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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sharing a hotel room with a stranger

332 replies

nomorespaghetti · 11/01/2020 08:40

I've signed up to do some volunteering for a large national charity. I need to attend a training weekend for it about 2 hours away from where I live. It will involve one overnight stay. The charity will pay for train travel and overnight accommodation, but they've asked that volunteers share a twin bed room with another volunteer to keep costs down. It doesn't specify that it'd be a person of the same sex (but I'd hope so!)

The thought of sharing a hotel room with a stranger makes me feel super anxious. I wouldn't mind doing it if it was someone I knew, a work colleague for example. And I've stayed in hostels before (many years ago in my youth!)

I've no issue with telling them that I'm not comfortable doing it. But I want to know if others would be ok with it in this situation. Friends in real life also said they'd not like to.

YANBU = I wouldn't want to do that
YABU = I would be happy to share a room with a stranger

OP posts:
Poorolddaddypig · 12/01/2020 00:02

I wouldn’t mind, but I spent a fair few years backpacking and like PP who was in the army, can sleep literally anywhere

fargo123 · 12/01/2020 02:39

I disagree that the OP should fund the difference. She's giving up a lot of time to work for that charity, time that other people would be paid for. Now people expect her to pay for own single room, too?

Exactly. The OP and other volunteers will (potentially) be giving the charity many, many hours of free labour during their time there. The least they can do is provide the volunteers with their own rooms on training courses.

I would not attend, and would quit the charity, if this was enforced. At the absolute very least I would not run the risk of sharing with a snorer.

CharlotteMD · 12/01/2020 02:52

i was involved with a charity until I found out that the person who was responsible for recruiting and retaining volunteers was being paid £50k. So , if it's a big charity, I wouldn't be shy in telling them that you need a room to yourself.

topcat2014 · 12/01/2020 07:24

@charlottemd was that person good though? If they are putting bids in all the time and winning them that is worth money.

Would rather pay 50k and win 250k than watch 25k pa run out the door

FlowerArranger · 12/01/2020 07:41

£50k is not a huge salary for a senior administrator with significant responsibilities...

WelcomeToCranford · 12/01/2020 09:42

Charities and non-profit organisations still have to pay market rates or it won't attract professional, competent staff. Not everyone can work for free.

sunshine11 · 12/01/2020 17:31

Aargh. What if it’s same sex but you get someone who is transgender?!

fluffiphlox · 12/01/2020 17:32

I had to share with a stranger as a graduate trainee in retail about 400 years ago and it was fine as a young person. I wouldn’t do it now and I don’t think they should expect you to. Just say ‘no’. I think as a volunteer you should be given good treatment not second best.

Andpppy · 12/01/2020 17:36

I’d treat it as a life experience or offer to pay the difference. I wouldn’t post up for it to be debated on here. The charity is trying to do the right thing for those it is seeking to help by trying to limit its overhead. Either embrace that, pay the difference, note they are looking for volunteers only if it’s vital you attend at it would be a massive issue if you had to share or work out how to help in some other way. It’s not complicated.

maureen17 · 12/01/2020 17:45

some years ago i was offered a job for a high profile american company ... they expected us to share rooms as bonding ... I told them no! I had never shared a room with family and the only time I had shared with anyone was at guide camp in a tent!
It's a big no from me.x

Purplepenguins · 12/01/2020 17:49

I can see why you wouldn't want to but as a foster kid, that was my life so I would be ok with a same sex share.

SadlyMissTaken · 12/01/2020 17:51

I wonder if the 50k salaried person is expected to share a room. I would bet they aren't and I think volunteers should be given the option.

Findumdum1 · 12/01/2020 17:52

I earn more than that and the company did (also American).

Everyone from the UK kicked off though and they've said we wont have to again.

LadyLightning · 12/01/2020 17:59

You better tell them now so it doesnt keep happening. I wouldnt want to do it either. Pay the difference if they will let you.

cherish123 · 12/01/2020 17:59

No. I would not if you are not comfortable. It will be costly for the charity for you to attend the course anyway. Could you do the training online?

Ated · 12/01/2020 18:13

They might help you.

Mamboitaliano · 12/01/2020 18:15

I wouldn't share a room with anyone I wasn't involved or in close family with - known or unknown - for any reason other than dire need (which this isn't).

Twinkled · 12/01/2020 18:17

I would not be comfortable sharing with a stranger I would not be relaxed . The charity seems to be changing the goal posts in temsof your commitment and you say ' there is more travel' . Why not look for a different charity to support it and / or make it clear that you do not want to travel

Italiangreyhound · 12/01/2020 18:18

I wouldn't share with a random person now. If they are a charity could they do a deal with the accommodation for a special rate. Then the hotel can publicize their charitable activity on their website etc. Some organisations have a budget for this.

UnaCorda · 12/01/2020 18:22

If it's for charity they will want to save as much money as possible, so for that reason I think YABU. If you want a room to yourself you need to foot the bill, you can't expect the charity to pay for you.

The charity is already saving money by having people such as the OP working for them for free.

Aridane · 12/01/2020 18:26

I would be ok with this so long as it were a stranger in the same organisation and not someone I work directly with or otherwise now

Barney60 · 12/01/2020 18:32

no no and again no.

UnaCorda · 12/01/2020 18:34

I marinate to get to sleep every night and I don’t think it’s fair doing that with someone else in the room.

Yes, I guess if your marinade included garlic or ginger it might be a bit pungent.

fascinated · 12/01/2020 18:37

Check it’s really same sex and not just same gender (which could mean a transwoman who is still intact).

zarek · 12/01/2020 18:43

Not ideal. If they make it clear it is same sex, known colleagues, then just maybe. I did this earlier in my career without blinking and eye. Think it was triples mind. But think you should be able to say you are not comfortable with it without any discrimination

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