Alcohol Anxiety help

[CH79]

Hi

Title says it all really.
I feel so awful after having a night out. My anxiety is horrendous. I feel so upset. Ashamed of myself. Just awful. Guilty. This lasts for a few days.
I don't go out particularly often, but when I do I don't know when to stop.
I feel like I've let my husband down today. But for no obvious reason. I feel guilty for enjoying myself.
I didn't do anything wrong, I just drank quite a lot. I hate myself today.
Why do i feel like this?
Is stopping drinking the only way to stop this?
Am I the only one who feels like this?
I feel like I need to talk to someone. But not sure what I'd say.
I feel everyone is judging me, when in fact they probably don't give a toss.

Advice please.

CH79 are you me? I get this big time and I hate it, it takes days to get over, usually a week and I'm back to normal. In my younger years I never gave a shit but now when I have a hangover I literally feel such a strong sense of inpending doom that I seriously feel like I have a mental illness. I have no answers for you. I did go out last night with friends and drank shadys, slowly, today I feel good but believe me if I had had pints and not cared today I'd be suffering from inner tormoil about what I did, who I spoke to, what I've said...... The list is endless.

Just to add its definitely a depressant when drank in large quantities. A few glasses of wine at home is fine, 2 or 3 beers is okay but when I binge drink drink it's terrible. I love drinking but I also hate it.

@BusterGonad it's awful isn't it. I still feel awful. Like you it'll take a few days. Definitely feels like a proper mental illness/anxiety.
I'm worried about seeing friends on the school run on Monday. They weren't even out. But I'm worrying what they think of me etc.
I shouldn't care should i. But I do.
Spent the day Googling help to stop drinking & self help stuff.
I want to cry quite honestly.

Hi OP,I am a member of AA,been sober nearly 17years.Feel free to PM me if you want to.

To answer one question,you never have to speak in a meeting if you don’t want to.you can turn up at any meeting and just sit in,they do vary a bit,so,I,would always advise going to a few different meetings,see which ones you feel most comfortable in.

ThemAA website is brilliant if you check it out.

You cant say no to more when you have already had one because it's an addictive substance. It's not your fault. I found it best to quit altogether. The anxiety is too much and I cant handle the headaches from all the poison

Urgh, gin does this to me. Weirdly that imposter called pink gin makes it ten times worse.

I could have written your post but one year ago I gave up drinking and haven’t ever regretted it. I was wasting too much time in an anxious, guilt ridden state (for no actual reason) and had had enough. I had been drinking as a social drinker for the best part of 25 years and gave up age 38. Would recommend it to anyone.

There's no rule that you have to drink alcohol at all. If it's making you feel bad just have something else while you're out. There, problem solved.

i’ll be 6 years sober (weather permitting) in April. AA saved my life. you don’t have to speak at a meeting, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

i will say, in all honesty, that i have precisely one friend left from the ‘old days’. but, i have made some amazing new ones along the way.

i don’t have an off-switch, i have a Fuck It button. once the first drink was in me, all bets were off. i got progressively worse until i finally had enough, and haven’t had a drink today so am doing ok.

if you enjoy the odd drink, and want to be able to continue to do this, try and regulate yourself, now. if you can’t, you might want to think about what that means.

and honestly, life is so much easier sober. and i was the person least likely to ever, ever stop.

Drinking alcohol can wipe out b12 pretty badly and a side effect of low b12 is anxiety. I think it affects all b vitamins not just b12 but alcoholics (not at all saying you are one as I don’t think you are!) tend to be very low in b12 as they drink so frequently they can’t build it back up again.
My sister gets horrendous anxiety when her b12 levels are low due to her pernicious anaemia so this is just something I thought may be involved but could be nothing to do with it at all.

Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.

I was the same as you, been sober 2.5 years now and it's fine. Much better!

Due you think you might be able to switch to alcohol free or very low alcohol beers?
Due to stomach problems I’ve started to drink these. They’re really ok, and you feel like you’ve had a ‘drink’ but without any of the drawbacks (hangover / anxiety etc).
I’ve had various types of lagers, and there’s cider and gins which I’ve not tried yet.

@exWifebeginsAgainat46 I think I'm the same, I have the fuck it button... I can go weeks without drinking, but then when I do drink I drink, too much.

My husband isn't a feelings guy, but I think I just want him to kind of tell me it's OK, reassure me. He doesn't though.
Obviously not blaming him for my anxiety, but it would help I think!

Think I do need to think seriously about stopping drinking. It's not worth this feeling every time.

I have told my husband how I feel awful every time

My husband isn't a feelings guy, but I think I just want him to kind of tell me it's OK, reassure me. He doesn't though

But what do you do on these nights? How much do you drink? You say you have no control, no off switch. How drunk do you get? Are you capable of making your own way home safely? Do your friends end up minding you? Does your husband end up minding you?

The answers to these are important. We all have the occasional night where we over do it. But in between we have sensible nights where we have a few drinks, have a laugh and go home.

If EVERYTIME you go out, you are then looking for reassurance from your husband and telling him how awful you feel I can see why he's not too forth coming.

I live with a problem drinker. If your drinking isn't fun for you anymore, you can guarantee it's not fun for the person you are living with either.

Find your off switch, or admit you cannot drink when you go out.

Another question, these people I'm worrying about, that what they think of me. They've probably not given me a second thought have they??! I'm just being irrational.

@TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre I'm not out of control when I go out, I can always get home, nobody has to look after me on a night out. I just get drunk. I dont ever intend to get hammered, I just don't know when to stop.
Re the husband, I've only told him about the anxiety recently. So I'm not at him every time.

Another question, these people I'm worrying about, that what they think of me. They've probably not given me a second thought have they??

I PROMISE you, these people have not and will not even have thought once about you this entire weekend. You really aren't that important (sorry- I dont mean that rudely but you know what I mean).
Most people are thinking about their own crap- what they've got to do this weekend, what their plans are, what to watch on telly etc

But you must stop drinking - you cant be going through this every weekend or every time you drink. Its causing you real distress

@beautifulstranger101
I know exactly what you mean. I know I'm being irrational. I just can't help it.

I need to do something I know. Thanks.

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A superb health supplement to have in your cupboard.

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Check it out before you abstain!👍

@CH79 do you have social anxiety? apparently, alcohol dependence is very common in people with social anxiety as its a way of self medicating but the downside is, it makes the social anxiety worse the day after. You also remind me of me and I think there is a touch of OCD in what you describe. Kind of- obsessional thinking and analysing of behaviours etc..

Life really is so much better without alcohol if it does this to you.Its also very hard to explain to people who dont get this anxiety what its like- they look at you as if you're mad. I get it, I really do.

Apologies, I was flippant inappropriately.

I thought it was an occasional over indulgence.

L-Theanine

LOVE this supplement- its really helped me

@billy1966 it is occasional. The drinking I mean. It's not every week.

@beautifulstranger101 I'm a really sociable person. Chatty & friendly usually.
The anxiety the day after is obsessional, I've thought about it all day. Whilst trying not too.
I feel like I want to stop drinking. But that I can't face people. And I can imagine their responses... I don't want to face up to people. I think. If that makes any sense?!

I can only suggest giving up completely or trying to limit the amount by having shadys or spritzers. For me I over drink when I'm out as I get anxious meeting new people or I get over excited and drink drink drink.

Well I've been awake an hour with my son. We've given up & got up now. Not a great night's sleep. Still anxious as hell.

@BusterGonad I don't know why I over drink really. I'm enjoying it at the time. But then the hangxiety hits. Really don't think it's worth it. Not if it affects me like this for a week.
I feel ashamed of myself. But feel like if I was advising a friend that I would be telling them not to be so daft.