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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel guilty my 8 year old cannot swim.

133 replies

Pop2017 · 08/01/2020 18:15

He absolutely loves the water, no confidence issues. He has autism and cannot swim. He cannot seem to pick it up easily. Admittedly we don’t take him as much as we should but he does swimming with school.. he does have motor skill issues.

I have thought about lessons but he wouldn’t work well in a group. He needs one to one lessons but can’t find any availability close by but I will put his name down.

Is this really bad? Not really aibu I apologise but I’m just stressing about it now!

He loves the water just cannot swim.

OP posts:
NearlyGranny · 09/01/2020 01:17

Children on the AS are statistically more likely to die of drowning than NT children - I learned this just yesterday on an Australian TV network during a little piece about s Nippers group for children with disabilities. It seems to hinge around their perception of danger and judging where it's safe to swim.

I'd make teaching him to swim a priority. Move commitments around to take him regularly yourself of no 1:1 is available. You'll both gain from it.

ChocolateCoins19 · 09/01/2020 01:21

My ds didn't start till he was 7.

Im near 40 and can't swim..

squeekums · 09/01/2020 01:56

Its different here in aus, schools do swimming lessons from reception/first year

Its important, yes, no doubt but don't focus on swimming perfect strokes but water safety
The biggest thing is knowing what to do when your in trouble, get to the side of the pool, if that's dog paddle, so be it. How to signal for help properly.
How to tread water. Possibly less needed in UK but how to spot and get out of a rip if beach swimming.

BillHadersNewWife · 09/01/2020 02:03

My 15 year old can't swim. She went to group lessons from age 4 and prior to that, her Dad took her to the pool all the time. We saw she made no progress at all so put her in one to one lessons. She refused to get in!

She's got no ASDs ...she just can't stand the water. I can't judge because I am the same. I can swim a bit...she can probably doggy paddle or backstroke but not swim properly.

We live in Australia too! On her school trips which often have water activities I have to put "poor" under swimming abilities...she copes though.

She goes to the beach with her mates and paddles! They have a swim and she collects shells. It's not ideal though living as we do near to the ocean! My youngest DD swims well....taught in the sea by her Dad.

BillHadersNewWife · 09/01/2020 02:04

Squeek not in our school they don't! It's a private one...very small. They expect children to learn in their own time.

MrsFezziwig · 09/01/2020 02:26

I didn’t learn to swim until I was 11, and that was in the olden days when we went every week with school from the age of 7. Just couldn’t crack it. Also went to the swimming pool with my friends on a Saturday from the age of about 9 or 10 (can sense all the pearls being clutched!) and eventually just learned by myself. Got a massive round of applause when I was finally able to go up and collect my swimming certificate in school assembly!

TooleyVanDooley · 09/01/2020 02:28

Don’t feel guilty, but you do need to fix it. Can you take him yourself every week, so he gets used to being in the water without the pressure of lessons?

Whowantstogotothepark · 09/01/2020 02:52

Don't worry. You are trying your best. I had a bf who learnt how to swim in his mid-twenties. It is possible to learn later.

squeekums · 09/01/2020 04:47

@BillHadersNewWife is that in Aus or UK? I'm shocked if it Aus, I thought all schools had to as part of the curriculum, public or private

squeekums · 09/01/2020 04:48

Just saw, I skim read. That's so odd for an Aus school. I thought all had too

BillHadersNewWife · 09/01/2020 07:52

No...there have been odd one-off special lessons where there was an option to join in a class after school. But certainly not on the curriculum at all. We're in S.A.

Serin · 09/01/2020 07:58

God, mine were all useless, which surprised me as I'm a good swimmer and loved going when I was a child.
We paid out for 1 to 1 lessons for all 3 for years.
At 11 the LEA sent DD and all the other non swimmers in the county (only 10 of them) on a summer course which apparently had a 100%pass rate.
She still failed.
Finally got it when she was about 15.
We joked it was because she grew boobs to keep her afloat!

crustycrab · 09/01/2020 09:13

Judging by the replies I'm going to be unpopular....but, I do think it's a life skill every child should be taught. Reading the pp who said it "wouldn't be fair" to drag the sibling along to wait for half an hour Hmm really? Why not?

Gwilt160981 · 09/01/2020 09:15

Get him signed up for lessons he may enjoy them.

Original poster
Pop2017 · 09/01/2020 09:46

Thanks all. I am looking into lessons. There isn’t much around. He needs 1-1 lessons or a very small group. I’m just worried he won’t cooperate with them 😩

I aim to take Dc once a month. But sometimes it’s every 2. We tend to go more in the summer. The other issue is busy places. Our local pools get pretty busy. We tend to go more in the summer when it’s hot and sunny outside and everyone is on the beach instead of the indoor pool 🤣

He is starting swimming with the school next week.

Although he can’t swim. He can jump In the pool and get himself back up or come off the end of slide and get himself back up (can’t think of the correct terminology sorry). He doesn’t have the basic skills ready to learn how to swim I think. He can swim with a float. Obviously I know that’s not the same.

OP posts:
Busymummy16 · 09/01/2020 09:47

My DD8 who has some sensory issues struggled with swimming (meltdowns and not wanting water on face) but key was finding a nice pool which wasn’t too crowded with too much sensory overload, plus a holiday crash course going every day. After nearly 3 years of lessons she learnt in a week. They had a good ratio of 1:4 too. Once she got it she loved it and has made rapid progress since. I totally get that it’s a absolute PITA getting them to learn but it is worth prioritising IMO as it’s a life skill and also my husband never learnt and it can be quite limiting when they’re older (eg some sports requiring swimming).
We also had a similar struggle getting her to ride her bike. Despite her endless meltdowns we persisted every weekend over the summer and she finally did it. It was worth the trouble but it is such a commitment.

Original poster
Pop2017 · 09/01/2020 09:48

We do live near the water (beach) but he is never unsupervised and they got a lot taught to them about water safety at school. I’m going to look into swimming lessons.

I feel like as a child I was let down with swimming. My mum never I mean never took us. We had lessons at school but they were for 5 weeks of the year and rushed in large groups. Never benefited. I can swim somewhat but I am a weak swimmer. I would love to have lessons to improve myself.

I meant to say he does have the basic skills on how to learn to swim *

OP posts:
Original poster
Pop2017 · 09/01/2020 09:50

My son couldn’t ride a bike until this year @busymummy16. We ended up buying him a large specialist balance bike for 7-12 years olds and it really taught him how to balance and progressed onto a bike within a month!

OP posts:
Busymummy16 · 09/01/2020 10:02

@Pop2017 great work that your DS can cycle!
Some of the private schools near us have lovely pools which are quieter and used for swimming lessons. Maybe worth looking at as our DD couldn’t get on with the really busy local pool as it was far too noisy and busy for her. Best of luck!!

nowaypose · 09/01/2020 10:12

Lessons cost a fortune. They learn at school in year 4 where I am anyway.

Original poster
Pop2017 · 09/01/2020 10:20

Thank you. They start in reception here but it’s only certain amount of weeks per year, not all year. And that’s costing me £50 for a few weeks of swimming this term For both DC as you pay for the bus. I don’t mind at its a lot of money imo.

OP posts:
squeekums · 09/01/2020 11:03

No...there have been odd one-off special lessons where there was an option to join in a class after school. But certainly not on the curriculum at all. We're in S.A

Im SA too and in public its essentially compulsory. You gotta have a damn solid reason your kid wont do them in public. Most schools even let parents pay in installments if cost an issue
Genuinely shocked

AlexaShutUp · 09/01/2020 11:18

Don't feel bad, OP. He does need to learn but there is still plenty of time.

My dd couldn't swim at 8. She started later than most due to eczema, and then just didn't take to it for some reason. Then she had a bad experience in a school swimming lesson and developed a real fear of the water that really held her back. I think she eventually learned when she was around 11/12. I invested in 1:1 lessons which were expensive but well worth it. She is a confident swimmer now.

eldeeno · 09/01/2020 11:31

My DD couldn't swim at that age. I'd wasted hundreds of pounds on group lessons, intensive courses and the like. She just didn't get it. So I stopped the lessons for a while. Then, just before she started learning at school, I paid for private 1-2-1 lessons. She basically went from complete non swimmer (think she had arm bands, woggle, Shark fun thing and float) on her first lesson to swimming a length of a 25 metre pool (where it was too deep for her to put her foot down in any of it) by the 10th lesson.

Private lessons are expensive, but I found that as she learnt quicker, it ended up being cheaper than my other daughter who spent years in group lessons.

Try contacting local hotels with swimming pools. That's how I got my daughter lessons. Private lessons there was cheaper than the private lessons with the local council at my nearest pool.

Talulahbeige · 09/01/2020 11:35

Is he safe in water? If he fell in a body of water with nobody around could he keep himself afloat or get to a place of safety? If your on holiday and he’s by the pool on his own and fell in could he get himself to the side?
If he can do that then you have no worries.
Swimming lessons to me are about making a child safer in and around water not being able to do the front crawl.
If he can you’ve done the best you can