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Original poster

DP ex and boundaries

128 replies

Givenupsmokingatlast · 11/01/2020 14:21

NC for this though I’ve been on the site for a while.

DP is still on good terms with his exw for the sake of their children. There’s no suggestion of them reconciling and for the last few years of their marriage they basically lived apart anyway. She and I tend to avoid each other without any actual conflict so all good all round.

Which leaves me more than a bit annoyed and confused by last weekend. He was around there picking up the three girls, and she had just come out of the shower. She sauntered around in front of him in her underwear, just putting her bra on. I’m not a prude, I don’t feel jealous of her but isn’t this a bit disrespectful to me? Or am I just being old fashioned?

OP posts:
BorissGiantJohnson · 11/01/2020 16:39

She was having a shower and getting dressed in her own house, while he was upstairs hanging about in the bedrooms and on the landing. She isn't the one with boundary problems. Tell him to wait in the car, or at the very least downstairs.

MrsBricks · 11/01/2020 16:44

Sounds like he is getting in his excuse for why he was upstairs by his ex's bedroom with her in her knickers before a child tells you something that makes you suspicious.

fishonabicycle · 11/01/2020 16:46

Just tell him to stay downstairs. Why knows why she did it? Doesn't really matter, as her behaviour is her own responsibility. He needs to set his own boundaries and stay by the door.

NameChangeNugget · 11/01/2020 16:48

The problem is him being a dick, scuttling about upstairs.

Why do women always want to blame other women on here?

VerySale · 11/01/2020 16:52

Why do people have to make more out of something than there is? And why does it always have to be twisted into the mans fault?

Yes, he shouldn't be going upstairs actually. I don't invite my ex in. We're at the awkward phase so drop offs are at the door. But his ex shouldn't be walking aroundin her just her underwear when she would clearly be able to hear your DP was just there. Seems very deliberate.

WestCountryLady · 11/01/2020 16:58

Maybe he was perving on her and she noticed and had a go at him and he was just saying all this in case the girls mention it.

JosefKeller · 11/01/2020 17:12

Why do women always want to blame other women on here?
because it was the woman in her underwear, allegedly deciding to have a shower at the time her ex was picking kids up, it wasn't a man.

Same comments would apply if it was the father in his underwear upstairs.

Simply inappropriate. Does your husband walk around the house in his pants when you have female friends around? Mine doesn't!

Mombie2016 · 11/01/2020 17:30

Lot of assumptions being made here.

Maybe she didn't realise he was upstairs

Maybe she did and thought he was fully in their child's room so risked nipping down the hallway

Maybe she's fucking mortified

OP you're banging on like she did him a mostly nude lap dance

ohwheniknow · 11/01/2020 17:34

Using loaded language does tend to get a reaction from people. Sauntering. Parading. Enticing. You've made your judgements clear. I don't see any justification for your choice of language.

We could do the same about your partner and suddenly the picture changes to one as dramatic as the one you've tried to paint.

Why was your partner perving on his ex? Why did he go upstairs without her permission while she was in the shower so he could catch her unawares and spy on her? Why was he violating her privacy?

Why is his behaviour beyond reproach but she cannot do anything right?

FullOfJellyBeans · 11/01/2020 17:37

because it was the woman in her underwear, allegedly deciding to have a shower at the time her ex was picking kids up, it wasn't a man.

Nothing strange about having a shower while someone else is in the house - presumably he collects his kids all the time. I would assume he was downstairs and not in my bedroom so no reason not to take a shower if I needed one.

messolini9 · 11/01/2020 17:39

Woman walks around her own bedroom and bathroom after having a shower, whilst getting dressed in the process.

No no no, @NichyNoo. Woman paraded around her own bedroom etc.
And of COURSE it is the woman's fault ... stand by for PP's informing us woman was also flaunting.

WestCountryLady · 11/01/2020 17:40

Does she have a husband/partner and if so does he know her ex is upstairs while she's naked?

Starlink · 11/01/2020 17:41

Well he must have seen it before loads, it is just a body. Nowt to get hung up on.

JacquesHammer · 11/01/2020 17:43

Let’s face it, for people with a certain agenda, a woman is always to blame.

messolini9 · 11/01/2020 17:44

Well quite, @ohwheniknow - (&wotcher @MonopolyDog - cross posts re: 'parading' & 'sauntering')
We could do the same about your partner and suddenly the picture changes to one as dramatic as the one you've tried to paint.

The loaded language is at least going both ways - did you catch the PP's portraying the DP as scuttling upstairs & hanging around?

Willyoujustbequiet · 11/01/2020 17:54

As you can see OP the majority appear to think its your DP who has been disrespectful and who has boundary issues. Apart from the odd misogynist who would always blame the woman no matter the circumstances.

I think you are directing your ire at the wrong person or perhaps its rooted in insecurity on your part. Either way his ex did absolutely nothing wrong and its your issue sorry.

KindnessCrusader · 11/01/2020 18:15

I'm guessing he's seen her birth 3 children so I probably wouldn't find it weird...but I'm quite a naked person Grin

aroundtheworldyet · 11/01/2020 18:47

I think everyone should chill.
She was in her pants and bra? What’s that? A bikini
He’s seen her birth
Seen her naked
They’re comfortable enough for him to be in the sacred “upstairs”
I doubt anyone minds. It’s like seeing a family member in pants, not something you do often, but perfectly fine if it does happen

Cheesespreading · 11/01/2020 18:47

FullOfJellyBeans Crazy and insane? What, to be in underwear after a shower and nipping between rooms? Maybe go read up on the meanings of those words?

stuffedpeppers · 11/01/2020 19:20

She walked out of her bedroom into her bathroom, and he was talking to on of his daughters in the daughters bedroom.

She knew he was in her house but did she know he was upstairs?/

Seriously

Original poster
Givenupsmokingatlast · 11/01/2020 19:23

Yes he’s had sex with her and seen her birth children, but that was then and this is now. If it was an accident so be it; if it’s the case she still happily lets him see her naked or near naked well that’s different. I guess I only have his perspective and maybe she would claim otherwise.

OP posts:
Sunsetsandmoons · 11/01/2020 19:27

What do you think of posters saying he doesn’t need to be upstairs?

My exh didn’t do that even when I was still living in the jointly owned home.

JacquesHammer · 11/01/2020 19:27

if it’s the case she still happily lets him see her naked or near naked well that’s different

So you don’t trust your partner then.

Notsosimple · 11/01/2020 19:34

Givenupsmokingatlast he shouldn’t be upstairs, it’s not his home. But you still seem to be blaming the ex.

1moreRep · 11/01/2020 19:56

my exdp and i get on very well and have 2 dds, i would anger the door in pjs (shorts and vest) but that is the limit. mainly out of respect for our partners, we're more like brother and sister now (as in there's nothing there but familial love for our children etc)

he told you and please don't start a war with her as it's the kids that will suffer.

she may just see him like family now,