Would you look down on/think less of an otherwise respectable neighbour for smoking weed in his garden?

[MoonBaby1]

Sorry if this has been done To death. I know that mumsnet hasn’t famously been that accepting of any smoking but I wanted to see what other parents felt.

We are a respectable (I hope!) family with good relations with all our neighbours. No loud music, parties or bins left out etc.

My dh enjoys a few spliffs a night in our garden and it’s never raised any problems. Earlier today a very lovely neighbour we know and trust made a lighthearted joke about me burning a few cardboard bits left from Christmas (our garden does not border anyone else’s) when I said I hope the smoke is ok he said ‘better than the shite your fella smokes after dark! ‘. Is it still socially unacceptable to smoke weed or is he a bit older and out of touch?

I’m now way overthinking this and I’m worried that people think we’re not a nice family because they can smell weed smoke. I know I shouldn’t worry what people think but it’s got under my skin! I’ve even name changed here despite being anonymous because I’m usually the nice SEN mum posting about special needs and diet.

The thing is, if you never do something because it's illegal, then laws don't change.
The drug trade has the victims it has, purely because it's illegal. If no-one buys, the status quo remains. you'll never be in a situation where noone buys drugs, because people love to temporarily alter their mental state. The foundational religion of our country has ritualised drug taking as a central tenet. This is a country that has, somewhat paradoxically, banned all psychoactive drugs (apart from the ones deemed "socially acceptable").

People who partake are in a situation where they are more likely to face legal repercussions for growing their own (thus minimising societal harm), that they are if they purchase from criminals who are doing tangible damage.

The majority of people do not care about the upstream supply chain of the majority of things that they purchase. It's a bit of a waste to try to shame people for their drug use. The people who engage you are likely the people trying to minimise harm as much as they realistically can. 90% will not care either way.

The majority of people do not care about the upstream supply chain of the majority of things that they purchase. It's a bit of a waste to try to shame people for their drug use

You're right, so I'll amend my last post. If you care about the countless victims along the supply chain, you should not buy drugs while it is illegal to do so. If you don't care about child murder child grooming, people trafficking, slavery and beheadings, then by all means, crack on - no pun intended!

Comparing the drugs trade to other items verges on disingenuous as, drugs are not a basic item, like food or clothing. They are not available to buy at shops etc, so you need to actively seek them out. If a supermarket is found to be stocking vegetables picked by slaves, there will be consequences as shops and legitimate retailers are regulated. Drug dealers are not. Avocados are not actually addictive and buying them is not likely to lead on to harder, unethical fruit and veg items, thereby ruining the life of the purchaser and funding the trade and nauseum.

A lot of this would go away if it was legal. But anyone who knows about the devastation along the supply chain and has a shred of empathy would not CHOOSE to buy drugs for a temporary buzz. Temporary buzz = child murder... hmmmm what would most people choose?

I also disagree that buying drugs is a decent way to persuade the government to legalise. The most persuasive arguments on here in favour of legalisation have come from posters who are against buying illegal drugs tbh. Some of the posts lacking in intelligence and reason have come from some of the people who have said they are frequent users; DON'T TAKE MY DRUGS AWAY!!! I like a spliff hahaha lol lol 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 Which really isn't an argument I or any government in its right mind would take seriously.

I'm struck by how judgemental people are on here. Mostly people seem to dislike the smell and think that gives them the right to be incredibly rude and uppity.

I think what the OP wanted to know is, do you judge your neighbours for smoking weed. For a lot of people, it's yes. Doesn't make them rude or uppity.

It's MN fantasy land that nice people are not continuously forming judgements about the people around them. This process allows humans are able to put one foot in front of the other. A neighbour smoking weed gives you a lot of information about them, along with lots of other things like do they say hello, are they on top of their rubbish, maintenance, are their kids well-behaved and so on.

And bad smells, along with loud music or rodents, are at the top of my 'please no' list for neighbours.

Oh just realised that the reason some avocados are considered unethical is because they are connected to the drug trade! The drugs trade is so violent, that even if you aren't buying them, you might be funding them, so many people avoid buying things like avocados for that reason. This is not a good reason to buy drugs. It is the opposite. If drugs are so terrible that even being associated with it while not directly contributing to it is something people avoid, then how terrible must the drugs trade be? Pretty terrible.

Funny you should say that. I've often thought that the evidence supports legalisation, and what works against cannabis is that the loudest, most prominent voices speaking for cannabis legalisation are habitual cannabis users...

I think what the OP wanted to know is, do you judge your neighbours for smoking weed. For a lot of people, it's yes.

Yes. Hence my comment about the judging.

YABU. I live next to a skunk smoker. It's horrible. It doesn't matter how lovely he is- it stinks.

The point is that people are not just judgemental on mumsnet. People in real life are also judgemental. This is not some weird place totally divorced from the people you live alongside in RL.

You've got children and your husband smokes weed every night. Yes, I would look down on you and I'm afraid this means you are not "nice" neighbours, no matter what you think as your husband is doing illegal drugs. I'd be reporting you to the Police and Social Services.

A lot of this would go away if it was legal. But anyone who knows about the devastation along the supply chain and has a shred of empathy would not CHOOSE to buy drugs for a temporary buzz. Temporary buzz = child murder... hmmmm what would most people choose?

You're missing my point here. But plenty of people do know that exploitation and other evils are a potential part of supply chain for things they use and donor anyway. They're not lacking empathy, I'm sure just as many drug users would toss money to a homeless person as non-users (maybe even more). My point is that your approach is pointless. It's a denial of human nature. People in general don't concern themselves will evils that they don't witness themselves being complicit too. I'm not ascribing a moral judgement to the behaviour, I'm just saying that that's how it work. You can read news stories about 1000 drug-related cartel beheadings and that's less likely to have an effect on drug use that a spouse saying "I don't like you doing this". This is not a drug thing. For most people, their feeling of responsibility diminishes with distance from an issue.

I also disagree that buying drugs is a decent way to persuade the government to legalise. The most persuasive arguments on here in favour of legalisation have come from posters who are against buying illegal drugs tbh. Some of the posts lacking in intelligence and reason have come from some of the people who have said they are frequent users; DON'T TAKE MY DRUGS AWAY!!! I like a spliff hahaha lol lol 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 Which really isn't an argument I or any government in its right mind would take seriously

Why not? I have my own views on this, but if people want to do something and that thing doesn't actively harm others, what is the point of making it illegal and driving it into a realm that actively does cause widespread harm? What do you think the point of a democratic government is?

"Honestly, I know the drugs world, probably better than most of the clowns on here having a good lol. You don't heed the warnings at your peril, but at least you'll go down laughing...until you're not."

Bollocks. The idea that cannabis is a gateway drug for everyone has been repeatedly shown to be false. Most weed smokers don't wind up with a needle in their arm, and I think your claims of knowing so many people who have experienced cannabis psychosis is similarly bullshit. You can be a recreational drug user and hold down a job, family and a life - just look at some of our elected officials!

Why don't you just bore off and start a temperance society? If you're so against it, why bother banging the drum? I've never read such self aggrandising shit in my life, go and be judge and juror elsewhere

Why not? I have my own views on this, but if people want to do something and that thing doesn't actively harm others, what is the point of making it illegal and driving it into a realm that actively does cause widespread harm? What do you think the point of a democratic government is?

I don't think it is a decent way for people to persuade the government to make it legal. This is because, if the argument for doing so, is that taking the illegal variety is dangerous, like playing Russian roulette with you MH, as I believe it is and that it funds a violent, abhorrent trade, then people choosing to do that, in full knowledge of the effect they are potentially having on their own health as well as on the lives of innocent people along the way, is indecent.

And when recreational drug users complain and say "you've FORCED me to do this, ye bastards. Now I HAVE to take the illegal kind", I think .

Not talking about addicts btw or people groomed into drug use. They aren't recreational users.

I wouldn’t
And do the same myself

Given that it’s legal in so many places I can’t see the fuss

Maybe install him a wee table and chair at the bottom end of the garden

Oh sorry, I answered the wrong question there.

Why wouldn't I take that argument seriously? Because "make it legal cos I like it" doesn't hold water. There are many drugs and activities people enjoy, but they are not going to be made legal because of that.

Bollocks. The idea that cannabis is a gateway drug for everyone has been repeatedly shown to be false

It doesn't have to be a gateway drug. It is harmful on its own, especially if people use it daily.

i would not be very impressed. I'm not really anti cannabis but i just don't like my house/garden being affected by other people's choices. if you were smoking tobacco cigarettes and i was smelling that i'd be even more irritated tbh.

Also "not a gateway drug for everyone" doesn't inspire much confidence. There are many for whom it is a gateway drug. Of course it isn't everyone. Insane to suggest so, which I was not.

This is frankly nothing to do with what the nuisance is - it's the fact that the OP's partner is causing a nuisance.

True bellini, but she did ask would we look down on them? No, as I said on page 1, I wouldn't, but I would be a little concerned about how much a father with young dcs in the house is smoking g tbh, based on what I have seen regular cannabis use do to people. When you add in other drug use, like the guy I knew who got heavily into ketamine and became incontinent at the age of 24 and so on, it only gets worse, but even just the weed smokers is enough to make me think that level if use us concerning.

I don't think it is a decent way for people to persuade the government to make it legal.

I'm not saying it persuasive. I'm saying it's illegal and still very common. We know people are going to do it, but most of the social harm comes from the fact that it's illegal, rather than the activity itself.

Why wouldn't I take that argument seriously? Because "make it legal cos I like it" doesn't hold water. There are many drugs and activities people enjoy, but they are not going to be made legal because of that.

I guess I'm coming from the opposite end. Only things that cause significant harm should be illegal. Cannabis use hasn't really been shown to be inherently harmful. I know there are studies about links to schizophrenia, but these are tiny any don't really account for self-medication, which is a real thing.

It sounds like you're saying it should be illegal because it's illegal? I may be wrong.

From my experience, the gateway drug thing sort of drives the issue home. I first tried cannabis in my early 20s in Amsterdam. I giggled a bit, appreciated what I was doing a bit more (visiting galleries and museums), had a nice sleep and woke up with nothing resembling a hangover to boot.

Everything that had been drilled into my head until that point had suggested that it would inevitably lead me to being a secondary character in Requiem For A Dream. In reality, it was more benign that alcohol. It did make me wonder what other mistruths I'd been indoctrinated with and I can see how that would lead to trying harder drugs.

i never used to care if people smoked their minds to mush - Darwin award fodder and good riddance. Ditto festival drugs casualties. Nothing to do with the rest of us, I thought.

and then I saw what the cuckoos do to the vulnerable, and had to deal with the aftermath, and saw its effects on those innocently dragged in.

filth. And if you support it, you are filth too.

It sounds like you're saying it should be illegal because it's illegal? I may be wrong.

No, I am not saying it should be illegal at all .

I am saying that I mainly agree that it should be legal. I am not 100% persuaded, but I think that, on balance, the most harm comes from it being illegal and that the countries where it is now legal are a good example of how it can work, so I am more and more persuaded that it is a good idea.

What I have been saying, for quite a few pages on here now, is that, although I appreciate that making it legal is probably the best idea, while it is not, those who are free to choose and who care about the violence along the supply chain, should refrain from using it. To do otherwise really is indefensible to me.

@BeatriceTheBeast , dope heads use the fact it's dope as an excuse to be annoying twats. It's "not their fault", it's the fault of other people for being pissed off at any nuisance they cause.