Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this friend is being ridiculous

205 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 11/01/2020 12:55

I’ve got a friend who brings her three year old to most things, including when occasionally inappropriate. But usually it’s ok, she is the type to kick off when she gets invited to a wedding and her daughter doesn’t but otherwise it’s ok.

We all thought it would be fun to go to a beer festival and bought tickets about a month ago. It starts at 7pm in a city centre on a Friday. She has since found out it is (I’d think obviously) no under 18s due to licensing.
She is kicking off sideways about this.
Aibu to think she’s being bloody ridiculous and to tell her so!

OP posts:
crustycrab · 12/01/2020 18:18

Why is it bonkers to put a 3 year old to bed at 7?

Both my kids ages 8 and 5 are in bed at 7, the older one is allowed to read until half past but the youngest is straight to sleep

howabout · 12/01/2020 18:22

YANBU

However our local beer festival has morphed into a family friendly full weekend food and beer extravaganza complete with street entertainment.

The Mums desperate for a child free night out have had to organise a separate evening gin event.

isabellerossignol · 12/01/2020 18:26

Why is it bonkers to put a 3 year old to bed at 7?

I have already explained what I meant when I said it was bonkers. I was saying that it was bonkers to say that a 3 year old should be in bed by 7, as if it was a safety issue. The poster who made the original statement also has clarified what she meant when she said it.

(However, that said, I've never known anyone who puts their children to bed at 7pm, because most people I know simply aren't home from work in time for that to be possible).

isabellerossignol · 12/01/2020 18:28

Both my kids ages 8 and 5 are in bed at 7

Veering off topic I know, but my 8 year old often isn't even home at that time of night. Swimming lessons, sports clubs etc all take place in the evening round here.

stephi81 · 12/01/2020 18:41

Jesus I can't take my 2.5 year old to a coffee shop in the middle of the day without it turning into WW3 at the moment. Taking him to a beer festival at 7pm would be HELL. Also - does she not realise other people might not want to be in the company of her child sometimes?? Ugh people like her do my nut in Hmm

stephi81 · 12/01/2020 18:43

Oh god how I would love my kids to be in bed by 7pm looks into the distance wistfully...

Straycatstrut · 12/01/2020 18:46

Wow is it just me who would be glad to see the back of my 3 year old for a bit?!!

Today he escaped my hand and ran into a main road and of course I panicked and yelled at him, and gave him a huge lecture. Maybe not the best thing to do but I was shit scared. He spent the next TWO HOURS screaming at me and banging and kicking on the (very loud, unvarnished wooden) toilet door whilst I sat on the loo and cried.

I don't think it's entirely healthy to spend so much time with her daughter. She has to go to school eventually (unless HS) and she'll really struggle if she's been glued to her mummy since birth.

LJenn · 12/01/2020 18:47

I have a friend like that... not AS dramatic as your friend now, but has her daughter attached to her hip. Her husband is helpful and would be happy to take care of the child while she goes for coffee for an hour or two, but every time A group of us make plans to meet up... there's the toddler. Look she's a cute kid but ffs we can't even have a damn conversation. I have two kids and I'm only delighted to get the chance to escape for a bit 😂😂😂. She must have separation anxiety to want to bring her everywhere. Has anyone spoken to her??

Michellelovesizzy · 12/01/2020 18:52

I like to bring my daughter to stuffs. But you have to draw the line looool beer festivalsd r not 4 kids. Also u have to respect other if they dont invite ur child to there wedding then thats there shout. Ur friend sound hard work.

monkeymonkey2010 · 12/01/2020 18:53

But usually it’s ok, she is the type to kick off when she gets invited to a wedding and her daughter doesn’t but otherwise it’s ok
She's NOT an ok friend though is she?
She's demanding, controlling, an attention seeking drama llama - and you ALL CHOOSE to tolerate it.
You CHOOSE to enable this in her by not calling her out on her amateur dramatics.

Straycatstrut · 12/01/2020 18:53

Both my kids ages 8 and 5 are in bed at 7, the older one is allowed to read until half past but the youngest is straight to sleep

I have 3 and 7 year olds and bedtime is 7. It's when "mummy's time" starts. They both go to their rooms and the 7 year old does jigsaws, activity books, reads then goes on his tablet - goes to sleep 9 or 9.30. 10 or 10.30 on non-school nights. I'm not happy about how late he stays up but sending him to bed with lights off when he's clearly not tired I think isn't fair. No issues with being too tired at school or anything.

3 year old will babble and sing and read his Thomas books, play with his trains a bit, but very usually straight to sleep for the whole night.

Some would say I'm cursed with the bad luck I've had, still having, but both my boys have slept right through since not needing a night feed (about 7/8 weeks!). If I didn't have that I think I'd be in an institution.

Michellelovesizzy · 12/01/2020 18:54

Agree with LJenn. If your goin 4 a coffèe and its clear no other kids r goin then u dont bring urs. People need adult time

CoraPirbright · 12/01/2020 18:59

It’s utter lunacy obviously but OP is the only one in the position to tell us whether this friend is a) an entitled nightmare who thinks the world revolves around her kid or b) suffering some sort of terrible anxiety about separation and needs kindness and help.

In view of OPs comments about her kicking off about weddings where her little darling isn't included, I am inclined to guess that its a). I sincerely hope that the organisers don’t back down and she is told to sling her hook.

PineappleDanish · 12/01/2020 19:06

The organisers won't have the option of backing down, it's probably a condition of their alcohol licence. Not negotiable in any way.

CoraPirbright · 12/01/2020 19:07

Looks like bonkers friend is dead out of luck then! Wink

Randomname85 · 12/01/2020 19:12

@lastqueenofscotland is it possible she had undiagnosed PND? Many mothers I think find it difficult to leave their child even when they’re no longer babies if there has been any kind of PND or PNA.

Emmak789 · 12/01/2020 19:14

Haha your friend has really made me laugh, people go to beer festivals to get legless so totally not for kids. Why would she even consider taking a 3yr old after 7pm? I know childcare can be tough but if you dont have any dont go, would she also go clubbing or wine tasting with her little one? If she doesn't get the obvious I wouldn't bother to point it out.

strawberry2017 · 12/01/2020 19:18

She is nuts! I'd love a night out without my child lol

Localocal · 12/01/2020 19:20

I would just say 'sorry this event isn't suitable for your LO. If you can't get childcare and have to miss it we will have to do something else together soon.' Don't make her problem your problem.

Bipbipbipbip · 12/01/2020 19:31

What a dickhead. It's a beer festival, it's clearly for adults. I'd just stop inviting her to stuff unless it's a trip to soft play.

GabsAlot · 12/01/2020 19:31

Doesnt any of your or your friends say anything anytime she brings along her dd-its just bonkers and an evening beer festival is not the place for a 3 year old even if they did allow it it wold ruin yur whole night

ContessaferJones · 12/01/2020 19:38

Surprised at how many dispute the 7pm bedtime for 3yo! DS1 is nearly 9 and steadily declines after 5pm - he's hideous by 7pm. DS2 (almost 8yo) is a bit better, but still not much cop by 9pm.... we can't do any paid after school activities, it just wouldn't be worth it.

Barney60 · 12/01/2020 19:40

never heard anything so stupid!
why would she want a child around a beer festival ??
which usually has quite a few that have overstepped how much should drink, me incl! personally id be concerned about her parenting !

bobsyourauntie · 12/01/2020 19:43

YANBU. She is one of those entitled people who just can't see why they can't take their little darlings everywhere that they go. This is an adult event and quite rightly so. If she can't get a sitter then she has to stay home, it's the downside of being a parent and you know when you have kids that your life will have to change in some ways.

I hope that the organisers stand firm and refuse entry. Not every event can be all inclusive to every single person for various good reasons. I hope the organisers point out to your friend that NO under 18's means just that, irrespective of their age...... she must be pretty stupid to form any other interpretation of those words!

Adults are still allowed to have adult only events thank god. (and yes I do have a child and a very small social life since becoming a single parent)

Bazbear · 12/01/2020 19:52

Your friend is bonkers and seems quite delusional I would just tell her to either come without child or not come but everyone else is still going and will have fun