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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is selfish and unfair behaviour?

130 replies

BeTheRabbit · 11/01/2020 14:41

Freezing cold day, rainy and windy, and two guys are standing IN the bus shelter smoking.. Which means I have to stand outside because I have a bad cold/chest and don't want to breathe it in.. I can't stand the smell, it's repulsive.. I don't want to end up smelling of smoke, which is what happens.

AIBU to think it is selfish and unfair behaviour on their part?

OP posts:
Retroflex · 11/01/2020 16:34

@Mitzicoco "Retroflex this is about the OP, not you."

Please tell @worraLiberty et Al including yourself that. Thanks.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 11/01/2020 16:34

I can't stand smokers in enclosed spaces so yanbu OP.

Retroflex you're being bonkers. Do you genuinely expect anyone who knowingly has a cough or cold to never leave the house? The country would come to a stand still!

KindnessCrusader · 11/01/2020 16:35

Bad manners on their part, but on the other hand you went out to infect everyone with your 'very bad cold' so I think it's even stevens.

RightEarlobeBreath · 11/01/2020 16:35

@retroflex

I was using the more general “you” rather than the specific “you”. Replace it with “person who is immunosupressed” if it helps you with the incredibly difficult comprehension.

DivGirl · 11/01/2020 16:35

I asked immunocompromised DP and he says @Retroflex and the dirty rotten smokers are BU.

He works with the horrible contagious public, which he travels to on the germ ridden bus. These are risks that he chooses to take for a normal-ish life. He would have stood outside the bus stop too though.

PlanDeRaccordement · 11/01/2020 16:35

People have to go about their normal lives with colds sometimes.

I honestly disagree. It’s a choice. Not a free choice, it’s the one society expects and pressures you into. But it is a choice nonetheless.

I don’t agree with everything retroflex said, but they were 100% right that it is a choice to go in public when you know you are contagious. It also follows that you are aware you might pass on your illness. At the very least posters should recognise these facts and only take issue with the question of whether it is a selfish choice or not.

BrokenWing · 11/01/2020 16:38

Retroflex, it must be tough being immunosuppressed, but it is totally unrealistic to expect a significant % of the population to stop using public spaces in winter when colds are almost the norm. They are not selfish or inconsiderate, unless they are coughing etc without covering their mouth/nose or using a hankie.

Retroflex · 11/01/2020 16:40

This reply has been deleted

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HanginWithMyGnomies · 11/01/2020 16:43

Oh the drama of dating to step outside with a contagious disease aka a cold 😂 I have a low immune system too @Retroflex but I wouldn't begrudge someone daring to go on public transport with a cold! I'd feel more sorry for @BeTheRabbit that they had to go out on public transport whilst feeling so crap!

Butchyrestingface · 11/01/2020 16:45

*@BeTheRabbit being self employed I don't get any income if I'm off sick, so I can understand the need to be at work. *

So am I. Which means that I am never off work, and as asthmatic with a weak chest, I am rather in the habit of catching colds from other people which immediately turn into bronchitis and take forever to shift.

I would accept that I'm selfish not to stay at home. It's a case of needs must though, I'm afraid. What makes the two cases different I think is that people have to go out and about, if they don't go to work, they get sacked, etc, etc. But people don't have to smoke, especially not in a bus shelter which necessarily wafting smoke over others nearby.

I'm sympathetic though. My late brother was severely immunocompromised, and his life was one long carousal of catching coughs and colds from other people which hit him 1000x times harder and longer.

Sparkle567 · 11/01/2020 16:47

They were BU.

But @Retroflex moaning about people being out and about when having a cold is hilarious. It’s a cold, asif people are not going to leave the house 😂

Retroflex · 11/01/2020 16:47

@sparepantsandtoothbrush @RightEarlobeBreath @DivGirl @BrokenWing

The original post described her as having a "bad cold" so it's not unreasonable to suggest that someone in that condition should be convalescing at home... Hmm

Owlypants · 11/01/2020 16:47

I smoke (trying to quit) and would smoke outside the shelter. The smokers were being unreasonable. Retroflex have a snickers

Wheresthebeach · 11/01/2020 16:49

Well this got out of control fast!

I hate smoking...as someone with pretty severe asthma plus being allergic to smoke, I would have had to leave the bus stop.

As far as the cold in concerned - blame Day Nurse (and the likes) advertising where they claim to make everything hunky dory when you've a cold, and business' attitude to sick days, for the reality of people having to go to work sick. Not to mention school attendance policies. Endless sick people, who ought to be in bed, go to school and work because they have to.

Retroflex · 11/01/2020 16:49

@Sparkle567 read my above comment... Hmm

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/01/2020 16:51

I could agree with @worraLiberty but then we'd both be wrong

One of my favourite quotes Retroflex - thank you -raised a smile. Smile

I suppose you could also argue that you made a choice to travel on public transport knowing that you are at a higher risk of catching something contagious from people who are knowingly (and more often unknowingly) contagious at the time. Even if OP stayed at home, the bus will be full of germs anyway from people who don’t know they are contagious, cross contamination from contact with contagious people outside of the bus etc

I wouldn't argue tis as others have already done it - seems pointless to repeat what they've said.

I'm going to genuinely apologise for picking on you now - but I'm leaving my comments because I think you need them (and others). You really are the one who is being unreasonable.

If OP said "I'm not having my children vaccinated, and even though little Tarquin is covered with icy spots we're going on the bus to Quentin's birthday party", she would be being unreasonable. However to say "I've got a bad cold and I have to go to work or I won't get paid" - she isn't being unreasonable

She has bills, she may have children who would end up inc are if she fell behind with her mortgage - whatever - it is a COLD!

I know it's a lot more serious to you than to most of the population, but that can't be helped. It's just a fact of life, I'm afraid.

If everyone with a cold stopped off work, this country would grind to a halt in about three days . . .

Original poster
BeTheRabbit · 11/01/2020 16:51

It's a bad cold Retroflex, not Manflu, therefore I don't get to "convalesce at home" Hmm

Neither do most women. Who still have to work. Cook. Arrange Christmas. Childrens birthdays. Etc etc. Sad

OP posts:
Retroflex · 11/01/2020 16:52

@Owlypants I don't fancy a snickers, quite happy with a glass of juice... Grin

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/01/2020 16:54

I could agree with @worraLiberty but then we'd both be wrong

One of my favourite quotes Retroflex - thank you -raised a smile. Smile

I suppose you could also argue that you made a choice to travel on public transport knowing that you are at a higher risk of catching something contagious from people who are knowingly (and more often unknowingly) contagious at the time. Even if OP stayed at home, the bus will be full of germs anyway from people who don’t know they are contagious, cross contamination from contact with contagious people outside of the bus etc

I wouldn't argue tis as others have already done it - seems pointless to repeat what they've said.

I'm going to genuinely apologise for picking on you now - but I'm leaving my comments because I think you need them (and others). You really are the one who is being unreasonable.

If OP said "I'm not having my children vaccinated, and even though little Tarquin is covered with icy spots we're going on the bus to Quentin's birthday party", she would be being unreasonable. However to say "I've got a bad cold and I have to go to work or I won't get paid" - she isn't being unreasonable

She has bills, she may have children who would end up inc are if she fell behind with her mortgage - whatever - it is a COLD!

I know it's a lot more serious to you than to most of the population, but that can't be helped. It's just a fact of life, I'm afraid.

If everyone with a cold stopped off work, this country would grind to a halt in about three days . . .

WorraLiberty · 11/01/2020 16:55

I honestly disagree. It’s a choice. Not a free choice, it’s the one society expects and pressures you into. But it is a choice nonetheless.

Well if you see eating, heating, washing, having a roof over your head and sending your kids to school as an actual choice, I suppose so.

Meanwhile in the real world.... Confused

NameChangeNugget · 11/01/2020 16:56

Scummy behaviour.

There are some inconsiderate, feral wankers about

WorraLiberty · 11/01/2020 16:57

The original post described her as having a "bad cold" so it's not unreasonable to suggest that someone in that condition should be convalescing at home...

Since the start of friggin DECEMBER?

Blimey

Retroflex · 11/01/2020 16:57

@BeTheRabbit if you're organising Christmas this early I'm honestly impressed! I've got birthdays in less than a week that I haven't organised yet... But I'm guessing you just added that for a list...

You keep saying it's a bad cold, ergo implying that it's akin to manflu, or at least more severe that a standard "common cold" or sniffles or whatever, so... Hmm

MintyMabel · 11/01/2020 16:58

It is illegal in Scotland to smoke in a bus shelter if it is largely enclosed on 3 sides.

But with the wind I’d suggest any problem with second had smoke would be really low, it’s not like smoke will be hanging around.

WorraLiberty · 11/01/2020 16:59

BeTheRabbit if you're organising Christmas this early I'm honestly impressed! I've got birthdays in less than a week that I haven't organised yet...But I'm guessing you just added that for a list...

Oh dear God. Still not reading the thread are you? Grin