Would you look down on/think less of an otherwise respectable neighbour for smoking weed in his garden?

[MoonBaby1]

Sorry if this has been done To death. I know that mumsnet hasn’t famously been that accepting of any smoking but I wanted to see what other parents felt.

We are a respectable (I hope!) family with good relations with all our neighbours. No loud music, parties or bins left out etc.

My dh enjoys a few spliffs a night in our garden and it’s never raised any problems. Earlier today a very lovely neighbour we know and trust made a lighthearted joke about me burning a few cardboard bits left from Christmas (our garden does not border anyone else’s) when I said I hope the smoke is ok he said ‘better than the shite your fella smokes after dark! ‘. Is it still socially unacceptable to smoke weed or is he a bit older and out of touch?

I’m now way overthinking this and I’m worried that people think we’re not a nice family because they can smell weed smoke. I know I shouldn’t worry what people think but it’s got under my skin! I’ve even name changed here despite being anonymous because I’m usually the nice SEN mum posting about special needs and diet.

It did not affect my children’s lives at this moment

But it does by association, they will be known as the pot heads kids like the children I mentioned above at my kids school.

I think your neighbour was tactfully letting you know that people know and don't like it.

It is pretty anti social behaviour.

I have no problem if you want to smoke weed but if the smell was drifting into my house I wouldnt like it.

How come he smokes so much? Is he highly stressed?

The most irritating thing here is your preoccupation with how others view you and how you feel the need to emphasize how naice and middle class you are. As if that makes it different somehow.

Who does he buy his drugs off because it could end up in years to come being a friend of your kids or even one of them. I wonder how you would both feel about that because if you weren't happy that would make you hypocrites wouldn't it? Because naice mc kids never ever become dealers do they?

This would not bother me in the least, and I certainly wouldn't be judging you. Live and let live is my motto. My DP smokes a cigar in the garden most evenings.

MoonBaby1

You have no reason to think you have more open-minded neighbours. This is Britain! Most people don't go up to their neighbours and say exactly what they think! They silently stew, unless given an opening to raise the subject. Look what happened when you gave one neighbour an opening. He told you that it stinks

As a rule, people in the UK tend to avoid active confrontation, especially of people who seem a bit "rough". But on MN, behind the privacy of a screen, they share what they really think...

Your neighbours are being polite. Don't mistake that for acceptance.

Your neighbour has flat out told you it smells, and you have been saying that it doesn't smell. It smells. You know it smells because other people have told you it smells.

I’d judge you and I’d fucking report you to.
A heavy using drug addict, an occasional user, two children, one of whom is
disabled?

Vile.

Oh please! Over reaction much 🙄 and you’re kidding yourself if you think whoever you “report it to” would even care.

I appreciate the smell factor is antisocial, but in terms of it affecting their parenting skills and making them “bad people” (as has been suggested), it’s only a bit of weed. Absolutely no worse (prob less!) than alcohol!

@BeatriceTheBeast I'll let you go on talking absolute nonsense then! Talk of skunk and psychosis is just scaremongering for adults without mental health issues... the Daily Mail has an agenda for pushing those stories you know

Your neighbours are being polite. Don't mistake that for acceptance.

You must know this op? Surely?

But you DONT have more open minded neighbours. You have nice and polite neighbours who took an opening to tell you it BOTHERS them

But its not about being open minded. I am I think pretty open minded about stuff in that people can do what they want as long as it doesnt impact me. This impacts me. He is telling you its impacts him

@Taraohara yes thanks, I get it from a local grower in the village. No, I would not want my kids involved in criminal activity (obviously?) and they have no idea about our occasional usage.

Many of their friends have parents who are regularly black-out drunk however, so on balance I think they'd prefer our style of parenting.

Oh....I really don't want to engage with you, but you just accused me of being a Daily Mail reader, which I really can't let lie 😂. Also, I think you haven't read my other posts, just the one you were tagged in.

I have friends with serious MH issues, which were triggered by using weed every day. In fact, I would say all of my friends who did this have suffered MH issues as a result. Some more serious than others, like the young man who sadly died while he was undergoing treatment for psychosis. This is a man I knew, not in the Daily Mail.

But if getting angry with me and dismissing what I say makes you feel better and gives you a good excuse to keep smoking "cos she don't know what she's talkin bout". Well.. that sounds like addiction talking and personally I'd think about knocking it on the head if I were you.

That^^ was to @AsleepAllDay.

@QuizzlyBear

And you think he only supplies you ?
I’m sure you do.

I think I’m lucky to have more open minded neighbours than some of the posters on here

I think you're kidding yourself.

I wouldn't say anything to you, would still be pleasant and say hello. You might think I'm open minded and fine with it but we would definitely be talking about it between ourselves and to others and would probably refer to DH as 'the pothead' or 'the stoner' (as in 'I see the stoner is outside for the third time tonight ).

...and I'm someone who has smoked weed myself when young and had lots of friends in my teenage years/early 20's that did lots of different drugs so more open minded than the average I'd say.

No, I probably wouldn't know anyway unless I was standing or sitting in certain parts of my back garden. Have quite a big back garden for London. The only smells i get is in hot weather when people barbecue.
However I know my neighbours on either side don't smoke at all, never mind weed. On one side their children have left, are married with kids of their own (the youngest one did partake at times, doubt parents knew, she's in her forties now with big children so that's a thing of the past). On the other side, one still lives at home, she' mid twenties, graduate; their youngest is still at uni I think, comes home sometimes. I suppose they might or maybe have, I wouldn't know but cannot imagine their parents allowing it.

It happened in my house and garden, I could smell it! Long time ago, son is forty now. No neighbours complained thankfully :-).

Many of their friends have parents who are regularly black-out drunk however, so on balance I think they'd prefer our style of parenting.

Also terrible btw. Addiction is dreadful and I honestly believe more users of alcohol and 'fun' drugs have a serious problem than they realise.

Again, this is partly based on personal experience. I lost a parent to alcohol abuse and have several other relatives with serious drinking problems. Some in recovery, some not.

This is why I sort of have to be teetotal. Problem drinking is in my blood I think.

Funnily enough I'm currently sat watching 24 Hours in Police Custody about a boy in his late teens/early 20s who has had his throat slashed and been left dead in a forest in Kent because of drug wars over weed.

This is the kind of thing anyone taking drugs has on their hands IMO.

• actually, correction in Cambridgeshire not Kent

YABVU. You’re not a respectable family, you’re a family who abuses drugs.

I would judge harshly, I would tell you so, and I’d be making sharp moves to get away from you. I wouldn’t want to live next door to someone with those values.

Probably get flamed for saying this but you can now buy weed vaporisers that you use with your e-cig. My brother who smokes spliffs like fags has now changed over.

One toke is all you need, the smell is hardly as strong as the normal spliff smell. If your OH wants to keep smoking, then this is good compromise.

I'd be more inclined to judge someone sat outside swilling down alcohol. Never met a nasty stoner but met plenty of nasty drunks.

On MN, everyone claims they only use stuff their friend grows for personal use, and no dealers are involved. Anyone else noticed that?

So there are apparently loads of people around the country who produce exactly enough for their own use and one friend all year round. (They must have really green thumbs.)

Does anyone else find this somewhat implausible? I mean, how does this arrangement come about? Did they meet the friend when he (or she) grew only enough for their use, and s/he said, "tell you what, I'll push up production so I can make enough for you because you're such a great mate"? Or did this mate happen, "to have some going spare. Give me £x to cover costs"?

If If it is legalised and accepted as a medical treatment, I find it unlikely that the medical profession or the pharmaceutical industry will be pushing smoking as the preferred method of administering medicinal cannabis.

I imagine you're right - after all, how could the pharmaceutical industry make money out of it if people just use it in its natural state?

I would appreciate the smell coming into my garden/house or my children being exposed to it.
Regardless if your garden doesn't back on to your neighbours he's still being affected therefore YABU.
Every night is a problem.