To feel guilty my 8 year old cannot swim.

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He absolutely loves the water, no confidence issues. He has autism and cannot swim. He cannot seem to pick it up easily. Admittedly we don’t take him as much as we should but he does swimming with school.. he does have motor skill issues.

I have thought about lessons but he wouldn’t work well in a group. He needs one to one lessons but can’t find any availability close by but I will put his name down.

Is this really bad? Not really aibu I apologise but I’m just stressing about it now!

He loves the water just cannot swim.

It’s not really bad, My DD started to learn ‘properly’ ie consistently aged 7 in a small class of 3.
We had a couple of false starts before then when she was 3 then 6 when she got so worked up and completely refused to get in the pool. I think he’ll be better in in 1:1 from what you’ve said, as he’ll get more attention.

It's not really bad; it's life. Not everyone has every skill at the same time.

Instead of feeling rotten about it work out how you can help build his motor skills; keep taking him swimming, keep it fun and he will start to build those skills eventually.

DS1 has ASD and is 14 - at 7 he couldn't swim and his 5 years younger brother was more buoyant than he was. Now he's 14 he competes in galas for our local club and his school because once he got it, he got it with speed and overtook all the children his own age. It will happen.

Are you confident enough to teach him one to one yourself?
If he fell into water does he have enough skill to get himself out or stay buoyant? A traditional swimming stroke is not that important if he can stay safe so I wouldn’t worry too much.

My 7 (8 in April) year old can't swim. No autism or anything else. Completely my fault as we just don't go enough!

My 7 year old can't swim. He hates water on his face. Which is my fault.

Don't beat yourself up too much. Theres plenty time.

Don't feel guilty, he has enough challenges to be getting on with, and learning to swim, processing information is difficult in a very stimulating environment even without co-ordination issues being common with autism.

Keep going and having fun until you can find some suitable lessons.

I didn't learn until I was 16; I needed 1:1 with an instructor in the water to show me how to swim rather than standing on the side, shouting and thrashing around.

It's good you feel guilty because that will hopefully help you to help him to learn.

IMO swimming is a life skill. The fact he loves the water is a double edged sword. He's happy in the water but not safe. Happy is fantastic. You've got something to work with.

Look at taking him more and getting him 1:1 or a small class if you can afford it

My 8 year old cant swim. Swimming lessons cost a fortune and would require me and younger sibling to take eldest to the pool and wait there every week, which I don't think is fair on the younger one. I'm going to take him to a one week crash course in the summer, plus he will be doing swimming with school this year.

Try a local swim club, Dds one teaches all the way from grade 1 to national competition swimmers and they are much cheaper than council / leisure pool lessons.Some of the teachers at Dds club specialise in working with children with additional needs because of their day job too.

DD didn't start lessons until she was 7, started competitive swimming at 9 so it's not too late. In our area it isn't unusual despite living near the sea she had a swimming pool party and none of the other children from school could swim.

Keep at it. It might take him more time than average to pick it up, but persevere, I really agree with previous posters that it’s an essential life skill. I’m dyspraxic (though only diagnosed in adulthood) and my parents gave up trying to get me to learn. As an adult, I’ve found it really quite detrimental. I just returned from a dream holiday in Phuket where friends wanted to do water-based activities like snorkelling, sea swimming, sea kayaking and so on, and I really struggled with all of it. I’m fine to do a slow breaststroke in a pool which I learned recently, and doggy paddle if need be, but the open sea is actually a really terrifying place when you don’t swim well and whilst your DS may not have confidence issues now in a pool, if he ever finds himself in open water he can’t handle he may well panic - I did at a couple of points.

Lots of children can't swim at 8. My son is a bit younger (6) and he can swim well but a lot in his class can't.

Put his name down for 1:1 lessons. My son started with the leisure centre in a group lesson of about 6 and to be honest, it was hopeless- more time holding the side than swimming, not enough teaching them actual skills and too much time using armbands and woggles. I swapped him to a 1:1 lesson with swimming nature and he has been there for 6 months and is thriving -the difference is amazing so I would definitely hold out for individual lessons.

Don't feel bad about it -some kids just take longer than others to get it.

My children all swim, but I didn't at 8. Same reason as many, I didn't like the water on my face it was a bit embarrassing in senior school when I was clearly the worst swimmer but I didn't really care and I can swim now. Not enough to save anyone, but this is why I made sure my children are all good, so they can save me

My 8 year old can not really swim, he can underwater but not on top.
I did take him to lessons but he wouldn't listen so I gave up. I am hoping the school with have better luck with his lessons this year.

I think at 8 you should’ve got him to learn to swim by now , either through private lessons or teaching him yourself .
It could save his life .

My 8 year old can't swim, she is very anxious about the water. I was exactly the same at that age, so I have just worked on encouraging her to have fun in the water. We have had small group lessons more than once but they just move at too fast a pace for her and she gets anxious again. She's due to start swimming with school this term. About a quarter to one third of the class do not yet know how to swim. I am sure that they will all get there in their own time.

I do feel guilty about it sometimes, but as a pp said, every child learns different skills at different times.

Do they do lessons at school ? My 8 year old is and a lot of kids didn’t know how to swim or couldn’t swim well .

Obviously it would be better if he could swim, but given the circumstances, it's completely understandable that he can't yet. Nothing to feel guilty about.

I wouldn’t rely on school lessons, some schools I’ve worked in the kids only do half a term once, even half a term each year wouldn’t be enough really. Also, in some schools it’s just classroom teachers teaching it, who may or may not be any good at teaching swimming. I taught it, and not well.

I would imagine there are millions of children who are 8 and can’t swim. As far as I can tell it’s a middle class hobby as it’s so damn expensive. I can’t imagine many children from families relying on universal credit or on minimum wage finding £15 per lesson or however much it costs (does it get cheaper as they get older?! That’s how much I pay for baby swimming.)

That said I do think it’s an important life skill.

It’s not bad, but he needs to learn to swim. It’s really important. If you can afford one to one lessons there MUST be someone close by who can teach him in a local pool. Put an advert on a local Facebook group. You admit you should take him more often so do it.

My dd, aged 7, has been learning since she was three, she had no sen, overcame her fear of getting her face in the water when she was five but is still unable to do more than about three strokes before she puts her feet down. I’m not sure she will ever learn. She has had lessons from three different providers, all with quite different styles, so I don’t think it’s the teaching that is at fault. I’ll let her carry on with lessons until she is fed up but I’m not sure that pushing her until she can swim 50m or whatever will be a good idea. It may click one day but maybe it just won’t.

Op dont worry about it, my 12 year old austic child cannot swim either, yet he went to all the swimming lessons with school, went swimming with me and I was trained to teach children with disabilities to swim, he can swim about 2 strokes if your lucky, he just does not have the coordination.

My 18yr old with ASD cant, she'll learn if she wants to in future.

Regarding no availability for 1:1. Sometimes you have to poke a bit deeper. We moved our DC from group to 1:1 just over 12 months ago. It was a nightmare finding anyone that would do it initially, everything is geared towards groups. Eventually we heard back from a leisure centre in the next town. They didn't have anyone on their books 1:1 at the time but they knew it was something that they offered historically. They managed to find us two slots on different days, but with the same teacher. Paying for it was a nightmare at first because they don't offer Direct Debit for private lessons, so we've got into a routine of paying them £100 cash on the first lesson of the month. The reception staff are used to us now, but we did have teething problems to start with (we paid by cheque at first but then they weren't being cashed).

Don't give up, ring around constantly.

My DC are 8 and 6 now and the progress they've made since moving to 1:1 is incredible to watch. We had planned to just put them in 1:1 for six months to accelerate them, but it's been so successful that we're sticking with 1:1.

My NT 8yo can’t really swim, he’s been doing lessons for about a year. He enjoys it, wasn’t really ready before then, and is never unsupervised near open water. The vast majority of children this age round here can’t swim at all (don’t start school lessons til year 5) - I agree with a PP that this expectation that all children must be started on this ‘essential life skill’ by now is very very middle class.

I think it’s good to be looking and trying to get things moving now, but definitely no reason to feel guilty!

DD is neurotypical and didn't learn to ride a bike until a few weeks before her 10th birthday. She's not ridden since then and will probably have forgotten by the time the summer comes around! We're just lazy and DD wasn't bothered until then.

I really wouldn't worry too much. It's a skill and can be learnt at any age. Try 1:1 lessons when space becomes available (and then regret having to spend hours sat at the side of the pool watching the lessons!!) [speaking from experience!]