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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you look down on/think less of an otherwise respectable neighbour for smoking weed in his garden?

703 replies

MoonBaby1 · 07/01/2020 22:10

Sorry if this has been done To death. I know that mumsnet hasn’t famously been that accepting of any smoking but I wanted to see what other parents felt.

We are a respectable (I hope!) family with good relations with all our neighbours. No loud music, parties or bins left out etc.

My dh enjoys a few spliffs a night in our garden and it’s never raised any problems. Earlier today a very lovely neighbour we know and trust made a lighthearted joke about me burning a few cardboard bits left from Christmas (our garden does not border anyone else’s) when I said I hope the smoke is ok he said ‘better than the shite your fella smokes after dark! ‘. Is it still socially unacceptable to smoke weed or is he a bit older and out of touch?

I’m now way overthinking this and I’m worried that people think we’re not a nice family because they can smell weed smoke. I know I shouldn’t worry what people think but it’s got under my skin! I’ve even name changed here despite being anonymous because I’m usually the nice SEN mum posting about special needs and diet.

OP posts:
DdraigGoch · 08/01/2020 18:55

I don’t think it’s that dissimilar from having a drink at the end of the day.
@Wineislifex but he's not just having one at the end of the day. He's having two or more, every day. If he was drinking that often then he'd be an alcoholic.

BeatriceTheBeast · 08/01/2020 18:56

It’s easy to say don’t support the drug trade but if you smoke it and don’t grow it then where are you meant to buy it?!

If only there was some other option... I dunno... like maybe, not smoking it?

But wait, omfg, you poor thing! Imagine, maybe having to forgo your evening spliff. My heart fucking bleeds.

the number of trafficked Vietnamese minors in modern slavery cannabis farms, the number of gang related stabbings....

This is directly linked to weed NOW unless he is smoking home grown. The responsibility is that of users now.

By all means campaign for legalisation but for now responsibility is down to everyone in this chain of horrors, including the consumer.

Did you see 24chours in police custody last night?young men dealing in cannabis. Not heroin or coke. Making 2 thousand pounds a WEEK.
One of them murdered over the drugs. Stabbed in the neck and left in the woods.

YY to both of these^^.

Ah but it's all just chilled out hippies, having a lovely time isn't it?

Inappropriatefemale · 08/01/2020 19:01

@FormerBabe exactly like it!

If you don’t smoke weed then you will think what I said is laughable but weed smokers will get it.

Inappropriatefemale · 08/01/2020 19:02

I don’t buy weed from trafficked people, a grown man grows it in his home and sells it.

It’s MN so what do I expect when talking here about stuff like this!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 08/01/2020 19:05

Id report the usage personally if this was my neighbor.

BeatriceTheBeast · 08/01/2020 19:17

It’s MN so what do I expect when talking here about stuff like this!

Again, it isn't because we're all a sheltered bunch who have never so much as seen a spliff that some of us are so against the illegal variety. Impossible as it seems for some people to accept, just because some of us do not currently smoke it, it doesn't mean we don't know what we're talking about.

People like your friendly dealer who grows his own, sometimes can't meet demand and top up with weed they have bought elsewhere or some people mix it with something else. You have no guarantee, even if you have seen their plants, that they aren't doing this. I know about this world. It's all "I know Jim. He's sound. He'd never do that", but behind closed doors?

Jim is a criminal at the end of the day. He might be a nice, friendly, middle class criminal, but he is breaking the law to make money and is maybe partial to drugs himself. You know how people are when they love drugs. Lovely people do bad things they normally wouldn't. For a start, if he's making a living from drug dealing, he is making money and not paying taxes. No, not crime of the century, but it does indicate loose morals. How can anyone be sure he isn't cheating his customers by mixing it with spice or whatever?

If it was legal, he couldn't do it and it would be checked and heavily regulated. But it isn't.

Minky35 · 08/01/2020 19:17

One point though. It did not affect my children’s lives at this moment. They are still young and whilst the elder boy knows Daddy smokes he doesn’t know the difference in the smells. I’ve taught him that smoking is yucky and grim and that he doesn’t want to copy his dad. He agrees

For now maybe, when he’s older he will start to want to emulate him, he’ll be asking why it smells etc, then he will do drug awareness at school, and know the truth. Aren’t you worried they’ll find his stash and mistakenly a bit of weed or something?
As I said upthread, it’s a terrible example to set to your children.

Minky35 · 08/01/2020 19:18

Mistakenly eat a bit of weed that should say.

Fr0g · 08/01/2020 19:30

well if I was upstairs I'd be looking down on you!

I cannot bear the smell - it's vile.
Yes, I do look down on neighbours that smoke weed - if it's immediately next door, the lobby stinks and the smell permeates into my flat.

If they smoke on their balcony (no gardens) it makes the whole block look/smell like a skanky student dive.

Plus there is a lot of gang activity here - money paid for weed is fuelling it.

LexMitior · 08/01/2020 19:49

This thread is fascinating. I had no idea that people felt so strongly against cannabis.

Is it a British thing? I doubt there is this kind of issue in countries where it has been decriminalised (where the same issues as to gangs pertain).

If it was decriminalised in the UK, it seems quite a lot of these comments come down to “it’s annoying”.

MissConductUS · 08/01/2020 19:50

Mistakenly eat a bit of weed that should say.

Eating a bit of weed would have little effect. THC and the other psychoactive components of cannabis are only formed after the application of heat, usually by burning or cooking:

Activating Cannabinoids: How Heat Makes Cannabis Psychoactive

ThebishopofBanterbury · 08/01/2020 19:53

I do judge as my best friend from school has a severe personality disorder that started with a weed habit, and I just hate the stuff, despite smoking it occasionally as a teen. It's so much stronger now than it was 20 years ago though.

FruitcakeOfHate · 08/01/2020 20:06

Is it a British thing?

It's an MN thing. They're the world's prickliest bunch. Drink alcohol? You're an alcoholic. Smoke? You deserve to die. Vape? See response to 'Smoke?' Use any product on your body other than unscented soap harvested from unicorn tears? You're offending everyone with the odour. Eat on a train? You're offending everyone, you gluttonous pig!

I also live part of the year in a country where it's legalised. No one really bats an eyelid.

Graphista · 08/01/2020 20:35

Consuming a tiny amount of homemade edibles to manage pain does not make me a drug user

Actually it DOES!

You are both clearly deep in denial, if he’s smoking as much as you say (which you haven’t at any point denied) he’s addicted.

You need to stop. It’s illegal, it’s harmful and it’s antisocial.

@Taraohara I think your post at 0821 is spot on and I too am VERY sceptical about where op and her dp are getting their ILLEGAL drugs from.

They need to grow up and stop exposing their dc to potential dangers of this via contact with dealers and/or as they grow older and notice parents are taking and it will be normalise at a VERY young age for them and they are even more vulnerable than other dc as they have sen.

I’ve lost relatives & friends to drugs, NOBODY starts off a complete addict barely existing. They ALL started off with cannabis and mixed with people who saw that as “no big deal” which led to them mixing with people who thought harder drugs were “no big deal” either.

And they don’t necessarily die quickly of a massive od either - it can be a very slow and painful death, it can be from associated things like hepatitis and other diseases spread by how they use their drugs, it can be from complications like malnutrition, chest infections because immune system compromised, organ failure etc.

Or as in one case I know of doing. Something stupid due to drug induced psychosis which can and does happen on cannabis and did in this case - they picked a fight with a moving truck! Not suicidal but psychotically thinking they were invincible and trying to prove it to the person they were with at the time who has NEVER recovered from that horrific experience.

I’ve also seen it as a nurse, drug use is NOT glamorous it’s really NOT cool and it harms families in so so many ways.

I hope op gets a clue and gets that clue across to dp too and they both stop.

If not I hope they get caught because I dread to think of the effect on this family in the future.

What could prove interesting is if neighbours report ops dp possibly thinking he’s growing/selling as well as using and police search the property and find ops drugs which they’re likely to be more critical of and that could result in arrests and ss referrals.

My brothers a police officer, it’s not that the police don’t care about cannabis it’s that they don’t have the resources to deal with it because it’s become so prevalent!

They certainly still target dealers and growers.

His best friend is in charge of the safe driving initiative for the county, I have them both on Twitter there’s a lot of police accounts on there and every day there’s at least 2 drivers caught driving under the influence. If you didn’t know op they now have testing kits for all the most used drugs to be able to test drivers at the roadside I think from saliva.

If caught that’s major problems with your driving access and if you need a police check for work you’re scuppered too.

I’ve taught him that smoking is yucky and grim and that he doesn’t want to copy his dad. He agrees.

children of smokers are twice as likely to smoke anyway - regardless of what you try and teach them. I’m the eldest of 3 children of 2 heavy smokers (tobacco legal but still unhealthy) and I’m the only complete non smoker. Bro smoked as a teen/early 20’s, sister still smokes only stopped while pregnant.

All 3 of us thought it disgusting as children and begged parents to stop on many occasions.

Plus what if there were an emergency? Which I think may be more likely if your children have sen (other sen parents can let me know if I’m right or not on this) if he’s smoking every night he’s not best placed to deal, he certainly shouldn’t be driving them anywhere. And if you’ve also been microdosing that night can either of you really assess risk/deal with an emergency?

Maybe that’s how you’ll get caught. At a&e with one of dc ill and medics treating notice smell on him and effects on you.

TowerRavenSeven · 08/01/2020 20:39

I would absolutely hate that. I have a neighbour far away that smokes it before her kids come home from school and I can smell it like it’s right next door.

AriadnesFilament · 08/01/2020 20:45

“Would you look down on/think less of...”

Yes. I absolutely, 100% would. Him, and by extension his wife too.

bumblebeefairy · 08/01/2020 20:45

I agree with the right to make personal choices....however this choice affects others!

I had this issue with a neighbour. They were below us. Smoked most evenings. The place absolutely reeked of cannabis. It was horrific. That was my main issue. Not to mention the unknown effects of passive chronic cannabis consumption- a choice they were willingly making for everyone else.

As for your AIBU, I never confronted them as I worried about what the type of people to make that decision might be like if I fell out with them. Enough said!

AriadnesFilament · 08/01/2020 20:46

And actually it would REALLY piss me off

mommydragon · 08/01/2020 20:47

I wouldn't really judge the family as long as they keep to themselves and don't bother me and are otherwise amicable with me... but the smell would really bother me and I would hope that the DH walks away from the properties to smoke.

Cherylshaw · 08/01/2020 20:52

I wouldn't look down on anyone doing it, dosnt bother me at all, there are worse vises, I'd be more bothered by a neighbor drinking excessively and being loud etc.

Russellbrandshair · 08/01/2020 20:56

It's an MN thing. They're the world's prickliest bunch. Drink alcohol? You're an alcoholic. Smoke? You deserve to die. Vape? See response to 'Smoke?' Use any product on your body other than unscented soap harvested from unicorn tears? You're offending everyone with the odour. Eat on a train? You're offending everyone, you gluttonous pig!

Yup, this. I just glanced at that thread about giving up flying and the self congratulatory wanking and moral peacocking is really quite amusing.

Cherylshaw · 08/01/2020 21:01

most people get there weed from someone who grows and sells it from there home so I think some of the above posts about trafficking and gangs etc aren't really relevent with weed, more so synthetic drugs

Fishfingersandwichplease · 08/01/2020 21:06

I would judge you as not being that respectable - even if you were a model family apart from this. Sorry but you did ask.

Decidewhattobeandgobeit · 08/01/2020 21:10

My neighbour smokes it and I do hate the smell and wish he wouldn’t.. I don’t think it’s something that should be smoked where the smell can affect others such as in a garden. I would and do judge your husband

LexMitior · 08/01/2020 21:12

It’s interesting because cannabis will be legalised eventually when there is money to be made. In other countries it is a non issue. It was actually effectively decriminalised in the UK for a time. I did not notice the land become covered with drug addicts.

I note also the thread about benefit fraud and the appetite to report - something about Britain has changed . This appetite for authority is new. Maybe it’s insecurity.