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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sharing a hotel room with a stranger

332 replies

nomorespaghetti · 11/01/2020 08:40

I've signed up to do some volunteering for a large national charity. I need to attend a training weekend for it about 2 hours away from where I live. It will involve one overnight stay. The charity will pay for train travel and overnight accommodation, but they've asked that volunteers share a twin bed room with another volunteer to keep costs down. It doesn't specify that it'd be a person of the same sex (but I'd hope so!)

The thought of sharing a hotel room with a stranger makes me feel super anxious. I wouldn't mind doing it if it was someone I knew, a work colleague for example. And I've stayed in hostels before (many years ago in my youth!)

I've no issue with telling them that I'm not comfortable doing it. But I want to know if others would be ok with it in this situation. Friends in real life also said they'd not like to.

YANBU = I wouldn't want to do that
YABU = I would be happy to share a room with a stranger

OP posts:
BarbedBloom · 11/01/2020 13:31

There is no way I would do this, especially sharing a bathroom. I refused to do this for work too. I am not comfortable sharing a room with anyone except my husband, including friends. I was sexually assaulted in my sleep and now I will not share with anyone, even another female. I cannot sleep if I do

BovaryX · 11/01/2020 13:34

Absolutely no way would I agree to this. Sharing a hotel room with a stranger? Hell no

CharlotteMD · 11/01/2020 13:36

I shouldn't think men would give it a second thought but as a female you'd need to satisfy yourself that wouldn't be bunking down with Harvey Weinstein. Smile

TodayNoMore · 11/01/2020 13:36

Had to do this when I was much younger. Got put with someone who, though pleasant, turned out to be a religious nutter, and wouldn't stop preaching at me all the time. What made it worse was finding out that the guys had been given rooms to themselves.

Would never agree to it now, and also would not be offering to pay the difference.

Roselilly36 · 11/01/2020 13:44

No way, charity or not.

eminencegrise · 11/01/2020 13:49

No way! I have IBS and terrible insomnia. This would be a definite no for me.

busybarbara · 11/01/2020 14:05

take of my bra and fart and have a giant stinky poo and shower when I want and all the rest of it. You can't do that sharing with a complete stranger.

Well you could and that would be a very interesting move Grin I know what you mean though, I marinate to get to sleep every night and I don’t think it’s fair doing that with someone else in the room

Ginfordinner · 11/01/2020 14:22

Marinate in what?

Ginfordinner · 11/01/2020 14:22

Or was that an auto-correct? Grin

Findumdum1 · 11/01/2020 14:30

I had to do this recently with a new job and a random work colleague I had never met from a different country. She was perfectly nice but I didn't enjoy it if I'm honest and Ive said to the company I wont do it again (lots of people gave the same feedback). In my teens and twenties I crashed all over the place and wouldn't have batted an eyelid. I'm in my forties now and need my own space, I discovered.

thenightsky · 11/01/2020 14:31

Marinate? I take it you mean masturbate. Grin

Silvercatowner · 11/01/2020 14:53

I'd have no problem sharing with a woman stranger. We'd be mates by the end.

Oh my goodness that's a bit League of Gentleman!!

Twillow · 11/01/2020 14:59

I wouldn't be terribly excited about it, but for a charity and a single night I don't think it would be the end of the world. There is no way in hell I would or that they would/could make you share with the opposite sex, though.

Wingedharpy · 11/01/2020 15:08

@busybarbara :Asses milk or some other product?😊

returnofthecat · 11/01/2020 15:09

I once worked for a huge company who expected us to share rooms with colleagues. We're talking a huge company with healthy profits.

I said no, and I eventually left. I felt very uncomfortable.

In this case, if it was a charity I really, really, really wanted to support, I'd ask if they could subsidise a single room with the twin budget allowance (i.e. if they downgraded the other person to a single, what would be the difference between a twin and a single?) and pay the difference.

Here though, as overnight travel seems to be a regular thing, I'd probably bow out. I wouldn't really want to be paying for hotels on a regular basis.

Oct18mummy · 11/01/2020 15:11

I’ve done charity work which involved a week and then a 2 week stay away in a hotel each time was with same sex strangers. The thought is a bit odd but I was lucky to be paired with people who are now life long friends. Just bring some snacks etc and a gift for your room mate and I’m sure you will be friends before you know it.

If you are super anxious then pay for your own room. It’s is a charity event after all.

iolaus · 11/01/2020 15:26

I've gone to meet up of a association I'm a member of where they rented a huge house for a week - shared a bedroom with a person I'd never met before.

It didn't bother me and I didn't feel unsafe with it

They did say if you knew someone going and wanted to room together let them know - do you know anyone on the training

iolaus · 11/01/2020 15:27

BTW I voted YABU as you said to vote that way if you would be happy to do it - and I would. However I don't think you are weird for not wanting it either

Teajenny1 · 11/01/2020 15:33

Wouldn’t bother me, I’ve shared rooms with strangers I’ve met in the street or on a train - even shared beds with folk I’ve hardly known (not men) or literally just met.

Saying that, you’re perfectly entitled not to feel comfortable and to want your privacy.

StartOfRoaringTwenties · 11/01/2020 16:02

I had to share a room as a mature student with a total stranger for a whole year at university - it was fun and absolutely fine

Iwannatellyouastory · 11/01/2020 17:21

I’ve been away for a weekend on a retreat (like yoga but not yoga) big house rented, most bedrooms shared but a small no of singles. You were given the option of sharing a room, with a friend if you knew someone else in the retreat, or paying a supplement for a single room. I opted to share I didn’t know the woman I shared with but because we had the shared interest I knew it would be fine, and it was fine. Bathroom was shared between two rooms and it all worked well.

nocoolnamesleft · 11/01/2020 17:24

I would be reluctant to share with a same sex stranger. I would not share with a male stranger.

Purpleartichoke · 11/01/2020 17:26

I absolutely would not do it.

Mlou32 · 11/01/2020 17:28

@Lionsleepstonight I voted to say I'd be ok with the idea. I don't know why, It just wouldn't bother me. Like of course I'd prefer my own room, but if I got allocated a twin share, it wouldn't overly bother me. Maybe something to do with the fact that I've done lots of overseas solo backpacking trips for months at a time and during these trips, joined onto tour groups and at times have had to do a twin share with a random. I also stayed in numerous dorms while staying up the east coast of Australia during my gap year. At uni, I also shared a room in my first year halls of residence. So I'm well used to it.

It really wouldn't bother me however I can understand why some people would be funny about it, we all have different feelings about these things.

user1471449295 · 11/01/2020 17:30

I wouldn’t share a room with a stranger. If I really wanted to go I’d book my own room