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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think British folk don't tolerate "privileged complaining" like the US?

251 replies

GinDaddy · 09/01/2020 12:28

yes this is another topic partially related to Duke/Duchess of Sussex. If you don't like this, apologies in advance

I read a thread on here titled "The racists have won" regarding Harry and Meghan's withdrawl from public life.

AIBU to have a different perspective entirely? That their thin-skinnedness and endless preaching about the issuesdrew more vitriol towards them - and their whole approach was very badly suited to British life?

Bear with me :

Yes as a mixed-race (white/caribbean) person, I winced at the "outta Compton" headlines that greeted the latest addition to the Firm. I despaired at the "blood-thickening" comments that were made about Meghan's heritage and any children.

I'm not suggesting that any of this could simply be overlooked, and for sure it has an impact on a person's mental health.

Yet it precipitated dozens of column inches and angry statements from Harry, with strange and emotive allusions to his mother's death. It triggered that dreadful ITV stuff where Meghan says her and Harry are "existing, not living" - a comment which was extraordinary when you consider some of the challenges British people face. (Who is advising these people here?!)

Such commentary may be described as "woke" in the US. It might be considered on-trend to speak out and stand up to such things.

However in the UK, I feel it's more a country of deeds not words . To borrow a cricket analogy, being in UK public life is a bit like Test cricket. You can't come out on the attack or you'll lose your wicket within the hour. Instead, you will get bouncers hurled at you for the first few sessions of your innings, and you have to bat time and survive, dig in, and then start to accumulate once you've seen off a few.

AIBU to think Harry and Meghan could have ridden all this out if they had quietly gone about public life, working on a few select British-focused charities, supporting those closest to succession, and simply following the Duchess of Cambridge approach? You might be "Waity Katy" when we first meet you, but in time you'll be accepted because it's the British way to take the piss, then quietly treat you as a mate once time has passed.

I might be VU here as I realise they've had a rougher ride than most. But all this emotion seems to have led them into a corner where they've lashed out.

AIBU to think it's kind of in the British culture not to endlessly hand-wring in public in this regard?

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 09/01/2020 17:40

Betting on whether couples get divorced or not is shitty behaviour.

Devereux1 · 09/01/2020 17:45

Betting on whether couples get divorced or not is shitty behaviour
Why?

LaurieMarlow · 09/01/2020 17:46

You need me to tell you that? Hmm

Dear lord.

Devereux1 · 09/01/2020 17:47

You need me to tell you that?

No, I don't need you to tell me that. You have made a statement and I am asking you to support your statement with a reason.

Can you?

bingowingsmcgee · 09/01/2020 17:48

I think they've done the right thing and a lot of the criticism is just jealousy that they're a happy, close couple and not objects for us to study anymore. Good for Harry for having the balls to break away and good for Meghan for making him happy and giving him his own family.

YeOldeTrout · 09/01/2020 17:49

Are the haters happy? Or if not happy, why not? You won, got what you wanted. Y still moaning abt the Sussexes. Will you miss your hate target?

LaurieMarlow · 09/01/2020 17:52

i am asking you to support your statement with a reason

So for the morally bankrupt.

Making a quick buck/having a laugh out of the hurt and conflict of divorce (thinking not only of the couple, but the impact on children etc) is not the type of thing decent people do.

HappySonHappyMum · 09/01/2020 17:52

For all those suggesting Harry is behaving this way because the press killed his Mum and he wants to protect his family from the same fate may I remind you that his brother seems to be coping with it just fine. It seems that respect, responsibility, loyalty and service are not in this couples vocabulary. Harry knows about service to his country which is why I struggle to understand how he can abandon the family he has been bought up in. The disrespect Harry has shown to the Queen and his father beggars belief. And peddling the family name, monetising brand 'Sussex Royal' makes me sick to my stomach.

FourTeaFallOut · 09/01/2020 17:56

for the morally bankrupt

I wonder if it's more or less morally bankrupt if I combine it with a bet that Kate will have another baby and Andrew will be locked away in the tower have gone incognito within those same years? What would the moral debt payout be on that? Hmm

Devereux1 · 09/01/2020 17:57

LaurieMarlow
So for the morally bankrupt. They're really lovely people actually. Grin
Making a quick buck/having a laugh out of the hurt and conflict of divorce They're not though are they? They're betting about the outcome of divorce proceedings.
is not the type of thing decent people do That's just a re-phrase of your original comment which I asked you about.

pallisers · 09/01/2020 18:03

For all those suggesting Harry is behaving this way because the press killed his Mum and he wants to protect his family from the same fate may I remind you that his brother seems to be coping with it just fine

people react differently to trauma. We have no idea how William copes or the effect it has had on his life.

The wailing and condemnation about the 6th in line to the throne bowing out is incredible to an outsider. What kind of person would care about this?

Age 12 in the immediate aftermath of his mother's tragic death, he put on a suit and went out to look at the wailing crowd and the stinking flowers and then later walked behind his mother's coffin so the public could get their pound of flesh. He was made to do this because the monarchy was having a public relations nightmare. I'd say he's paid his debt to the firm.

LaurieMarlow · 09/01/2020 18:03

They're betting about the outcome of divorce proceedings.

Oh that’s so much better Hmm

Look, I’m getting a good impression of the kind of person you are from this thread and if doesn’t surprise me that you have no idea why a quick buck/laugh out of other people’s misery is poor behaviour.

Takes all sorts as they say Wink

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/01/2020 18:05

As for trademarking the Royal Sussex brand, I can't see how it's any different from Charles and his Duchy of Cornwall

Because however much some of us wish he wasn't, Charles is a committed member of the RF and apparently intends to remain so. He also maintains that all his sales are for charity, though personally I don't believe that any more than I'd believe the same claim if made by the Sussexes

As so many have said, it's not the wishing to leave that's the issue; it's the "cake and eat it" situation, the vulgar and very obvious grifting and the way they're handling it in general

Somanysocks · 09/01/2020 18:06

Without reading the full thread so don't know if this has been said but sorry if it has I think that Meghan thought being in the Royal family would be similar to being a celebrity. She probably didn't expect the type of scrutiny the Royals get.

Plumbus · 09/01/2020 18:06

British people really don’t like hypocrisy.

They certainly don’t like hypocritical, entitled, virtue-signalling multi-millionaire celebrities preaching at them to change their lifestyles while using private jets themselves.

They definitely don’t like the same celebrities moaning about how awful their privileged lives are while ordinary people struggle to make ends meet.

Summarises my thoughts.

Devereux1 · 09/01/2020 18:07

They're betting about the outcome of divorce proceedings.
Oh that’s so much better

Yes, betting on an outcome is very different than having a laugh out of the hurt and conflict of divorce which is the situation you made up in your head and reacted against (bizarre, but there you go).

and if doesn’t surprise me that you have no idea why a quick buck/laugh out of other people’s misery
Oh dear. Despite it not being said, and my correcting you on your fabrication, you've repeated your fantasy and are still getting angry about something in your head.

I'm getting a very good impression of the kind of person you are too. Hmm Wine

pallisers · 09/01/2020 18:09

British people really don’t like hypocrisy.

Aren't the british people great. I wish other countries really didn't like hypocrisy. Do you think it just hasn't occurred to them? Maybe the british should educate them about it.

LaurieMarlow · 09/01/2020 18:11

Yes, betting on an outcome is very different than having a laugh out of the hurt and conflict of divorce

No it isn’t, because they’re assuming a divorce (with the pain/misery that entails).

I thank my stars I don’t know some posters on here in real life. This thread is full of them. Grin

Devereux1 · 09/01/2020 18:15

Yes, betting on an outcome is very different than having a laugh out of the hurt and conflict of divorce
No it isn’t, because they’re assuming a divorce (with the pain/misery that entails).

Here's the difference:

A. Let's bet on whether Harry and Meghan divorce. Yes or no?
B. Ha ha ha, oh look, they're really suffering and in pain, isn't that funny, ha ha ha, what fun!

See the difference? No? Oh, ok.. GinWineHmm

BeardedMum · 09/01/2020 18:18

Good for them and especially Meghan for not putting up with all the shit and the British gutter press.

FourTeaFallOut · 09/01/2020 18:21

I could lay a bet that the earth's climate will rise more than 3 degrees in the next 50years, it doesn't mean I'd be pissing rainbows at the prospect.

LaurieMarlow · 09/01/2020 18:23

See the difference

Do you don’t get that A depends upon B actually happening?

I mean, can’t say I’m surprised tbh.

Devereux1 · 09/01/2020 18:27

See the difference
Do you don’t get that A depends upon B actually happening?

No, people betting on either a divorce happens or not does not depend on them laughing and joking about pain and conflict.

Are you alright? GinGinWineGinWine

LaurieMarlow · 09/01/2020 18:28

Ok, sigh, too hard of thinking. Take care of yourself now Wink

Devereux1 · 09/01/2020 18:30

Ok, sigh, too hard of thinking.
I know, it was clearly hard for you. A =/= B.

Take care of yourself now
Will do. Remember, couple of aspirin, raw egg, tomato juice, knock it all back tomorrow morning. Wink