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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sharing a hotel room with a stranger

332 replies

nomorespaghetti · 11/01/2020 08:40

I've signed up to do some volunteering for a large national charity. I need to attend a training weekend for it about 2 hours away from where I live. It will involve one overnight stay. The charity will pay for train travel and overnight accommodation, but they've asked that volunteers share a twin bed room with another volunteer to keep costs down. It doesn't specify that it'd be a person of the same sex (but I'd hope so!)

The thought of sharing a hotel room with a stranger makes me feel super anxious. I wouldn't mind doing it if it was someone I knew, a work colleague for example. And I've stayed in hostels before (many years ago in my youth!)

I've no issue with telling them that I'm not comfortable doing it. But I want to know if others would be ok with it in this situation. Friends in real life also said they'd not like to.

YANBU = I wouldn't want to do that
YABU = I would be happy to share a room with a stranger

OP posts:
BrokenWing · 12/01/2020 18:59

Sharing would be a no for me, i would ask if any singles are available, if not then consider paying for your own accommodation or withdrawing.

Is there something local you can do for the charity instead?

1forAll74 · 12/01/2020 19:08

I wouldn't like it, unless I could take my cat, she sleeps at the end of my bed, ha ha

NeckPainChairSearch · 12/01/2020 19:10

Nope. No way. Another that would offer to pay the difference.

Janualla · 12/01/2020 19:16

No. I need my space and privacy. I have done this in the past and never really been happy with it.

kateandme · 12/01/2020 19:23

nope.but trust me they wouldn't want to share with me!

DuchessofWoke · 12/01/2020 19:24

even though I'm an introvert, it's just one night and it might even be fun

This jumped out at me from several pages ago. I’d be especially put off by sharing with someone who thought we’d be having “fun”.

QuiteGood · 12/01/2020 19:34

No from me from a privacy & dignity point of view. Personally I wouldn't be able to use the toilet if sharing with a stranger. I couldn't do it & I wouldn't sleep.

Loads of people need privacy for a while host of reasons that they shouldn't have to explain eg. False teeth wearers might not want to publicly reveal they wear them have to remove them ion front of someone they don't know. Likewise wig wearers.

It's not ok. You should be given choice.

MrsJoshNavidi · 12/01/2020 19:36

bedroom sharing expectations is one of the biggest cultural changes in society
I agree, and it's happened within a couple of generations. My grandparents wouldn't have thought twice about sharing a room with a stranger, but I wouldn't want to.

It's a first world thing though, possibly a western Europe thing. Several of the eastern European (Czech, Slovak, Polish etc) au pairs who lived with us were delighted with their small bedroom. In their early to mid twenties, it was the first time they'd ever had a room of their own, and in one case a bed. Most of these girls had been away to university too.

ChildPsych101 · 12/01/2020 19:44

You have no idea who these people are. While I'd like to believe that the charity vets people, that still wouldn't be a guarantee. Better if it was a larger room with multiple people.
For transparency, I have shared a hotel room with an almost-stranger once, but it was someone I already vaguely knew from a convention, someone the same gender, and it was my choice to invite her to crash on the spare bed for the few hours before her flight (because I didn't want her walking alone in the dark).
Personally, I wouldn't agree to share a room with anyone I hadn't met before, especially if it was arranged by a third party.

3rdNamechange · 12/01/2020 19:47

@DuchessofWoke , exactly

windycuntryside · 12/01/2020 19:52

I would ask for a single occupancy, you never know. You are giving up your time for free, for every £1 they spend on volunteers they will be saving compared to paid employees.
They should ask, those you mind and those who do not, arrange as appropriate. I volunteer and have never been treated like an “expense”. Ever.

rookiemere · 12/01/2020 19:57

I don't think not wanting to share is so much a generational thing as an age issue. In my 20s I'd happily have shared a room with a stranger, now in my 40s not so much - plus I can afford to pay for my own room if needed. However on holiday with friends i'm happy to share a room.

bananasplitsallround · 12/01/2020 20:07

I wouldn’t do it. Totally inappropriate, charity or not.

McCanne · 12/01/2020 20:10

I wouldn’t have wanted to share with a stranger at any stage in my life. It would be excruciating for me. I’m going on a hen weekend soon and most are in shared rooms but I’m happy to pay the extra for my own room.

I understand about keeping costs down on the part of the charity, but yanbu either.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 12/01/2020 20:41

Sod that!!

jillybeanclevertips · 12/01/2020 21:05

I can't imagine anybody wanting to share a room with me, I snore, I cough, I fart. I'd be too embarrassed to look a roomie in the eye. Sharing is OK for kids, but for adults,NO WAY.

lottiegarbanzo · 12/01/2020 21:07

In the 1990s it was normal at some UK universities for students to share rooms with previously unkown, same sex room-mates (with one or two bathrooms per corridor, so no concerns about your room-mate hearing you on the loo). Does that not happen anymore?

Adventure holiday companies typically booked single clients of all ages into same-sex twin rooms in the 2000s. There was probably an option to pay a single supplement but it wasn't the norm.

So maybe this is generational, maybe a bit to do with age, maybe inversely related to past adventurousness and related expectations.

I'd rather have a single room, of course but I wouldn't be that bothered about a twin. I'd expect to be busy all day and evening and literally only in there to sleep.

TidaQuel · 12/01/2020 21:13

Do companies often make people share? When I’ve been away with previous employers (and it was a lot) we all got our own rooms, never shared. I’ve a night away with my new company and assumed I’d bee own rooms- didn’t think to ask but have been feeling really anxious all day in case I’m expected to share next week. I don’t think I’ll be able to.

lottiegarbanzo · 12/01/2020 21:27

I think it would be very unusual for a company to do that.

Natsku · 12/01/2020 21:30

I wouldn't like it but I'd do it, provided it was same sex of course. Had to do it when going on a group holiday, became friends with the woman I was sharing with.

rookiemere · 12/01/2020 21:57

Apparently at the financial institution I work at, it was very common to expect junior bank staff to share rooms and even beds when away on training. Apparently sometimes they were even expected to share with the opposite sex. Still at least that was marginally better than having to do a 4hr each way drive to deliver training and then be expected to drive back on the same day which someone said they were told to do, and indeed did on a regular basis.

Blackbear19 · 12/01/2020 22:01

I actually think its totally different if you are doing it by your own choice to save your own money. For some the option to share a room at Uni or on a holiday may be the only way people could have afforded to go to Uni or Holiday.

But if a company or organisation is sending you somewhere I'd at the very least expect to be asked, "Do you mind sharing a room?"

JFM27 · 12/01/2020 22:19

No id feel same as you.sharing with a stranger,no thanks.When i was in my,20s i used to go on cruises and i shared cabins with people i didnt know,but i was younger and more tolerant then,got quite friendly with some of the people,still stay in touch with one woman.But now older no thanks,i dont even like sharing with a friend,even a close one.Id pay the difference or consider as volunteering for free,surely they should be prepared to pay expenses,Look at salaries they pay people at top in charites.I think id find another charity.

ElluesPichulobu · 12/01/2020 22:52

if the thing they want to train you to do isn't worth £50 of the charity's money to pay for a private room for your privacy and dignity while being trained then the thing you are volunteering to do is not worth your effort.

volunteer somewhere where the value being added by your volunteering efforts are large enough thay the charity would be happy to invest in getting you trained up without this undignified penny pinching

Blackbear19 · 12/01/2020 23:04

ElluesPichulobu - well said!

OP What's the training worth to YOU? Is it something that you'd be able to take into the private sector with you?

What I'm really trying to say, if its say training for a role working with kids and you have a long term plan to become a teacher or something then I'd maybe suck it up. It's only one night.

However if your retired or already in a professional career and unlikely to change career and the training is purely for the charities benefit I think I'd find somewhere else to volunteer.