To feel guilty my 8 year old cannot swim.

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He absolutely loves the water, no confidence issues. He has autism and cannot swim. He cannot seem to pick it up easily. Admittedly we don’t take him as much as we should but he does swimming with school.. he does have motor skill issues.

I have thought about lessons but he wouldn’t work well in a group. He needs one to one lessons but can’t find any availability close by but I will put his name down.

Is this really bad? Not really aibu I apologise but I’m just stressing about it now!

He loves the water just cannot swim.

DD did school swimming at 8 and I accompanied her class and the other 2 to help out. Out of 90 children around 8 couldn't swim

I never set foot in a swimming pool in my life until I was about 9 and a friend's mum took me. I got the bug and joined a club and by the time I was 11 I was swimming for a club. Albeit I was never fast enough to win races. But my technique was good. So I can well believe that starting late doesn't mean that you can't catch up.

You actually think those people who get their children in swimming early do so because they think their 2 year old is going to be an Olympic swimmer? No, they do it to get the child use to water.

It doesn't always work though, as I found out with my own children. I loved swimming so much that I just assumed that if I started them as babies they would love it too.

We tried and failed with swimming lessons for DD3. She had school lessons and private lessons. In the end she learnt to swim when she was about 8 on holiday - we had rented a villa and she did it by sheer determination and literally all by herself. We were in the pool with her and within safe reach and we watched her all the time - she just didn't realise we were watching. I could see her keep letting go of the rail in the corner of my eye. I wish someone had videoed it, I was so proud of her. I think she just wanted to do it on her own and couldn't set her mind to it with all noise and crowds at our local baths. By the end of the holiday she was jumping in, swimming lengths and racing her sisters. She also learnt to ride her bike in the same way.

@Ppopsicle
HAHAHhahaHaaa I call bullshit. Because, In fact, learning older makes it considerably harder.

Okay, you do that. Water confidence and swimming ability are different. Op says her ds is confident in water. Dd1 really struggled to swim despite lessons from age 2 and swimming with me from 8 weeks. Her core muscles weren't developed enough (varies depending on the dc). Then I had twins and couldn't take 3 under 8s on my own and they are summer born and too sleepy after school for lessons so we waited until they were 6. They were swimming within a few weeks when it had taken dd1 2 years.

Learning at 6 is different to 10.

@m0therofdragons

There is a big difference, but from experience of teaching swimming for over 10 years, and therefore having seen 100’s of children learn in comparison to your handful, I can confidently say that getting children into pools early often leads to better ability quicker.

The OP did say her child was confident, but confident doesn’t mean they can get themselves to the edge if they get into danger, an ability to basically swim does

@isabellerossignol

No it’s doesn’t always work, but for a majority of people it does help

1:1 lessons sound a great idea. Progress ought to be rapid with those. Facebook is a good place to find recommendations for local instructors who get results.

My DM was very good about getting my brother and I to learn to swim when we were young, but despite all the lessons she paid for, we never got the real confidence and so on until were 10 and 11. So I wouldn't be overly worried about an 8 year old not being able to swim yet, I'm sure they'll get there in the end.

I have ASD and I’m not a great swimmer. I can plod from one side of the pool to the other bit it’s not fast or graceful, and I can’t put my face in the water. To be fair, I can’t get my face wet in the shower and even the feeling of rain on my face makes me panicky so it’s a sensory thing.

Your DC isn’t afraid of the water so (some semblance of a) technique will probably come at some point.

We live in Australia where pretty much all children learn to swim from birth but it’s related to the hot summer culture and everyone having pools.

In your specific case the ability to “not drown” and not panic in water may be enough, it probably isn’t here.

Having said that in particular conditions “not drowning” may need strong swimming skills and while a relative non-swimmer may be safe in some parts of the world if he travels it may be an issue.

These summer holidays my children have been obsessed with a program (factual) following professional life guards on a Sydney beach and swimming in the sea as a weak or non swimmer is dangerous. Strong swimmers know to dive through the waves, face the waves, can swim out of trouble when they are unexpectedly not able to touch the bottom (sand bar, rip, big wave). Weak swimmers just sink.

So - unless you can confidently say that he’ll never travel and never swim in the sea I’d keep up the exposure to water and the lessons. He doesn’t necessary need to learn to do butterfly but he needs to be able to “not drown” in difficult settings.

My second daughter is a great open water swimmer but when she first started at nippers at 5 she got water in her mouth from a wave and was massively reluctant to swim in the sea for nearly 2 years. We just kept going (her siblings went) and from 7 years she was great. She’s the best open water swimmer in her age group now and swims competitively for a club. Sometimes there’s a blip and if it’s important you need to push through, I agree with a PP that progress isn’t linear - sometimes they just get it all at once

*As a swimming teacher, and I’m going to get a lot of crap for this, yes I do think it’s bad.

Water safety and confidence is incredibly underrated. Lots of children have ‘pool parties’ nowadays, and at some point your child will go out to play near a river or lake.

The ability to get yourself to the edge and out of a dangerous situation is the difference between life and death.

Even if only to a standard where if he fell into water, he can swim to the edge and get out.

Seriously, get him swimming.*

Did you even read the OP?

I don’t think the OP needs a lecture from you on why swimming is important. I think she gets that. Did you read the bit - you know, the title - where she says she feels guilty that he can’t swim? She hasn’t written ‘AIBU to not give a shit that my 8 year old can’t swim because swimming’s overrated and useless.’

Did you also miss where she says that he has autism, motor skill issues, and would struggle to learn in a group? Given you’re a swimming teacher, have you got any useful advice on how to overcome those issues other than ‘seriously, get him swimming’?

Monkey, she specifically asked “is this bad” so I responded with reasons why it was bad (pool parties, going near lakes etc)

She didn’t ask “how can I get my child swimming”. It’s an AIBU, not ‘give me some advice to get my child to swim’

Regardless of age swimming is completely down to the individual and how quickly they gain confidence and develop new skills I've seen older kids start later and jump through stages and younger kids do the same and then younger children struggle to get their face and vice versa. In terms of ops situation it's slightly different to a child who should be in group settings and as such his needs are more complex, it could be at an age now where he would be more respitive to learning how to swim than when he was younger, hes needs completely different to a child who would be attending group lessons. I also teach adults by you're attitude pops would you say they would struggle to learn because they are older? Again it's simply dependant on the individual.

And the ‘seriously, get him swimming’ advice is probably the most useful.

Australian children in hot places generally have pools and in summer they’re in them more than out. This is why they’re confident, not their weekly lesson.

The OP’s son is hardly in the water Admittedly we don’t take him as much as we should but he does swimming with school

That’s what I think the OP should focus on. Take him swimming a lot. He can’t learn to swim if he’s hardly ever in the water.

Putting your head under the water is a big step with swimming. My DD went to lessons for over a year and got nowhere cos she was too scared to put her head under. Eventually, someone suggested urging her to do it in the bath, at bath time. It worked. Hope that helps with some of you?

@ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19

I said that GENERALLY it is easier to teach those who have been in the water longer/at a younger age. This doesn’t included everyone obviously because I used the word generally.

@nolongersurprised

Thank you for understanding.

The Australian reference is a good one.

I.e. we learn to write from a young age. Obviously some people don’t learn to write until they’re older, and older people will still pick up being able to write if they have never learnt before, but we start teaching young because it generally means they will learn quicker and be better at it

I would get him in lessons. You can only try, and he likely won't learn from you because kids act up for their own. Check for autism sessions and lessons. My son is ASD and so am I, both learnt via lessons. It took him a good while is nearly 11 and has nearly completed all stages. My other son has been going since he was 2. Now 4, he can swim.

And I repeat what others have said, it's a life skill. More important than learning to ride a bike!

My mother used to tell a story of a woman she knew who was so convinced about the inate ability of newborns to swim that she would drop her babies in the pool off the end of the springboard. It horrified Mum but the children all managed to get to the side and survive apparently - one of them was in my class.

We were out in the Gulf in the early 60s and we were all complete water babies from birth; I only learned actual strokes at classes about 6 or 7. We would swim off ships off the coast as well. Years of being constantly in water before learning formal strokes.

I believe swimming lesson should be free as it is a life skill. My can only swim a little and are 14 and 12

We can not afford the swimming lesson or afford regular trips as a family for me to teach them

I find it frustrating as I grew up next to the sea and was always in the water but we now live an hour away from the sea.

Don't feel guilty sometimes circumstances can ruin the best ideas.

TooManyPaws, exactly! Getting into the water and used to how it feels etc is such a major thing before swimming

My DS is 10, has Autism and can swim. He is still having swimming lessons.

I put DS into classes when he was four. We started off the group but I quickly realised it was pointless and he had 1.1 from then. I went to four different instructors at different leisure centres around our borough... none of the them had the skill or had low expectations in teaching my son how to swim. We then went to a leisure centre, which charges 7.00 a week 1:1 classes (!!) for children with SEN and we had an instructor who was trained to teach children with SEN. She was nice, but she won't the majority of the time talking to other parents and again had low expectation of DS.

I thought fuck that and found a private swimming company, an hour away from us, which was £700.00 for a term . The price put me off-boy it did. Though, we went to one of their swimming camps and we haven't looked back since. Thanks to them, my DS can swim.

I'm a single parent too, part time job but I scrimped and saved for DS in order to afford DS lessons. Some companies are understanding if you wish to pay a little later or in instalments. This is what I've been doing.

I can't swim. I'm 32 and NT

I believe swimming lesson should be free as it is a life skill

And would that be prioritised before or after the shortages in teachers, school places, drs, nurses, police, nhs, etc etc this government had cut as can't afford.

Nothing is free, who is going to pay for say, 4 million 5-9 year olds, to get lessons until they can swim? There may also need new pools to deal with the demand.

'Life skill' is trotted out for swimming, riding a bike, driving etc, they are nice to have but not necessary. I'm 51 and can't swim, never learned as a child, never felt the need as an adult. Learning as an adult is an option for anyone it is not something that needs to be government funded anymore than it already is in schools.