Alcohol Anxiety help

[CH79]

Hi

Title says it all really.
I feel so awful after having a night out. My anxiety is horrendous. I feel so upset. Ashamed of myself. Just awful. Guilty. This lasts for a few days.
I don't go out particularly often, but when I do I don't know when to stop.
I feel like I've let my husband down today. But for no obvious reason. I feel guilty for enjoying myself.
I didn't do anything wrong, I just drank quite a lot. I hate myself today.
Why do i feel like this?
Is stopping drinking the only way to stop this?
Am I the only one who feels like this?
I feel like I need to talk to someone. But not sure what I'd say.
I feel everyone is judging me, when in fact they probably don't give a toss.

Advice please.

I've been signed with depression and anxiety by my doctors and they recommend avoiding alcohol, it's a depressant and will not help. I've also tried to just have a couple if I'm out but like you I struggle to stop, it's taken a while but if I'm at a meal I will have a couple of drinks but also ask for a jug of water on the table, plus I'd recommend going to speak to your gp as they will have the best advice

As much water as you can get down you, some good vitamins - and the constant reminder “be kind to yourself” and nothing will have been as bad as you think

I know I didn't do anything. And that I shouldn't feel guilty. I'm allowed a night off...
But yet here I am anxious as hell. Worrying about rubbish. And facing friends, who weren't even out, on Monday.
😔

Take a breath. What you are feeling is completely normal. Its called "the fear" and its known that after a night of drinking it can make you feel paranoid, low, panicky, anxious and guilty - even when you have done nothing at all wrong. The reason is that when drinking your anxiety is suppressed and depressed by the alcohol. As the alcohol starts to leach out of your body the nervous centres reawaken and the anxiety is stronger than to was before because it has been subdued by the alcohol. Not to mention alcohol depletes your body of nutrients esp vitamin b (vit b deficiency can cause anxiety), makes you dehydrated which can make you feel shaky, lowers blood sugar (again- makes your stomach churn etc).

So, if you are prone to any anxiety at all, alcohol is the absolute WORSE bloody thing you can drink. I get it too. I have tried all sorts of ways but the only answer for me is to just not drink. Even if I only have a couple I wake up at around 2am panicking about something, no matter how ridiculous. So now I just dont drink. Life is SOOO much better. I feel calm, relaxed, healthy and wonderful. No panic, no waking up in a sweat being paranoid about every tiny detail of the night before, its just glorious. If this is also you, I recommend you dont drink.
A few hours of fun is simply not worth the entire next day of feeling like utter shit, waiting for the anxiety and paranoia to subside. It just awful and I refuse to continue putting my body through that.

Come over to the dry thread puguin, we are all in the same boat and all at different stages of our sobriety, I'm day 11 today.

The thread is called...

*Anyone else stopping completely in 2020
*

Sorry I copied someone else's user name into this as I had advised another poster of the same thing

I get this. I rarely go out but when I do always feel like this afterwards, I actually feel like it before even going out! 🙄😂 pre beer fear.

@CH79
Don’t know if I have pasted your post but you can just sit at the back... I was very similar to you... AA has worked wonders for this alcoholic but understand it is not for everyone. Good luck in whatever you decide x

I was a big social drinker and stopped a few years ago. Best decision ever. I now dont miss it and never thought I'd say that. Check out Belle at tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking for support and ideas. Good luck

You’ve got The Fear.
Try and rationalise how you feel if you can. Try and think over the night. Let yourself process it. I find this helpful for helping me to realise that I didn’t say/do anything ‘wrong’ etc which helps.
Can you have a bath and order a takeaway later?
I get like this with Gin. Could there be a certain drink triggering it?

@Pardonwhat it's any alcoholic drink. Doesn't matter what.
I just don't know when to stop.

Thank you beautifulstranger

@Boots20 I can't find the thread.

To be honest CH I have massively cut down on socialising but that is partly to do with my age (50's). When I do go out I drink non-alcoholic beer which in the early days stopped people saying too much as it looked like I had a drink in my hand. I'm also lucky in a way that i don't have a partner to contend with so not having any alcohol in the house is easy. Its difficult I think to avoid alcohol when you are in a relationship, from dates to nights in couples usually expect to "have a drink". In fact I realised that I'd never had a first night of sex with any of my ex's completely sober (and there have been a few )

Honestly, it isn't easy, but it most definitely is possible. It took me from 1998 to 2018 to actually stop getting drunk, I took the pledge a few times and used to beat myself up about failing, but the will was there and I did it when I did it. There is nothing to be ashamed about trying and failing, you are acknowledging that there is something in your life that you want to change, that's a big step in itself. In fact it is the very first step - admitting you're a bit fucked as Russell Brand puts it.

Honestly, i think an AA meeting might be good for you just so you can see that you aren't the only one who feels like this. I went to a women only one but the women I met there also attended mixed meetings. I just cried through the first one and felt embarrassed for doing so but people couldn't have been kinder or more welcoming, they'd all been there. You don't have to tell anyone you're going. If your DP wants to support you there are also friends and family open meetings you could attend x

One thing all alcoholics have in common (and I know this from personal experience) is the lack of an "off switch" that tells us when we've had enough and that it's time to stop.

This does not mean that you are an alcoholic now, but it is a troubling sign. For a lot of people stopping is easier than trying to control it.

Sorry I dont know how to link but if you go to talk>health>alcoholsupport it should be there, there is so much support & great people helping each other

Unfortunately, it isn't going to stop. Every time you drink this will happen. What will happen is, you'll feel crap for a few days, the feeling gradually wears off and then when the next big night out comes around you'll think "meh- it'll be fine! I'll just have a couple" then you'll feel warm and relaxed after the first drink, you'll drink some more and more and then BAM its the next day and you're feeling like this allover again.

Nothing prevents it, nothing stops it, the only way is to not drink.
one thing that helped me was the phrase "play the tape until the end" I'd imagine fun nights out of carefree drinking but I'd never think about the next day. I now force myself to think about an upcoming night out and force myself to play the tape in my head until the very end which includes me feeling awful the next day. That stops me drinking on a night out, and its fine! I have a great old time, laugh, dance etc but I go home knowing that the next day I'll feel fab, no anxiety, no paranoia, no panic attacks. So much better.

The sober now app also helped me. Here's today's page, with a quote that you might find apt?

The app is called Sober Today

Yup I was like this and stopped completely a year ago. Honestly it has been so nice to wake up every morning feeling fresh and worry free. I used to get terrible insomnia worrying about all the things I might have said/ done. When I gave up I started by reading the Annie grace 'naked mind' book followed by other books/ blogs etc it all helps to hear others experience. My dh hardly drinks now too, he much prefers it, he's lost weight, snores less and feels better in himself too. So you never know if you lead the way your partner might follow and be thanking you for it.

I tend to get it worse depending on who I go out with. Like with close friends I just don't worry but if it's neighbours or newer friends, I torture myself!

Are you 40 CH79? Going on the 79. If so you could be at the start of peri menopause. Hang overs get much worse & tolerance goes right down.

I stopped drinking completely as a result, just not worth it

This is a real physical reaction to alcohol. The only cure is to drink less. Look at Annie Grace Site The Alcohol experiment and listen to her daily videos it will really help and open your mind to healthier attitude to alcohol. All free no pressure no judgement. Not even telling you you have to go alcohol free, just do the 30 days experiment and then make your mind up

@MadamBatty oh joy! 😂 Yes I'm 40.

Hi OP, I have this too- I get it because of perimenopause - so I have now decided to quit alcohol until I am through the menopause which someone told me could take 10 years!!!!!!

There was a fab article in the Sunday Times by a woman in the UK who has set up a female quit alcohol group Tempest, and she has written a book called quit like a woman. You can join it by googling join (name of group).

My advice would be to go to events and not drink anything. When you realise how great it feels to wake up with no hangover, gulf, fear etc I think then you could start to incorporate a couple of drinks but you'd still be sober enough so know when to stop and think "now it's time for a juice or cup of tea instead of drink no 3"