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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boys in ballet - really fucking annoyed

569 replies

Boyscandoballettoo · 09/01/2020 07:33

Please excuse the ranty tone of this thread - I have just had enough! Took my male toddler to a ballet class, and the number of negative comments or comments laughing about it from so-called family and friends has been overwhelming.

Please can people tell me AIBU to think it’s a bloody unisex sport?!? There have always been male ballet dancers! I do NOT understand the ignorance over it and even if it were a female sport traditionally, how dare people be so bloody sexist and make fun of a boy for joining in.

I don’t know why but it’s really pushing my buttons!

OP posts:
Ibloodylovewomen · 09/01/2020 10:13

A friend whose son does ballet is regularly asked if he is trans, because ballet is for girls perhaps he was born in the wrong body Hmm

beachysandy81 · 09/01/2020 10:16

Stupid comments that are a reflection on them, not you and your son. Just ignore.

Catsandchardonnay · 09/01/2020 10:16

Some people are thick dinosaurs. We got Brexit and Boris Johnson as PM remember.

Justanothernameonthepage · 09/01/2020 10:17

A little boy has just started at the same class as my little girl and he was amazingly good, concentrated and followed instructions (much better than my daughter and plenty of others). Apparently he saw the cbeebies ballet on TV and begged for lessons. I do hope his Mum isn't put off bringing him by idiots who are determined to pigeonhole children before they start school and who would prefer children to be miserable at something they hate instead of enjoying something they love

DuMondeB · 09/01/2020 10:18

Boys within the dance world are often favoured over girls (due to scarcity rather than sexism) so if your son sticks at it, he will get lots of positive reinforcement from teachers/examiners/festival judges. That will balance out some of the negativity from family!

stouffer · 09/01/2020 10:20

@Justkeeprollingalong - yes, as @TheGreyInThisCity recognised, this was a joke. Probably not a good one in the circumstances, but a play on the gender/masculinity conflict that Billy Elliot explored so well. We have the son of a miner who is being pushed into being a boxer when all he wants to do is dance. The one time he does actually hit someone it’s some harmless kid at the ballet school who’s just trying to be nice.

I loved that film - apart from being a classic “breaking the mold” adventure it’s full of emotional little set pieces like the hard as nails father smashing up the piano so they can heat the house and then weeping over it as he mourns his late wife. Perfect.

Sorry for any misunderstanding.

CosmoK · 09/01/2020 10:21

Some people are thick dinosaurs. We got Brexit and Boris Johnson as PM remember

What an ironic statement on a thread where we are all talking about challenging dangerous stereotypes

stouffer · 09/01/2020 10:22

Oh and male ballet dancers are arguably among the most highly trained athletes in the world, far more so than footballers. They have to be, what they do is so physically demanding. I wouldn’t want to get into a scrap with one, that’s for sure.

lottiegarbanzo · 09/01/2020 10:23

Well, it's a handy short-cut to outing all the homophobes in your circle, isn't it?

AryaStarkWolf · 09/01/2020 10:23

I wouldn't have considered it a sport either, it's a dance/art a performance you see in theatres. Never heard it referred to as a sport

Original poster
Boyscandoballettoo · 09/01/2020 10:23

Oh, come on. I'm really not having a go at you. There is nothing wrong with being against stereotyping of roles. It comes through very firmly in your post - you just may not be aware of it

I am a SAHM and my husband is the sole earner. I am very traditionally feminine in dress and I do all the “traditionally feminine” things like baking etc (which I want DS to do too!). I really don’t come across someone who is against gender stereotyping: this whole situation has surprised me by the strength of my reaction.

OP posts:
CosmoK · 09/01/2020 10:24

Ballet is not a sport. Neither is any other form of dance

Have you ever participated in dance at the very top level? It's a sport

AryaStarkWolf · 09/01/2020 10:24

But yeah on topic, male dancers are vital, ignore the stupid comments

madeyemoodysmum · 09/01/2020 10:26

They are idiots op

If your son is enjoying himself that's the main thing. Ignore!!!

Justaboy · 09/01/2020 10:26

Typical cultural ignorance that previals in the UK:(

If it were Russia however!

CosmoK · 09/01/2020 10:27

I wouldn't have considered it a sport either, it's a dance/art a performance you see in theatres. Never heard it referred to as a sport

My dancers compete...they train like athletes. Most of them have never perfomed in a theatre

MissKittyBeaudelais · 09/01/2020 10:27

If your son enjoys it and wants to go, bollocks to anyone else.

I was a professional ballet dancer. Attended same school as Darcey Bussell. Love it. Got paid to do something I loved, every day. Don’t underestimate the work involved though, should he want to progress.

Original poster
Boyscandoballettoo · 09/01/2020 10:28

Some of these comments are just what the fuck!

I shouldn’t be annoyed or surprised by rife sexism and comments ridiculing a toddler in a bloody ballet class? Really?

DS also didn’t choose to do swimming, and I’m sure he won’t choose to do rugby tots either, or horse riding - but he goes because they are good activities and I want him to experience as much as possible and then decide what he does and does not like.

Can’t believe how people are fixating on my casual use of the word “sport” and making it a thing. It’s completely irrelevant to the point of the post.

I really appreciate everyone’s opinions and the support in this thread, and to hear about little boys who like ballet etc.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 09/01/2020 10:28

'Wonderful to hear about the boys doing well in ballet. That would be the dream!'

He's a toddler it's just for fun surely

madeyemoodysmum · 09/01/2020 10:28

To the poster that claims ballet is not a sport.
Have you seen professional ballet? Have you even looked at the male bodies. They are as fit if not fitter than any footballer I've ever seen.

1forsorrow · 09/01/2020 10:29

Laughing at the idea dance isn't competitive. Go along to a dance competition and tell them that.

PhilSwagielka · 09/01/2020 10:29

People are so weird about ballet. They think it's wimpy and girly, but it's very physically demanding, loads of men do it - Rio Ferdinand did it as a child and he's hardly a wimp - and you have to be quite strong to be a male ballet dancer because some dances require you to lift female dancers. I don't know if men do pointe work but women do and it wrecks their feet.

If he enjoys it, where's the harm?

mumwon · 09/01/2020 10:29

don't some footballers do ballet exercise to get fit/flexible?

RusselHoward · 09/01/2020 10:32

I know a successful male ballet dancer and he is more athletic, strong, disciplined than any other 'sporty' man I know - what they have to do is absolutely killer and real endurance.

The people giving you comments have clearly never actually seen a ballet, the major shows are generally 50/50 male and female dancers.

BovaryX · 09/01/2020 10:32

I agree with PP who are saying that if he sticks at it, he will have an advantage. Two of the boys at my ballet class ended up in the Royal Ballet. The people making fun of him are idiotic and I am surprised by how regressive attitudes on this are still common. It’s an excellent exercise, an elegant art form and great to start so young