoy not feeling anxious and I want to hold onto it.

But I ended up hurting myself a few years ago on one of these non-stop nights and then my hangover lasted a week. I was mortified with myself and so embarrassed - I was so stressed going over the shame that you describe, OP.

But that was the last time I've ever been drunk or hungover! Now, I set myself a limit of 11pm. My husband will pick me up from an agreed place at 11pm (or I'll book a taxi) and even though at the time I'll feel like the night ended abruptly/too soon, the following morning I'm delighted and can see it was the right time to leave.

It's about finding what works for you. But you're certainly not alone.

Is binge drinking really “being me” though?

It’s an issue if once out and drinking you “can’t stop”, eg setting yourself a limit and sticking to it.

I binge drank a lot in late teens / early 20s. don’t drink much at all now as have a mental health issue and alcohol doesn’t help at all. With friends who drink it’s mainly fine - if we enjoy each other’s company we can do so with me being sober!

You don’t have to tell people anything about why on an evening out you’re drinking soft drinks or much less than usual. Can just say something innocuous. If they pry they’re rude.

I was exactly like this so I gave up drinking completely for just over a year. It just felt like the right time for me. Then I started drinking very occasionally but just one glass of wine with dinner if I'm out. Then there was one night over Christmas where I did have more than one - not enough to get drunk but enough to have a shit night's sleep and feel glum the next day. Reminded me why I stopped in the first place.

Sometimes I do still struggle after a hard day, or during times of commiseration/celebration - I miss that shortcut to a more relaxed, looser mental state. But that first drink feeling doesn't last long and for me is soon eclipsed by a nagging urge to pour another. However - one thing I've learned is that the feeling that I need a drink doesn't last either and I never regret powering through it.

@Dozer the being me bit, I just meant that it's about the only time I get away from my kids.

I think the only acid test with alcohol is how do you feel about your consumption? I think you're a Pringles Girl - once you pop you just can't stop.

It can tip over into a serious problem though, the fuck it button can get pretty extreme! Try not drinking for a couple of months and see how you feel. Don't go on drinky nights out, it makes life harder for you and drunks are boring.

@thighthighofthigh yep, I'm definitely a Pringles girl.

@MaggieAndHopey very well said, I feel exactly the same as this which is why I stopped. Every so often I need to read threads like these to remind myself why it's better that way. Because it's been so long since I last drank I've almost forgotten that awful morning after anxiety that would follow me around for 2 or 3 days. It can be hard being the only one of your mates that doesn't drink but if they can't accept that then they're not really your friends. Life moves on, funnily enough now most of my friends are doing dry January there's no shortage of offers to meet up!

How old are you OP?

You can still have the time away/social time and drink less or not at all. And/or arrange time away from the DC doing something else.

@CH79
Read the book "the easy way to control alcohol" by Alan Carr- it will blow your mind! It completely changed the way I view alcohol.

Regarding not drinking- simply say "I'm giving up for a while, I'm on a health kick" or something similar. Anyone who judges you for that or hassles you to drink is a crap friend and a shitty person. Think about it- why would someone drinking not want you to drink? you aren't stopping them drinking, its purely about their own guilt.

I quit completely due to anxiety- it was worse for the first couple of weeks but amazing after that first hurdle. The unexpected joy of being sober is a must read. There is a Fb group too for support. It'll be the best thing you ever do.

@Newname1978 I'm 40.

@Dozer yes, I know. It doesn't have to revolve around alcohol. I need to try.

OP - any anyone else reading this thread and nodding along, you are definitely not alone.

Here is a link to the Brave Babes thread which has been going for years. I am a recent addition and have found it so supportive. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3623809-Brave-babes-are-still-here-sping-summer-autumn-winter-There-is-always-someone-around

A PP mentioned Tempest. I am currently reading Holly Whitakers book - Quit Like a Woman and it is bloody AMAZING. There is loads of useful quit lit out there but this is the best I have found.

For today - carbs and fat and lots of water/tea. Be kind to yourself

@beautifulstranger101 I know, you're right.
And I know if people are really my friends that it won't change those relationships.
I suppose I'm just worried as to whether they are my real friends... 🤷‍♀️ They're the only ones I've got in our village.

@2020newme thank you. X

@dancingbadger yes, I struggled for a while with social occasions too, especially if your friendships involve mostly meeting up for drinks (as mine did!). I became a bit of a hermit for a while but I'm a lot better now.

You're not alone! I changed my user name to start a thread about going alcohol free in 2020, it's in the Alcohol Support topic and there are lots of us supporting each other. Many of our stories echo yours. Come and have a nosy and join in if you want to, you will be very welcome.

I don’t have close friends where I now live. That’s not ideal but OK.

I just do things with people whose company I enjoy. Find not drinking is a useful barometer. If I feel I have to binge drink with people I probably don’t feel comfortable with them. Why harm my body/mind by binging just to fit in with aquaintances?

Well I'm feeling slightly less anxious this evening. Still worrying about facing people on the school run tomorrow. Stupid I know. They weren't even there.
Someone give me a virtual slap...

Still keen to cut down the alcohol or stop completely. End up wasting my weekend.

Hope you're all feeling better.