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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you look down on/think less of an otherwise respectable neighbour for smoking weed in his garden?

703 replies

MoonBaby1 · 07/01/2020 22:10

Sorry if this has been done To death. I know that mumsnet hasn’t famously been that accepting of any smoking but I wanted to see what other parents felt.

We are a respectable (I hope!) family with good relations with all our neighbours. No loud music, parties or bins left out etc.

My dh enjoys a few spliffs a night in our garden and it’s never raised any problems. Earlier today a very lovely neighbour we know and trust made a lighthearted joke about me burning a few cardboard bits left from Christmas (our garden does not border anyone else’s) when I said I hope the smoke is ok he said ‘better than the shite your fella smokes after dark! ‘. Is it still socially unacceptable to smoke weed or is he a bit older and out of touch?

I’m now way overthinking this and I’m worried that people think we’re not a nice family because they can smell weed smoke. I know I shouldn’t worry what people think but it’s got under my skin! I’ve even name changed here despite being anonymous because I’m usually the nice SEN mum posting about special needs and diet.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 08/01/2020 05:31

Despite the voting, 10% of posters are actually saying “it’s absolutely 100% fine, crack on”. Read them again op. I read them and counted any, which said precisely that.

If you want a husband with long term health and cognitive problems to deal with along with your SEN kids, crack on. Terrible parenting. Terribly inconsiderate. As for you comment that he can’t smoke in the house because of your children, words fail me Shock Have some damn respect for your neighbours fgs. They don’t want the smell in their house and garden. And if it’s going in their house, it’s going in yours.

And as FrancisCrawford said, you didn’t invent smoking ‘weed’, as you so quaintly call it. I was smoking it before you were a twinkle in your mummy’s eye.

ItsNovemberNotChristmas · 08/01/2020 05:44

I'd judge, it's a bit pathetic really isn't it at your age? If he needs that much weed to get through a night might be time to think about making some life changes.

Hope he doesn't drug drive after these smokes

PapayaCoconut · 08/01/2020 05:45

Yes I would judge. It's illegal, it stinks and it causes mental health problems.

The teen children of the neighbor three doors down smokes this shit and I can smell it in my second floor bedroom if the window is even slightly open. It STINKS.

HulksPurplePanties · 08/01/2020 05:47

I'm Canadian, so honestly I wouldn't care. Prefer it to cigarette smoke.

FromEden · 08/01/2020 05:58

I wouldn't look down on the person, it's legal where I live but even if it wasn't I wouldn't judge. However, the smell might bother me if it was impacting on me enjoying my garden in the evening on a regular basis. We're lucky here to have the option of vapes or edibles which dont involve everyone within a certain radius knowing what you're doing!

SallyWD · 08/01/2020 06:02

I'm not prudish. I've smoked weed plenty of times, so have my parents and many of my friends do. However I really dislike the smell and wouldn't enjoy it if my neighbour was frequently smoking it outside and it was wafting in my direction. I have to admit I'd think it was a bit sad if my neighbour was getting stoned night after night.

AxeOfKindness · 08/01/2020 06:02

It's illegal, it stinks and does give me a certain view of a person who does it that is diametrically opposed to a "nice family".

So I would judge, sorry, but I wouldn't ever say anything about it!

Graphista · 08/01/2020 06:07

“Graphista, please chill it's really not that bad”

1 DON’T tell me to chill I’m entitled to state my opinion!

2 in my opinion it IS that bad

3 are you referring to the MICRODOSING - which again YES is is that bad!

Re what those of us anti think of alcohol? I barely drink now, was never a big drinker I’m wary due to lots of addiction in the family.

Alcohol IS different though because it’s legal, regulated and monitored. Yes there are problems with it but in the vast majority of cases it’s not harmful.

PooWillyBumBum · 08/01/2020 06:10

I would mind every day. My vair respectable in laws smoke hash about once a year, at the bottom of their 200ft garden far away from their neighbours. If it was once or twice a year sharing a joint I wouldn’t mind. Every day is a lot.

Original poster
MoonBaby1 · 08/01/2020 06:11

I retract the 50/50 comment as the polls are saying otherwise!

I’m not sure if those of you that can smell it a mile of have particularly strong strains in your area but the stuff he smokes really isn’t that pungent. I’m saying this as a non smoker so my perception shouldn’t be skewed.

We are not scummy, chavvy or anti social or any of the other delightful descriptions people have been throwing my way.

OP posts:
MondeoFan · 08/01/2020 06:16

I wouldn't like it especially if it was every single night or even most nights.
If you had children I would think it was even more vulgar

bellinisurge · 08/01/2020 06:17

I would look down on you. It would completely change my relationship with you. If the smoke and smell was stopping me enjoying my homelife (which it would if I and my family could smell it) I might report you to the police - if I was too intimidated to confront you myself.

AliTheMinx · 08/01/2020 06:18

Awful. I would be horrified if my neighbour smoked weed. It's illegal, antisocial and smells vile.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/01/2020 06:20

We are not scummy, chavvy or anti social or any of the delightful descriptions people have been throwing my way.

I think it is unfair to describe you as this as people. However your behaviour is scummy, chavvy and anti social.

the stuff he smokes really isn’t that pungent

Firstly you are used to it and secondly different people have different senses of smell. Maybe yours is relatively dull. Since having dd I can smell everything in technicolour. I already hated the smell beforehand. Now I’d have to move if you were my neighbour. Think of that, forcing your neighbour out because of antisocial behaviour. Then think on as good why I think that your behaviour is not only antisocial but chavvy and scummy.

Seahorseshoe · 08/01/2020 06:24

Yes I would. I have a grown up son who has smoked weed in our garden, our neighbours complained, in the loveliest of ways and I don't blame them, her kids were in the garden as it was summer (we were not at home). If it had been the other way round, I'd have complained to her.

stuckinthemiddlewithtwats · 08/01/2020 06:25

My neighbours have started doing this and now my house bloody stinks. It comes straight through the air-bricks and now my baby's nursery that we are preparing is going to stink of weed.
It's a vile smell and I'd absolutely look down upon your husband for smoking that crap and affecting your neighbours.
It's a shame that nothing is ever done about it seeing as it's illegal. Social services didn't give a shit that my neighbours smoke it in the house around their two small children Hmm

Tatty101 · 08/01/2020 06:27

But OP, if it isnt smelly then why isnt he happy to do it in the house?

You (quite rightly) dont want your kids breathing it in but if your neighbours are mentioning it then they clearly can smell it and are breathing it in. That's pretty selfish dont you think?

And I'm late 20s, have many friends and family who smoke it and would say the same. Should his habit impact on your neighbours? I'd suggest not.

foamrolling · 08/01/2020 06:31

I'd feel sorry for you and your kids and assume he was a bit of a pathetic man child. The same way I view an acquaintance who's other half is always down the pub/drinking leaving her as the sobre responsible parent by default. Oh and spending a fair chunk of their money.

I spent a good few years of my life getting stoned every night. I wasn't exactly a master criminal worthy of arrest or even a scummy chav. But I wasn't exactly productive when I was doing it either and it cost a fortune. My sister's ex is a long term heavy weed smoker and he's also a pathetic man child who never grew up and wasted all their money on drugs.

PhilCornwall1 · 08/01/2020 06:34

If it was impacting me using my garden or having my windows open, I'd tell your "DH" to knock it on the head or I'd be reporting him.

It would be his choice, but I wouldn't be living around the smell of that bloody stuff.

FromEden · 08/01/2020 06:44

Yeah it smells but the posters saying they'd be "horrified" (lol, really?) , would call the police and calling the OP chavvy, vulgar and scummy etc are really being ridiculous. I mean, is that really the sort of stuff you say in real life about someone smoking a joint? Seems like a huge over reaction tbh.

Tara336 · 08/01/2020 06:55

It’s horrible, it stinks and it’s antisocial, so yes I’d think less of you

Flipswhitefudge · 08/01/2020 06:58

I'd think you were massive bogans.

Sparklybaublefest · 08/01/2020 07:00

I judge
why is it even necessary?
the smell is so strong.

Sparklybaublefest · 08/01/2020 07:02

Interestingly there is a man i visit and I am shocked and very judgy about his neighbours who smoke on their front door step.
it makes me uncomfortable

BobbinThreadbare123 · 08/01/2020 07:03

Yeah, you're judged; it utterly stinks. I have once moved house because of having to smell weed all the time. It's a disgusting habit. It's illegal and it feeds a vile trade.
It's not OK, even if you're 'naice'.